Have you.... seen him? Hyman Hayden?

I can't believe he's mixed up with this crazy Church. I can't believe he'd tell us all to relax and go about our business. I can't believe he'd tell us to *trust*....

No. I can't believe it. I won't believe it. I need to see him. Where is he? Why hasn't he contacted *me*, as he always has in the past? Where did *you* come from, and why is he working with *you* all of a sudden? I don't buy it, not any of it.

Back off, sister. He's *mine*. (sob)

I don't trust ANY of you! None of you! Where are you Hyman???

I beg your pardon! I do not need YOU to tell ME how I should be acting. Just because you are such an insuffereable suck-up to Hayden you think you can order everyone else around.

Personally, I have no idea what Hayden's problem is or what is causing his current mental aberation, but I am sure Miss Laufenberg is NOT responsible for it despite all that caterwaulering from Helice. I think this makes Helice less than trustworthy, if you ask me.

Helice! YOU need to suck it up and get a grip on yourself, or else you will not be of any value to P.A.P.P. or anyone else.

I ran into Hayden quite by accident a week ago when I was in Grand Central Station, lunching at the Oyster Bar with a friend.

We didn't have much time to talk, as he was catching a train to somewhere in upstate New York for reasons which he told me but seem obscure.

He really does believe in the CoEA, or he's the best actor I've ever seen. He didn't mention Laufenberg, but he gave me some brochures.

I told this to Helice but she still believes he is either under some spell or has ulterior motives.

It isn't true. It wasn't him. I'm not listening. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. I can't hear you!

(sob!)

Now, now, now, Helice. It will be OK. Get a hold of yourself. Obviously we have a conundrum here but it isn't anything we can't solve if we put our heads together.


Obscure, huh? That does sound like the Hyman Hayden I know. Always a little obscure about this and that. Still, it would be nice to know precisely where in upstate New York he was heading. Perhaps we could put daSpook on the problem, knowing how experienced he is at tracking people. Or tailing them. Or something. Speaking of whom...


I'll graciously overlook your obvious envy of my close association with Hyman Hayden IF you think you can be of any practical use in this matter. Besides trailing after you-know-who like a lovesick puppy.

By the way, I trust you haven't lost that Pulse-Projection® Defensive Perimeter Field Generator prototype you were given by the R&D Division. That was the only example of it. Remember? You haven't lost it have you? We may need that in down the road if this mystery surrounding Hyman Hayden is more than just an individual case of aberrant thought process.

As always, be careful. Be very careful. Trust no one.

I remain the one, the only,
Ray

Mel Gibson? Here at Fool Moon? Since when do big shot movie stars have time to go galavanting around on the internet like some bored chiropractor's receptionist? If you're Mel Gibson, I'm Barbara Walters. Things here in the Paranoiaville have really gone to hell in the last few months.

And you worthless PAPP people...what exactly is your reason for existing anyway? It took me all of 10 seconds to rid this place of those slimey alien no accounts like Jazmoora. You PAPP'rs have been trying for what...10 years?

And what kind of woman (my silly niece, Helice) makes a big fuss over some yoyo like this lame Hayden fella? If my Everett could see what's going on down here, he'd bawl his fool head off. It happens in the best of families I reckon. Why can't you find some decent New England boy with a real job and a house in Martha's Vinyard?

Not so fast there Ms Laufenberger, we only have a handful of hastily typed words done no doubt while waiting for some form of public transportation. It reminds me of the time my late wife, Marina (may she rest in peace) was taken in by a fast talking marketing creep who claimed to be in the superconductor business.

He convinced my dear sweet Ukrainian princess in to investing her life savings in ordered macroporous cuttlefish bone superconductors, and how cuttlefish bone was THE template of the future and how it was covered with organic chitin which had an affinity for metal ions. Ha! Cuddle Smuddle!!!

Oh, and I've never known Wakeholden to misrepresent himself or post false or misleading information like this Laufenberg Memoir that you claim is bogus. His reputation speaks for itself. Always honest and above board in his posts. The same cannot be said for the majority of those who associate themselves with this shady PAPP organization.

So? Am I supposed to be impressed or something? Hayden is cozying up to what amouints to a New Age Light Cult, Mel Gibson is... well, he's Mel Gibson that's what, and as for this Woodvine character, noone even knows who he is or where he came from or what his agenda is, if he has an agenda, which I seriously doubt. A man or a woman with no agenda is suspicious and cannot be trusted.

Has this Woodvine ever come right out and owned up to being associated with any reputable organization or institution? Always uncommitted and on the fence about everything. I say it's time the Gibsons and the Haydens and the Woodvines of the world started taking a stand on the issues one way or the other. The term internet flip-flopper suddenly comes to mind.

It's a pleasure to meet you again, Ms. Walters. You look rather different from the last time we met.

All the best,

Mel

I wish to announce to all members of PAPP that the Church of The Enlightened Assumption will be holding a free July 4th get acquainted party at our new Wyoming headquarters.

There is food and lodging for the weekend and all is free. If you smoke, we are also having free MK Ultra cigarettes. There is no obligation to join anything or purchase anything. Families welcome.

PAPP members to please get in touch with me for your invitation, and I look forward to seeing many of you at this festive event

Mr. Hyman Hayden will be in attendance if his duties permit. At the moment he is planning to be there.

Hannelore Laufenberg
Laufenberg und Associates
New York - San Fransisco - Kaiserslautern