Well, of course it was me. I am one with The Light, and all who have been taken in by our Church are one with me, and I with them! It's dizzying at times, being so many places and so many people at once! My my... but that just *one* of the benefits you get by letting the Church of Enlightened Assumption take you in.

And Yvonne... silly girl! There's no need to be fiddling around with alars and incense! You ought to know that, if you have truly been Assumed! Why not come over to the Center for an... Attunement. No appoinment required! We *want* to take you in!

Mr. WakeHolden... what can I... *we* do for you? Why do you seek me? Are you weary of this world, and the dingy curtain you have been taught to call "existence"...? Are you ready to throw it aside? We are here to help, 24/7. We want to Assume the best about you. Let us help!

Well, I'll just be waltzed across Texas backwards, it was you, MoonWinger woman!!! These dingy existence scales clinging to my innermost spirit eyes must have prevented me from recognizing you out there on the street in broad daylight like that.

Of course I should have known you can take whatever form you choose since you are at one with The Light like that. I guess when someone like me who hasn't been taken in in such a long time, well, they kinda forget what it's like. I am somewhat embarrassed if you get my drift.

I assume you have been too busy with taking people into the CoEA to spend any time posting to us unenlightened unassuming near-do-wells way down here in the lonesome belly of the Paranoia Files. I fondly recollect how excited we all were back in ought-two when you announced the opening of the new CoEA retreat center up there in beautiful Trelona, Wyoming. I said to my wife that night, "Honeyrabbit, let's us load up the old chuckwagon van and drive up to Wyoming for a spell and get ourselves took in." Shoot.

Oh, Sister MoonWingDove? Is that REALLY you? I mean really really really you? All my hopes and prayers have finally been answered. This has truly been my longest and most difficult testing period yet. I assumed you were never ever coming back here to counsel us ever again. How wrong I was.

As for my tiny makeshift altar, yes, it was silly of me, but it was my way of keeping the memory of our special founders always in my thoughts. The tiny color photograph of SunFather and MoonMother is all I had to remind me of their selfless devotion to the CoEA. Yes, I am in need of a Light Tuneup if you can squeeze me in.

Sigh...There's only one more thing that would make my life complete right now, and that would be for old crazy Mary from Temecula to log in and start bugging me with a bunch of her solipsist bullsh*t.

If that were to happen, I could die in peace without a bunch of unresolved clutter clouding up my last few remaining dark days. This must be the dawning of that new era I've been hearing so much about here lately. Too bad I ain't got another 5 years to waste seeing it happen.

Good evening, folks!

I'm here tonight because I've been hired by... well.. actually, I'm not sure who hired me, but I'll take the work when it comes! Hey, you never know when it'll rain, know what I'm sayin'?

So, as I understand it, this old guy is queer for some babe named "Mary"? And she's a sarcasticly funny solipsist?

I can do that. Sure! Just gimme a minute to get the character...

Please. Enjoy some drinks from the bar. I'll be with you shortly, folks! While you wait, think of some situation you'd like to see Mary and this guy in, okay? I'll take the best suggestion hollered out from the sudience!

(Stage darkens. Music lightly tinkles. }

Clap, clap, clap,cla......your entrance was...overdone to say the least. Normally, when a *real actor* (or actress) reads for a role in a movie or a play, they try and choose a role for which they are qualified and reasonably confident they can handle all the subtle nuances and other demanding aspects of that particular character.

I point this out because right out of the loading chute you have designated yourself as a male a-c-t-o-r as opposed to a female actress. It's possible that you possess the rudimentary skills necessary to be a convincing female solipsist, but that remains to be seen, and there's also the real possibility that you may not be the only one reading for this part. Remember, I have limited amount of time for the selection process. There's always a chance the real Mary will show up and then your smartass will be unemployed and back on the street where you belong..



So maybe you can explain how an old guy (a male, who is not THAT old actually) is "queer" for a female named Mary? You're erroneously assuming there's some type of sexual and or romantic aspect to this old guy's previous relationship with this sarcastic solipsist Mary woman, which is not the case. Obviously, you did not read over the script before you stumbled in off the street desperate for work and all swole up with randy queerisms.



There is no predictable stereotypical "situation" you inarticulate ninny, this is a discussion website where people post things about the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) retreat located in backwoods Wyoming and run by a woman called MoonWingDove. The real Mary would automatically know what to post. She wouldn't have to ask some anonymous bystander what to do next. Shhheeesh! Who the hell hired you anyway? Some yuppie yoyo from one of the so-called serious threads no doubt. A guy who thinks he can play Mary. Shhhhhhhhttt!

Don't quote me on this, Yvonne, But I heard through the grapevine this CoEA church thing is owned by Walmart.

I wouldn't be surprised. You show up at one of those Light things thry have, before you know it you're whisked away to some Re-education ceter in China, and you come out as a Walmart Greeter. (shiver)

The horror.... the horror....


Trust no-one!!

What's with your spelling here lately? Is this how PAPP trains it's agents to blend in with the locals in places like Paranoia? And and how do you know so much about Walmart greeters? I mean, not many people know they send these people to China for 6 weeks of orientation and training at one of the Great Walmart factories.

This has to be a first. I've never heard of anyone wanting to impersonate another discussion website member...even one that hasn't been around in a year or so. Talk about making a lasting impression. Mary was witty and all that, but she wasn't that memorable.

Is this a new twist in Internet Multiple Personality Disorder? Will others follow this individual's example, and sign in as an Impersonation of some other long gone person? Is this in the latest edition of DSM-IV yet? We are making mental health history right here in the paranoia files. Is there a grant proposal writer out there.. a real one, ok?