My friends, I am breathlessly excited to share with you the opening of our newest retreat center in Trelona, Wyoming (Goshen County)!

Retreats are free, but you must pay for your own food and transportation. Church members and potential members are housed in single rooms, (couples in double rooms) with private bath and shower. The cafeteria is open all day.

Contact moonwingdove@church-ea.com for more information. We welcome your inquiries, and we will gladly answer any questions you may have.

Please join us! Our church extends it's arms to you. Your life will never be the same, and your old life will seem like a bad dream from which you have awakened into a living paradise. We can't wait to take you in!

MoonWing! I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am to hear of your much-awaited return here to Paranoia. You have been missed (darn second hand infra-red Starlite sniper scope was not zeroed in properly I guess) A lot has been happening while you were absent.

The two aliens or alien imposters or whatever they were ended up dead with 4 silver dum dums to the head...an all around nasty sordid affair, and as if that weren't bad enough, a poor canine therapist (see avatar file photo) named Psych Pup was run down by parties unknown and left for dead, which was exactly what it was...dead as in a doornail.

I'm pleased as punch to learn of your continued affiliation with the COEA, and not a minute too soon I might add, as I am sure you are aware that the incorrigable Rev. Luv D. Money has invaded our little obsessive compulsive community of peevish paranoidians and is currently spreading his vile manifesto of Mammon both hither and yon.

His main emphasis is as always money money and more money, and I hesitate to tell you this, but he seems to be making inroads here, especially with some of the female residents...like this Cherokee Cowgirl for example, who has more or less been taken in by this hayseed imposter and his so-called Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar. Her motives I suspect are mainly due to an insatiable desire to obtain excessive amounts of cash to feed her hat fetish.

My greatest fear is that Rev. Money's affluent influence will take root here in what can only be described as "fertile ground." Our little core group of COEA members and supporters has dwindled to a mere handful of disenchanted and apathetic followers who are wandering about like lost sheep in search of their shepherd, and here you are, polka dot dress, number 9 medium black heels, and that winning smile, and just in the nick of time. Welcome home, Sister MoonWing....will you take us in?

Ms MoonWing Dove...that name sounds Native American...what tribe are you affiliated with? I am the law here in this part of Wyoming, and I will need to see some kind of identification and a copy of the permit and liscense which gives you permission to open and operate a tax exempt religious retreat here in the state of Wyoming.

You aren't one of those weird wacky New Age universal brotherhood crystal ball and channeling church types are you...like the ones across the line in Bear Tooth, Montana...the ones who channel messages from aliens and other life forms via space wormholes in some other dimension?

Last week they channeled the spirit of a "highly evolved" 50 foot tall praying mantis-type extraterrestrial who alledgedly gave them instructions on how to transmute into a more perceptive earth dweller who will possess fourth dimension vibrational frequency abilities and skills...and they were able to do this due mainly to a molten liquid energy source which is buried thousands of kilometers directly beneath the Montana landscape where they have built their compound.

We are a peacable community of mostly ranchers, cowboys, and tribal business owners, and we intend to keep it that way. We take great pride in being the only state left in the union which is 100% alien free and 99.9% Waco type crazies free.

MoonWing Dove...you remind me so much of my own dear sweet Auntie Phyfa Laurabelle Berenstein. You wear the same kind of polka dot dress and number 9 medium black heels that she wore in 1959. Is this just a coincidence or are there even such things as coincidences if there ever was to begin with?

You know, MoonWing, I used to think I was the one who was in control of my life, but now I'm not so sure anymore..instead of me controlling my own life circumstances and being in control of my major decision making processes, it's beginning to look like it's the other way around....circumstances are controlling me.

Will the COEA theology and philosophy help put me back in the driver's seat, or am I destined to spend the rest of my life wasting away here in Ward 3B with Lynn Dove and all the other functionally impaired residents who live here?

Don't get me wrong...I really like Lynn and the others here in the ward, especially since she did that little broom closet belly dance the other night in her black g-string thingy (see file photo of exposed belly posted by her) but it sure seems like there should be more to life than belly dancing and late night beer parties on the roof in the rain.

I feel like I need to be taken in and enlightened...I mean really taken in hard and seriously enlightened for a change. Will the COEA finally allow me to once and for all possess the much needed "M" word? (Meaning) An inquiring mind wants to know.

Sister MoonWing Dove, I surely and purely do not understand how you managed to open a COEA retreat center in Wyoming when I have been totally frustrated and dismayed trying to establish a Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar Mission there for several years.

I hate to say this MoonWing, but in my opinion, those Wyomingites are a stubborn bunch of people who simply don't understand how important Prosperity religion is to this country. And here you go just waltzing your little polka dotted hiney in there big as day and setting up shop like you own the place or something.

Looks like I'm gonna have to send Cherokee Girl back up there to charm the pants off some of those cowboy bankers and politicians....I'm not saying you did anything like that or nothing...but..well it sure does looks like you might have taken some people in, Moon Pie...you little operator you.

It was very rude of you, Reverend, to call Ms. MoonWIng's hiney 'big as day'!

Some wonderful news, MoonWing Dove. In your absence, I have to date received somewhere in the neighborhood of 1500 requests for information about the new COEA retreat which recently opened in the pristine wilderness of the wickedly beautiful state of Wyoming.

Almost every one of these inquiries made either a financial or a voluntary service commitment to the COEA, and some made both, and more than a few of these were long term commitments. I'd call that more than special....more like extra triple special.

I knew you would want to hear about this as soon as possible, and I do apoligize for disturbing you there in the inner sanctum where you have been meditating in the prone semi-lotus position for almost three weeks now without food or water. We have all been hoping and assuming that you could join us soon and take us in under the umbrella of the latest COEA shepherding guidelines.

I have been to the so-called COEA (Church OF Enlightened Assumption) retreat in Trelona, Wyoming and much to my surprise it turned out to be nothing more than a run down vermin-infested safe house for New Age animal rights activists who are on the run from the authorities. There was absolutely no sign of anyone called Sister Moonwing Dove or any of the other members of the COEA, and in fact there was no sign that they had ever been there.

I suspect this was simply a recruiting operation designed to lure unsuspecting religious pilgrims into the wild Wyoming wilderness so they could be used as guinea pigs in some type of medical research lab infiltration operation. My advice to anyone seeking to visit this place is to stay away for your own health and safety.

This mysterious Moonwing Dove woman has not been seen or heard from in several months, and neither have any of her COEA followers. This organization, if indeed it is even organized, is probably some type of cult. Look at this woman's photo...that face...that smile....that strange polka dot dress...that hairdo....those size 9 medium black heels....I suggest to you that something is not quite right with this situation.

This proves once again that many humans simply cannot be trusted, whereas almost all aliens can be trusted. Have you ever seen an alien in a polka dotted dress? Have you ever heard of an alien pretending to be the spokesperson for some type of polka dot dress-wearing cult based church? Of course not, and you never will. The truth is, there is no Moonwing Dove or COEA, and there never was.

That's odd. It seems the community of Trelona, Wyoming no longer exists. Trelona would have been located somewhere within Goshen County, but where? If Trelona was still there, it would be 4,560 feet above sea level.

Evidently there was a vibrant community at this location at one time, but that all changed a few months after this CoEA cult moved into the area. Someone has a lot of explaining to do. It just ain't right for an entire community to vanish from the face of the earth like that. And who is this MoonWingDove woman, and what has she done with a big chunk of Wyoming landscape? The ex-citizens of Trelona want some answers and soon.

Yesterday on the street, I saw a woman wearing a polka dot dress just like the one this MoonWingDove lady is wearing, and from behind, the hair and all looked just like hers, so I ran up behind her and said, "Excuse me, Miss, but are you MoonWingDo...?" But the second she turned around I could see it wasn't her. Then I thought, well hell, of course it wasn't her. This is not Wyoming and no woman would wear the same dress for almost five years in a row. I just assumed too much without thinking I reckon.

Well, of course it was me. I am one with The Light, and all who have been taken in by our Church are one with me, and I with them! It's dizzying at times, being so many places and so many people at once! My my... but that just *one* of the benefits you get by letting the Church of Enlightened Assumption take you in.

And Yvonne... silly girl! There's no need to be fiddling around with alars and incense! You ought to know that, if you have truly been Assumed! Why not come over to the Center for an... Attunement. No appoinment required! We *want* to take you in!

Mr. WakeHolden... what can I... *we* do for you? Why do you seek me? Are you weary of this world, and the dingy curtain you have been taught to call "existence"...? Are you ready to throw it aside? We are here to help, 24/7. We want to Assume the best about you. Let us help!

Well, I'll just be waltzed across Texas backwards, it was you, MoonWinger woman!!! These dingy existence scales clinging to my innermost spirit eyes must have prevented me from recognizing you out there on the street in broad daylight like that.

Of course I should have known you can take whatever form you choose since you are at one with The Light like that. I guess when someone like me who hasn't been taken in in such a long time, well, they kinda forget what it's like. I am somewhat embarrassed if you get my drift.

I assume you have been too busy with taking people into the CoEA to spend any time posting to us unenlightened unassuming near-do-wells way down here in the lonesome belly of the Paranoia Files. I fondly recollect how excited we all were back in ought-two when you announced the opening of the new CoEA retreat center up there in beautiful Trelona, Wyoming. I said to my wife that night, "Honeyrabbit, let's us load up the old chuckwagon van and drive up to Wyoming for a spell and get ourselves took in." Shoot.

Oh, Sister MoonWingDove? Is that REALLY you? I mean really really really you? All my hopes and prayers have finally been answered. This has truly been my longest and most difficult testing period yet. I assumed you were never ever coming back here to counsel us ever again. How wrong I was.

As for my tiny makeshift altar, yes, it was silly of me, but it was my way of keeping the memory of our special founders always in my thoughts. The tiny color photograph of SunFather and MoonMother is all I had to remind me of their selfless devotion to the CoEA. Yes, I am in need of a Light Tuneup if you can squeeze me in.

Sigh...There's only one more thing that would make my life complete right now, and that would be for old crazy Mary from Temecula to log in and start bugging me with a bunch of her solipsist bullsh*t.

If that were to happen, I could die in peace without a bunch of unresolved clutter clouding up my last few remaining dark days. This must be the dawning of that new era I've been hearing so much about here lately. Too bad I ain't got another 5 years to waste seeing it happen.

Good evening, folks!

I'm here tonight because I've been hired by... well.. actually, I'm not sure who hired me, but I'll take the work when it comes! Hey, you never know when it'll rain, know what I'm sayin'?

So, as I understand it, this old guy is queer for some babe named "Mary"? And she's a sarcasticly funny solipsist?

I can do that. Sure! Just gimme a minute to get the character...

Please. Enjoy some drinks from the bar. I'll be with you shortly, folks! While you wait, think of some situation you'd like to see Mary and this guy in, okay? I'll take the best suggestion hollered out from the sudience!

(Stage darkens. Music lightly tinkles. }

Clap, clap, clap,cla......your entrance was...overdone to say the least. Normally, when a *real actor* (or actress) reads for a role in a movie or a play, they try and choose a role for which they are qualified and reasonably confident they can handle all the subtle nuances and other demanding aspects of that particular character.

I point this out because right out of the loading chute you have designated yourself as a male a-c-t-o-r as opposed to a female actress. It's possible that you possess the rudimentary skills necessary to be a convincing female solipsist, but that remains to be seen, and there's also the real possibility that you may not be the only one reading for this part. Remember, I have limited amount of time for the selection process. There's always a chance the real Mary will show up and then your smartass will be unemployed and back on the street where you belong..



So maybe you can explain how an old guy (a male, who is not THAT old actually) is "queer" for a female named Mary? You're erroneously assuming there's some type of sexual and or romantic aspect to this old guy's previous relationship with this sarcastic solipsist Mary woman, which is not the case. Obviously, you did not read over the script before you stumbled in off the street desperate for work and all swole up with randy queerisms.



There is no predictable stereotypical "situation" you inarticulate ninny, this is a discussion website where people post things about the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) retreat located in backwoods Wyoming and run by a woman called MoonWingDove. The real Mary would automatically know what to post. She wouldn't have to ask some anonymous bystander what to do next. Shhheeesh! Who the hell hired you anyway? Some yuppie yoyo from one of the so-called serious threads no doubt. A guy who thinks he can play Mary. Shhhhhhhhttt!

Don't quote me on this, Yvonne, But I heard through the grapevine this CoEA church thing is owned by Walmart.

I wouldn't be surprised. You show up at one of those Light things thry have, before you know it you're whisked away to some Re-education ceter in China, and you come out as a Walmart Greeter. (shiver)

The horror.... the horror....


Trust no-one!!

What's with your spelling here lately? Is this how PAPP trains it's agents to blend in with the locals in places like Paranoia? And and how do you know so much about Walmart greeters? I mean, not many people know they send these people to China for 6 weeks of orientation and training at one of the Great Walmart factories.

This has to be a first. I've never heard of anyone wanting to impersonate another discussion website member...even one that hasn't been around in a year or so. Talk about making a lasting impression. Mary was witty and all that, but she wasn't that memorable.

Is this a new twist in Internet Multiple Personality Disorder? Will others follow this individual's example, and sign in as an Impersonation of some other long gone person? Is this in the latest edition of DSM-IV yet? We are making mental health history right here in the paranoia files. Is there a grant proposal writer out there.. a real one, ok?

Not only does Walmart own the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) but this MoonWingDove woman works in their marketing department, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe her specialty is New Age publications and products.

Oh and, unless I'm badly mistaken, I saw her recently at a Walmart stockholder's meeting up in Bentonville. She gave a big whopping 30 minute sales speech. She's like their in-house motivational guru person or something. I mean, she was still wearing the same polka dot dress. Go figure.

I wouldn't be surprised if the government came to help these people.

I heard that there was a plan in place to rescue the people in the CoEA, like what happened in Waco with the Branch Davidians, but it was scrapped by the Bush White House because they did not want a repeat of Waco. I'm not so sure a Waco style assault would go over in Wyoming. Wyomingites are a different breed from Texans. I say let them be. Who can they hurt but themselves? Assuming of course they're still up there and are still taking people in. I'm told this charismatic MoonWingDove woman is no David Koresch, but she does play the electric guitar, a 1967 Gibson Les Paul sunburst top if I'm not mistaken. Damn! Some people have all the luck.

I have been lucky enough to pay a visit to the COEA headquarters and campus, and I must say they are wonderful people, living in harmony on beautiful grounds, raising beautiful, intelligent well behaved children.

Although I was skeptical at first, a few meetings with these good souls convinced me that they are indeed on a path to both earthly and spiritual paradise.

Does it sound like it is too good to be true? I thought so too. But my friends, I urge you to look. Don't take my word for it. See for yourself.

Throw away your silver foil and join me in the new revolution, for peace, love and harmony.

H.H.

I am being delighted to return to Fool Moon after such a long absence as this.

I am pleased to now been representing the Church of the Enlightened Assumption on behalf of my firm Laufenberg und Associates, based in New York City, San Fransisco, and Kaiserslautern, Germany.

I have been hopeful to have a long lasting relationship with them, and if anyone has any questions about the CoEA be pleased to ask and I shall do my best to answer.

Hannelore Laufenberg
Laufenberg Associates

Many of the posters and viewers here in the P-Files may remember a few months back when there was an unsuccessful attempt on the part of someone to chronicle the brief history of FoolMoon. My modest contribution to that short-lived effort was the significant part played by Hannelore Laufenberg in the FM story.

You may also recall that my main source of information in this matter at the time was a document which came into my possession from sources I cannot divulge, and that document was in fact none other than the personal memoirs of Ms Laufenberg. Unfortunately this memoir was stolen from my residence by persons unknown, but thanks to my rather excellent and near photographic memory, I am able to recall each entry right down to the correct page and paragraph number. In none of the numerous entries is there ever any mention of the firm Laufenberg and Associates based in NYC, San Francisco, and Kaiserslautern.

However there is an entry in section IV, pages 137-147 of the HL memoir document which describes in great detail a number of imposters (six to be exact)who at one time or the other pretented to be Hannelore for nefarious reasons, not the least of which was to gain access to the inner sanctum of the Laufenberg Foundation. Fortunately none of the imposters were successful, and most were rounded up and imprisoned, all but one that is.

The real identity of this woman was never determined, but on the day she was discovered and exposed, she did make three phone calls to a male contact in Kaiserslautern, Germany. A record of this event was in the form of an official letter from the ISD (Internal Security Division) at the German Embassy.

As for Hannelore being associated with the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) no such association was mentioned in the memoir. Although Hannelore was aware of the CoEA's existence, and may have made some token financial contribution to the CoEA, I seriously doubt she would offer her services as chief council for such a fringe New Age group. I mean, I just can't see Hannelore rubbing elbows with this MoonWingDove woman...an old threadbare polka dotted dress, a worn out pair of size 9 medium black heels, and all that rigamarole about tranquility, peace, light, and what was it...assumption? The real mistake here would be to erroneously *assume* this person is the real HL.

As you well know, I have for reference not only Mr. Hyman Hayden and Mr. Woodvine, but Mr. Mel Gibson as well.

There should be no doubting of who I say I am, as I am the genuine article.

Further more I am asking from you nothing but merely making this announcement that I and my firm are representating the CoEA.

Those who pretended to be me have never spent six months in jail as I have for innocent trumped up charge, and my attorneys are still working on discovering the truth. The document mentioned as my memoir is a forgery which has been stated by the German court and the language in it is not so good as a real German would write.

If Mr. Gibson or Mr. Hayden or Mr. Woodvine would like to vouch for me they may do so but are under no obligation, as I know the truth and will speak it.

Hannelore Laufenberg
Laufenberg und Associates
New York - San Fransisco - Kaiserslautern

As many of you know, I have not posted here for some time, however I feel it incumbent upon me to speak now.

I don't know if the Hannelore Laufenberg who is writing here is the same person who was my press assistant some years ago. If she is, I can assure you she is a scoundrel and a liar.

Thanks once again to Helice and Dax for this website.

Mel


Be sure to see Edge of Darkness coming in 2009. and Under and Alone in 2010.

Oh my! Hann...Hannelore. It IS you! I cannot tell you how, well, how pleased and surprised I am to see you here. Perhaps we could, maybe get together sometime for a cup of coffee? Or maybe even a drink. Yeah. That would be good. A drink to discuss, uh, mutual interests. You think?

. o O (Oh good god!)

SP00K! Where the hell have been? No wait. Don't tell me. I don't want to hear any more stories about your extensive travels "around the Continent" on "official super secret PAPP business." Hah! I'm not surprised to see you pop in here sniffing around the m