I was sitting here and reading up on the posts, and i noted how a few of us repeatedly write on here, lol, ummmm what kind of persons write here, are we clever cookies? tough cookies? ummmm hopefully someone here in the dark corridors of Foolmoon will answer...... anrora off to have her lunch.

I don't see what the big mystery is, Anora....have you been upstairs and read some of the so-called political and religious discussions? Even an extremely verbose pointy-eared pain-in-the-butt half alien liberal agitator like myself knows the difference between mindless knee-jerk rhetoric and real enlightened in-depth understanding, which is obviously mostly what we have here in the paranoid section.

In the 6 months or so that I've been here in merry olde paranoidland not one person has jumped down my throat about my political or religious beliefs, mainly because I no longer have any...I mean I did have a few when I first came to FM, but if such beliefs are gonna end up making an intolerant total *sshole out of me, then I didn't need them in the first place. Make sense? The second reason I come here, and by far the more important one is that we don't allow such filth in the paranoid section to begin with.

And to answer your cookie question..we are all mostly clever cookies in here, and a few of us are tough cookies too, but some of us are real sweet laid back melt in your mouth chocolate oozing lip-smacking back-slapping super cookies (notice how the verbosity rolls of the end of my little green tongue like coins from a slot machine at jackpot time) Hope this helps you understand things better. If you want to send me cookies, I'll make the necessary arrangements with the paranoid cookie delivery service.

Quote:

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ummmm what kind of persons write here

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People with huge heads with throbbing veins in their foreheads (and the associated huge brain power that goes with such things), as depicted in several 1950's science fiction movies....

It is scary how the future turned out exactly as they predicted. Did they know something we don't?

There are of course exceptions.

Rumour has it Dax is actually a super-intelligent dog (hence the name), which is why he only contributes very infrequently : when his claws need clipping he can no longer type intelligently so there is a prolonged period of silence. Then he comes back on again.

Bre is a genetically-engineered decendant of the Valkyries who when she is not typing here often swings onto her horse, straps on her trusty sword and gallops into the woods singing hearty nordic female-warrior type songs. Woe to any man (or tree) that gets in her way on such outings ! Many Amazonian battle hymns have been written concerning such deeds and the modern day lumberjacks are reputed to be descendants of trysts between such women and the warrioirs of old.

The rest? Envision those huge heads and large sheets of algebraic-type notations going deep into the night.

What a wonderful world it is....

Contractual disagreements aside Jaz I agree whole hearted with your assessment whole heartedly.

I try going to some of the other places and even reply to posts now and again however I find myself being drawn to Paranoia like flys to a zapper.

I have what you might call Weirdsenseofhumoritis ... people either love me or hate me, sometimes liking me but not really sure.

I told B'Wana that when I found fm's paranoia files I found people who were just like meeeeee. He slapped his hand against his forehead and screamed .... "oh noooooo".

I'd have to agree with Jazzy in that we are a mix of smart cookies and tough cookies ... just plain old lovers of cookies and all things weird.

Ummmm ... what was the question?

It's somewhat disturbing to hear that you actually go to some of these "other places" and post messages, messages which are read by normal unparanoid people. I cringe when I think of your dear sweet words being gawked and ogled over by some egotistical normal discussion forum bully.

I just don't think it's fair for you to be doing this to the rest of us in here, Bre, and especially to me....someone who actually likes you, and you know how difficult it is for me to like anyone, but I went out on a limb with you...I trusted you..I opened up to you....I exposed my innermost thoughts and fears to you.....I bared my very soul to you....I liked you for better or worse...I made a committment, and I had hoped it was that way with you as well....but then you went outside this forum and posted up there in topic discussion territory....politics and religion and entertainment and health issues..how could you be so insensitive? I am one more sad sad sad person about this.

Promise me you won't go back up...up there....please...pretty please...I mean...what's wrong with us paranoids? Could it be that you have a latent desire to be normal as well? Do you have an insatiable wish to hobnob and sashay around with all those big shots in the gun control discussions...or is it the ones in the organized religion folders that you want to hang with?

I won't sleep any tonight that's for sure. I may as well put on the coffeepot and lock all the doors and worry myself into some kind of seizure or something....I hope you see the damage that's come from all this. Maybe I should try and make an appointment with my therapist about this situation....no, she wouldn't understand my feelings either...

I think I'll just go for a nice walk along the river instead...the view is so nice from the 91st street bridge,,,so high up...so far down to the water...so peaceful below the surface...down down with the mermaids and sirens and the lights shimmering above me as I sink into oblivion....away from all things and all people who strive to be so normal.

Do you see now jaz how bre is not good for you? Come back Jaz come back to lb2. Your position is held open you and your sheep await your return.

I strongly suspect it was you, Lt. Aka who left that can of Alien Alpo in my fridge, and I also think it was you who changed the sleeping arrangements so my berth would end up in the agri farm section....I detect an insidious diversionary tactic at work here.....one which seeks to divert attention away from your own diabolical schemes and recreate a bogus issue...in this case a tawdry sheepgate scandal....nothing more than a perverted deviant dispicable plot to focus attention away from yourself and onto an innocent bystander like myself.

You'll need the services of an alien chasing attorney if and when you get to Planet X..since I plan to file a harassment lawsuit for 450 nmillion dollars plus attorney fees. Yes, that's right..Lady MoonLady is my lawyer and she's a damn good one too...she's never lost a case and she's got the ego to prove it. See you in court.

* psssssst, Jazzy * Stay away from moonlady, her old man is lookin for ya. Says somethin about you stealin his woman like 10 years ago or somethin. Shhh ... just thought you should know.

Who loves ya baby?

Yes my sweet Jazzy ... I admit it. I actually did try and be normal so the others would like me but I know now that it's useless and fool hardy to think such things.

Why, they didn't quite know what to think when they saw me there. I heard them whispering and saw them smirk when they thought I wasn't looking but I saw and I heard what they said, "Go back to Paranoia ya fruit cake, who does she think she is anyway? Go on ... git outta here ya loony tune silver hooded freak."

Yes, I heard ... at first I was hurt but then I remembered my real friends, the ones who like my cookies and are so much fun to party with. The ones who accept me for who and what I am .

I'm back now though Jazzy and only hope you and the others can forgive me my foolish and childish ways.

I'm sorry

That's how it happens Dixie. One minute you're being all nicey nice in another forum, then WHAM ... you're anonymous.

You're one of us now ...

Hi Anrora,Why you're here is a mystery to me, but is perhaps no coincidence.

No One Figures This Out On Their Own! This is a frequently asked question... (FAQ) means that the guards at mental hospitals own computers and were distracted long enough for the patients to use them.

Paranoia Files is the playground for the imaginative, and the garden for the dreamers. The landing strip for wandering thoughts. The vault for opinions on very pressing, contemporary issues, such as the quest to save the The Alien Tree, and why Akashic and Jazmoora are not trying to subliminally take over the world.

Or am I being neurotic, schizoid, over-aggressive, PARANOID to say these things? Hmm.

The Paranoia Files, is the playground for the MAD.

We are all Mad...Do you really need to know anything more than that?

There are more of us out there (lunatics), although most are not allowed to walk the streets without heavy degrees of supervision. This would explain why we all operate computers so well.

Faithfull, teeeheee yes i got to be "mad" to write in the paranoia, yet i find it comorting to write in the dark deep bowls of the Foolmoon boards, mad enough to follow up on us strange happy paranoid posters here, hugs and you sure made me grin anrora

Anrora,


(Is this your given name?) I have a sister by the same unusual, lovely name, who always thought she was the only one, so I wonder what she will think about you?


I've been in the background for several days, perusing the paranoid thoughts of you good people of Foolmoon, and if I may be so bold, I would consider it an honor to be among the ranks of those here who are adept at receiving any and all paranoid intergalactic transmissions from wherever they are coming from. (Welcome, or not?)


Just call me Raven, and I am at your service..

You know, Bre, if I got upset every time some bone dead husband came to my door whining and bitching about his poor taken advantage of helpless defenseless naive horny wife, I'd always be in a nervous tizzy. Can I help it if some husbands never learned about the birds and the bees? How is that my fault?

The truth is I actually did most of 'em a favor but they too dense to realize it. Now their little honeypots know the fine art of alien lovemaking and they can run along home and show papa. What's wrong with that?

Raven
please get comfy sit back and get ready for the biggest and most exciting adventure on the paranoia files, even though i do thoroughly enjoy writing here i have to admit to a serious side as well, its an honour for me to count you as one more of my pals on here, do feel free to splurge your words on here and to tickle us ladies fancies lol with your wit and smooth words, as for me i do find myself attracted to the paranoia files whenever i log onto foolmoon, i only just read your post and hopefully catch you laters...... anrora

You are forgiven for your trespasses and your unauthorized foray into the nether reaches of the perfectly normal discussion groups, but don't let it happen again or you will be shunned. And believe you me, there's nothing worse than an old fashioned shunning. I know...I been shunned a few times in my day and still have the emotional scars to prove it.

You are such a sweet loving caring person, so it's really hard to accept when you crossover the line and fraternize with those insidious normal people about politics and stuff. You belong here with us. You are one of us...you are our Queen. We expect more from you than from the others. Let this be a lesson.

Dear Raven..

As Captain of HMS Freedom Shuttle, and acting on behalf of our Queen, Queen Bre, I am hereby authorized to request your presence aboard our sturdy ship on its maiden voyage to Planet X which will be our new home since earth is scheduled for near imminent nuclear destruction any day now by Kim Jung Elvis and the stark raving mad Fundy Bubbas in the U.S. Govt.

Actually you are lucky I ran into you as we do have a few seats left, and one of them has your name on it. The name Raven will be added to our manifest as soon as you submit to a brief battery of tests and undergo a complete physical and mental evaluation which will be administered by yours truly.

Not to worry as I am a highly qualified tester and evaluator. If you have any questions concerning these matters, please ask our lovely Queen and she will fill you in on the details and what duties you might be assigned during our journey.

I will also ask that you completely ignore all the vicious rumors and innuendo about me which are currently being circulated around Paranoidland. Lies one and all put out by my enemies and the enemies of all that is right and good in the universe. Believe none of it, and I do mean none...Trust me.

hmmmmm ........... Queen indeed lmao haha thats what you think, i shall be Queen one day and what you going to do about it? on second thoughts here as for the Queen thing ummmm now thinking about it i am a REPUBLICAN so OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! freedom of the people and all that jazz..... *sighs* off to bed for an early night, ummm i dont care to be alone here in paranoia i shall stand alone in my battle for freedom! nananananaaa Jazmoora, heheheee heeeee anrora!!!!

Hey Raven, nice to meet ya ... welcome to the Paranoia Files. I'm Bre, Queen of our new home, Planet X which is where we will be flying to when this, our earthly home, has met it's final day.

Please ignore the ramblings of some of the other women here who think THEY should be Queen (Anora). Although she is very sweet she lacks the skills required to get her own way and would soon sucomb to the will of our enemies leaving Planet X open to numerous attacks by every free loader this side of the Milky Way.

I will be looking forward to seeing more of you here and reading what you have to say about what you've learned up to now regarding the world of Paranoia and it's reality deprived occupants.

Welcome aboard,
Bre

While there can only be one queen, there are always many ladies-in-waiting, aren't there?
(And who's to say that the kingdom won't be rightly divided between the lovely Anrora, and the equally honorable Bre?)


There are exciting times yet to come, your highnesses!
Enjoy your moments in the sun--for the sun may soon pass away as well...
And with that I remain,


your most humble servant,


Raven

Sorry, Raven, but there can only be one queen, and her name is Bre. Lady Anora simply cannot be queen because she does not have royal blue blood in her veins like Bre does. She can be a lady in waiting, a court jester, a courtly maiden, a servant girl, a magician's assistant, one of the King's courtesans, a court musician, or a cook in the Queen's kitchen, but she cannot be a member of the royal family.

Serious? Us? I resent that remark, Anora. Well.. I never! I absolutely despise being taken serious by anyone to the inth degree. Who do you think you are anyway accusing me of being serious?

Some people gotta lotta nerve, and after all I've done to promote harmony and good will and all that kind of BS. I even invited you to join our wonderful shuttle crew, but nooooooooooo, you gotta get mad and take everything we say serious. Are you paranoid or what?

A rule is rule you know. I don't make'em, I just break'em. The fact is according to rule number 1, in order to be queen, a woman must have royal blue blood, golden hair, and be saucy....but the blue blood is the main requirement....the gold hair can be faked and so can the saucy part, but not the blue blood. I'm sorry if you are offended by this, but it ain't worth getting mad about.

Raven do not let this lunacy invade you. I councilman Akashic represent the true goverment here in paranoia. I along with commander Paul Biff of 'LoveBoat 2 and member of the council are the only true power here.

We along with out attorney Emperor welcome you Raven to LB2 and offer you the chance to join with use. Do not let the sweet talking Jaz or his Idlolised induced fantasy of Queen Bre influence your choice. {Bre will be coming on LL2 and is only playing the Jaz card}and Anora will be Jazs

Be wary of this wanna be faction and their converted 747 space ship. Do not settle for imitation deep space vessels. Do you really want to spend 40 years on a boeing 747 or would you rather be on an aurthentic inter generational deep space vessel with your own 1000 sq. ft. cabin.

You call that pile of rusted Russian space junk a space shuttle? Government? There is no official government here...this is Paranoidland, not some junior miss intern program in the oral office somewhere. You neglected to tell her about your LB II crew of Amazon hooter ladies. Yeah, she'll be mighty thrilled to be sharing space with them for 40 big ones.

Anora will fit right in with the other petite n' sweet females on the Freedom Shuttle, and if she promises to behave and stop being so damn serious, we might let her dress up in one of the Queen's royal outfits and be the substitute queen for a day when Bre is too busy or not feeling well enough to do her queening chores. Am I not going out of my way to make everybody happy in here?

My dear sweet Anora, I have been authorized to adnminister the Acme Queen Test to you. Please answer all the un-serious questions as best you can and be honest too...unless of course you prefer being dishonest..either way is fine...I can tell the difference.

But first of all, I think you need to calm down and release some of this stress that's been building up for so long. I have found that one of the most effective ways to stop stress is to watch and listen to cows.

Yep, I said cows! Studies show that cow-watching reduces stress by at least 41%. I am posting a website below which is located in Hazard, Nebraska, which has lots of nice color cow pics, and there are even a couple of quickTime video clips of "cows grazing" and "cows demonstrating their coolness"...., and there are also cow mooing sounds and such. Just click on the little arrow thingy, hold it down, and it will keep repeating itself over and over. Here's the site.....

http://www.nctc.net/~hazard/photo/cows/

After 10 or 15 minutes of listening to cow sounds and watching the relaxing cow videos, you will be completely relaxed and ready to take the queen test. Have fun. Anybody can watch some cows if they want, but you have to be a saucy mallwalker female to take the queen test. Sorry, but that's rule # 2.

Raven.... please feel free to watch some nice Nebraska milk cows and listen to a few of their soulful moos and get yourself in the mood to take the Acme Queen Test as well. You don't seem to be suffering from excess queen envy stress like Anora, but a little cow watching might put you in a better mood as well. I'll see if I can find my copy of the test...I know it's in here somewhere....

I just thought I would mention the fact that today, November 14 th is Jazzy B. Jazmoor (the third's ) birthday, and so far today noone has even attempted to wish me a happy birthday or say thank you or good riddance or [censored] you Jazzy, or anything really...

Instead all I get is a bunch of false accusations about poking sheep and stealing some alien bozo's horny wife and remotely bigging Bre at snot Wally...or being sarcastic with Anora for wanting to be Queen.

Aliens have feelings too you know....we like chocolate cake and tutti frutti ice cream just like you human [censored] [censored] do...and presents...and birthday songs....and noisemakers, and birthday nookie. Some day it will be your birthday, and I hope you all get what you deserve then too.

Oh Anora, I'm so sorry if we hurt your feelings, honest. I'm just playing here and certainly not serious about being Queenie on Planet X or any other planet, lol. Hmmm, would be fun though. Anyway, I'm just a playful paranoia nut and living in never never land ... I actually thought you might jump in and announce that you were going to be my opposition and make things even more interesting.

Anyway ... it's just all in fun sweetie, really so can we kiss and make up and get back to pretending that we can actually rule our world? Oh, and please ... could you not call me serious again? I mean, I've been called some names before but that really hurts .... whimsically challenged maybe ... serious never.

xoxox,
Bre

Where's my birthday hug and my birthday cookies and my ice cream? Is this any way to treat your captain? Anora's is just pulling our leg...she's not mad....Spanish women are like that...always acting serious when deep down they're laughing their butts off.

**** Happy Birthday to you
**** Happy Birthday to you
**** Happy Birthday dear Jazzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
**** Happyyyy Birthdayyyyy tooooo youuuuu.

You almost spoiled my surprise as we're having a surprise B-day party for you tonight at 10:30. Meet me out behind the landing strip for your personal and private rendition of Marilyn Monroe's version of the birthday song complete with blow-up dress to stimulate, I mean simulate her famous air blowing up her skirt scene.



Luv you,
Bre

Did you look at the Hazard, Nebraska cow pics and hear the moos on the site I posted?

Hey...hey...I just noticed something, Bre..when I click my mouse arrow on the bar to the right and hold it down and move it up and down real fast, it makes the teddy bear look like he's dancing. Try it. Makes you look that way too, except your dress doesn't fly up when I jiggle. I'll be there tonight with bells on.

Hey, you're right, the teddy does look like he's dancing ... cool. ( jiggle, jiggle )

Will you be wearing anything else or just the bells?

Happy initro day.

Happy Birthday Jazmoor.

You were so funny last night jaz-the-man. Hopping around like a bunny in front of that Amazon woman. Boy oh boy jazmoor did you really have to give that woman a kiss?

Bre and I laughed so much, that I had to take a picture.

*snap*.... goes my camera.

Don't worry jazmoor I will send you a copy of the picture. Then you can display that one along with bre's on your ceiling.


roseruth

Welcome Raven to the paranoia site.

You are to use your most wild imagination while you are here.

I would be most honored if you could come and visit the loveboat2. I would be glad to show you around and if you are interested, could set an appointment for you to meet with Paul for the physical and mental examination. On that ship I am the activites director. I make sure that everyone who joins in this trip to planet X will never be board.

mmmmmm by the way raven would you like a mouth watering ginger bread cookie?

I just made them. They are piping hot and have a blue discoloration to them. I'm sure the flavor of my cookies will satisfy your appetite




roseruth

Just bells you little saucy blonde bell-ringer you!

Last night? I...kissed an Amazon? Where exactly? I don't remember anything after that seventh blue beer, but when I woke up this morning I had the biggest surprise I've seen in years..almost diodn't recognize myself. Amazing what science can do these days.

Raven, how would you rather spend the time while you are skimming through deep space headed for your new home planet?

Would you like being poked and probed and prodded by a crew of horny goofs who're high and stiff on Viagra, and not to mention being yelled at and intimidated by 200 lusty half-crazed violence prone Amazon hotties who seldom shower and almost never shave their legs until the hair begins to look like curly yak fur. That's what you can look foward to on LB II.

Or would you rather join Bre and me on the Freedom shuttle where you will have your own private sleeping and primping quarters complete with a built in state of the art sound and video system.

You can also get breakfast in bed if you want it that way, and you will have unlimited access to our extensive art collection and virtual music studios and we have the very latest in rotating inter-galactic art galleries.

You can immerse yourself in the classics and be creative as much as you want, and not the first horny humanoid will grope you while you sit back in the comfort of your own home and enjoy our wonderful collection of Mozart and Brahams musical holograms...we have over 10 million lifelike recordings, including many gleaned from distant star systems and galaxies throughout the universe.

We also plan on daily meditation sessions, and you can even obtain an advanced academic degree if you fly with us...all using our in-flight higher ed. promo plan..and it's all grants too....none of those awful student loans to pay back. How does a couple of Phd's tacked onto your name sound? You know you can get those Phd's printed after your name in the new phone directory once we get to Planet X.

Won't that look spiffy? Ms Rhonda Deshay Raven III, Phd 1, Phd 2, MD, MS, BS, BA....Wow! You could end up a smart cookie and be a real contender when we start looking for a brite young star to head up the Planet X Education Dept., or you could just wait tables and swamp up after the sex-crazed Amo-Bohemians on LB II.

Yes Raven, fly with us, you won't be sorry. Jazzy's description of the possibilities are very accurate not to mention how much fun we'll all have.

I'm still trying to convince Rosie to join us as well. She's a wonderful photographer and would make a nifty editor of our very own newspaper, the Freedom Gazette. This position comes with many perks so we're hoping sweet little Rosie will seriously consider this position.

If you have any unusual talents perhaps we can find the perfect position for you too.

Oh absolutely, my dear Raven...if you do happen to have any unusual talents or skills, a position is definitely waiting for you...in fact, more than one position if that's the way you prefer things....so many positions, so little time and takers. Once on board, you'll be a perfect fit...that is, I'm certain you will fit right in with our wonderful and well equipped crew. Yes...indeed you will...mmmmmm hmmmmm.

Awwwww Bre I am honored that you would consider me as a member of your crew. But sadly as it may be I must decline your offer. I know we would get along quite well. You have the intelligence and humor to be a good queen bre. And I find it very difficult to choose.

One of my concerns would be jazmoor. If we are sailing though the lonely expanse of space and you go into labor, jazmoor would navigate the ship. Now here is my concern. Woud jazmoor head for his home planet? would he be rewarded for bring sexy, saucy blonde haired woman to be inseminated with his alien race? All I can see is jazmoors devious deception taking place here. A ship full of earth woman. A queen inpregnated with an alien child. A planet that he has be ostracized. What better way of getting back with there good graces.

If jazmoor's intent is not to head off to his home world. Then his entent is to inpregnate woman using his alien love seed. It is a long trip to planet Bre, or X or Bremoor and jazmoor, even though he would be devoted to you and worship you until the end of time. I am worried that his alien love children would eventuality rule your world. Creating a world in his own image.

If he is able to bottle his love seed into a spray, who knows what would happen to us innocent woman on board your ship. Some how I can not fathom the idea of an alien child growing inside me. (shivers)

My devotion is to Akashic and always will be. Paul is such a handy dandy musician, that I could not let down a good friend as well. Besides on loveboat2 my position there is activities coordinator and cookie baker. Our race would be of normal stock not alien.


roseruth

Dear Rosie,

It is because of your loyalty and devotion to aka that makes you such a valuable asset to any ship you decide to journey with. I will honor and repect any decision you make and will remain your trusted friend and fellow partier for all time, regardless.

Nothing in life, aside from family, can beat the loyalty of friends even when those friends follow different paths. None of us are sure of what awaits us in our journey to come but with true friends, all is possible.

I wish you unmeasurable love and a long and happy life sweet Rosie and when we all get to our new planet, whether you get there aboard the LBll or on the Freedom shuttle, we shall always remain the best of friends.

Hey, I just mixed up a batch of margaritas, lets have some fun and see what the amazons are up to ... don't forget your camera, lol.

Star, it really cuts to the quick to hear you try and put these negative thoughts into Bre's pretty little Queen head...really it does....I am quite surprised, but my intuition tells me such devious paranoid thinking could only have come from your bosom nutmeg buddy, Aka. Still I am greatly disappointed in you to say the least.

I have no intention of returning to my home planet...there's nothing for me there...my destiny lies on Planet X with my beloved Queen whom it is my intent to serve until my life ends, which will probably be in approximately 847 years from now (more or less.)

You see, we aliens live a lot longer than you humanoids, mainly due to something in our DNA called the JAZ chromosome...it keeps our bodies purring and stirring century after century...so Jizzy mae will be around a long long time....

And not only that...I plan to give Bre an alien blood transfusion so she can enjoy a long life as well....she will still be mall saucy and petite juicy 2 or 3 hundred years from now....and so will I. So have another oatmeal cookie and be sure you pick up all the empty beer bottles and empty KY tubes from the galley floor of LB II. Happy shuttling!

Really Jazzy? You'll stay with me and little Jizzy Mae forever?

I try and tell others that your heart is good ... perhaps when they see the things you say are true they will be more open and accept you for what you are.

Sometimes I wonder what if ... no, never mind, that would be silly.

I regret I have but one life to give for my Queen.....be that as it may, I shall endeavor to faithfully serve her until the bitter end come what may through thick and thin or deep and wide or long and hard and for as long as there is green blood surging through my majestic purple veined body.

Biff and Aka are double-checking the quad booster motors on that piece of Russian made junk they're calling a shuttle. They just jettisoned all the sheep and took on six tons of MRE's and 7,000 gallons of Molson...I think they are serious. We need to boogie, belly button. Can't build a mall in a swamp you know.

Well you just say the word mon Capitan and we're a-ok for preparation to lift off.

Our little shuttle is all cozy and well equiped for the long journey ahead. This afternoon I took a few bottles of the bubbly ... I love saying bubbly, makes my lips tingle ... and put them in the refrigerator compartment to chill for our take off celebration.

I had hoped our dear friend Deni would be here for this exciting occasion ... her absence worries me Jazzy. I do hope she is alright ... sighhhhhz.

By the way ... who do we have on our crew list anyway? I mean as far as the paranoids? hehe ... sounds alien like doesn't it? Paranoids ... lol.

I'm afraid Cap'n Paulie the Biff and Lt. aka have managed to persuade many to join them by blackening your name.
I'm sorry Jazzy but don't worry, I'm your friend and will stand by you. I know that once we reach our destination they will see what I have come to see and accept you for the goodness in you that they are too blinded to see right now.

Their hatred towards the aliens are understandable my friend, unfortunately their hatred see's only the bad that has been done to them. To them an alien is an alien and all aliens are a danger to mankind and must be destroyed. They have become afraid to trust ... in time this will all change but as with everything, it takes time to heal.

I will be a good Queen to all people ... this too will one day be known, in the meantime I guess you and I are quite the bad ones so how about we have a little fun now while we can. We do have like how many years before we reach our destination?

Hey, I just thought of something ... if you give me some of your Jazzy blood will I look and feel young for almost forever?
I heard Cap'n Paulie and Lt. aka saying how it will take them 20 years to get there. When they land on planet X they will be old and we will still be young ... hmmmm, wonder if they've thought about that one.

847 years jazmoor ( more or less)? Wow jazmoor so how old are you?

Is that one of the reasons you left your planet jazmoor, over crowding? I know there have been rumors of other sorts as to your departure from your planet. But could you enlighten us again the real reason you left your home world to travel to this part of the galaxy?


Bre, I like you and jazmoor very much and I am not a biased type of person. I can live with aliens, amazons and half breeds. Would love a world where we can get along together with out haveing to squabble about alien, amazon or earthling rights.

roseruth

Bre as to jazmoor's crew list. I'm sure he will be taking along his earthly woman and half humanoid children. What a site that will be Bre on your ship. Little ducky feet roaming the ship, no doubt getting into trouble. You might want to have a secluded area just for the wee little ones. this way none of them will get a hold of your controls and lead you else where into outter space.

roseruth

To dispell recent assertion's made by a certian unpleasant green skinned halfbreed turn coat. I have listed some details on the 'Love Boat 2'

LL2 is eqiupped with plasma engines and a ramscope drive for deep space.

Builder: BifAka Shipbuilding Co., Area 52 .
Power Plant: 6 nuclear reactors,
Length, overall: 11,701 feet (3000.35 meters)
Beam: 3902 feet (1000.84 meters)
Displacement: Approx. 9,700,000 tons (3,000,000.9 metric tons) full load
Speed: 70% light speed
Aircraft {shuttle and fighters}: 127
Cost: about $4.5 trillion [option for 2nd at half price}

The ship has a closed enviorment and its own brewery. It has a crew of 1500 and capacity of 10,000.

Your did get one thing right Jaz we expelled all your violated fluffy white ewes and the one ram you took a ...... 'liking' to.

Excellent, excellent, my queen to see that you are ready for the journey before us...we shall not fail, we shall press ever onward and always prevail...this much I promise your ladyship..(bows)

BTW, stocking up on bubbly wubbly was a wonderful idea...hmmmm...bubbly bubbly bubbly bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-buuuuubbly bu-bu-bu...you know, your'e right, it does make your lips tingle. I'm impressed with your thoughtfulness and attention to fine sensual detail.

You'll make a crackerjack jim dandy all around smashingly good queen. Hear! Hear! As the newly installed royal body painter, I shall paint whatever image you desire on any part(s) of your royal blueblooded body, and I shall do it with a steady hand, a song in my heart, and a pure mind which is always mindful of how lucky I am to be servicing (sorry) I mean serving such a lovely exquisitely sculptured queen. Need I say more?

Oh, almost forgot....don't worry about all those horrible and nasty things that have been said about me...one only has to consider the source to understand the credibility of such tawdry goings on...don't allow your pretty little head to be contaminated by such outlandish wordy ordure. Our mall kingdom on X shall be a place of high culture and refinement...there will be art and music and theatre, but the greatest of these works of art shall be you, my queen. Venus, Aphrodite, Helen of Troy, Mona Lisa...and Bre....again...need I say more?

Ha! Likely story...let's have a little reality check right now, shall we?

Builder: BiffAka Shipbuildinf Co. Area 52....BiffAka went belly up three years ago after the CEO (Biff) and his accountant (Aka) cooked the books and pampered themselves with millions of stockholer dollars in the form of heated pools, expensive cars, trips to Las Vegas, and other such despicable unauthorized expenditures...all the while laying off their employees and giving themselves more perks and outrageous bonuses. And as for area 52..it was shut down by the Clinton admin. which did not continue its unlimited funding since it already had Area 51 to begin with.

Powerplant: 6 nuclear reactors. Oh really? Wrong again, Slick Aka....space-based NR's were outlawed by a 2001 treaty signed by all the major nuke powers with the exception of North Korea....Are you telling us you have North korean power plants on your ship? Well, are you? You are in deep kimchi if this turns out to be the case.

Overall length: 11,701 feet..my my..quite a whopper isn't she? Might even be classified as a super-whopper....right up there with a Big Mac and a yahoo Bubbaburger. Mo ah ha ha ha.

Displacement: 9,700,000 tons....whoa baby! Those are some pr-etty chubby Amazons you old boys are hauling around there, Aka Bob...maybe you oughta think about making a run up to Auto Zone for some extra heavy duty shocks....I think the pickup truck crowd calls'em "Big Mamas."

Speed: 70% of light speed...Bud lite speed maybe...more like moped or skateboard.

One spec I do believe though.....the brewery. Yaw'll gonna need lots of beer when you wake up staring at that braided Amazon underarm hair..a whiff of two of that and you'll need a few buckets of cold Molson.

Jazmoora, while you guys are busy chatting i am having a great time! woohoooo look! i woke up from my hibernation and am back to MARS where i belong , btw look up and the dot you see on mars is me waving at you!! ttfn...

The bankrupt rumers were only a cover story to hide the black opps project they we were working on. It was a clever ruse to shrug off any and all intrest in our project.

The large mansions, week long partys, 5 star hotels and private staffs were all part of the show my dear Jaz. It was not easy living such a lifestyle but paul and I knew we we sacrificing for our fellow man.

The specs I gave you are right out of Janes Space Flight manual.

Jaz you are green with envy.............wait your always green...

FYI the amazons are on a stricted caloric intake program and exercise daily. "Big Mamas' as you call them are sent over to the freedom shuttle.....you might want to check your manifest.

Jaz give up your sheep buggering ways and we will take you back into the flock.

See comandeCommander Biff about your new Status.

Aka, I'm disappointed in you. It didn't happen, remember?

"WE DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN" is the theme of the day. As to misappropriation of funds, bancruptcy, scheming, late night bashes etc, they never happened either, remember?

Deny and Deny Son.

Remember What?

Good Man, glad to see your memory serves no-one.

Well done, onwards.

Do you find it strange that both Bre and Jaz have not responded in almost 3 days. When i drove by bre's place i noticed the 'freedom shuttel' was not in the drive.

Do you think they are visiting Jaz's family on his home world?

Or just some torrid romp around the solar system to indulge in hot alien coupling.

Quote:

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Do you find it strange that both Bre and Jaz have not responded in almost 3 days. When i drove by bre's place i noticed the 'freedom shuttel' was not in the drive

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Thanks to the efforts of twenty Private Investigators (all closely resembling Jim Rockford) the truth can now be revealed.

The horrific Thankgiving Day Shuttle Launch went ahead as heinously planned by "The J & B Association".

Upon launch thousands of innocent bystanders were killed by noxious fumes and spouts of high-temperature flame spewing uncontrollably from the exhausts of the LBII Shuttle.

A cloud of what can only be termed "fallout" still hangs over downtown Minneapolis today as Emergency crews attempt to clear up the mess. Damage is estimated at 24 billion dollars.

Several environmental groups plan protests in Washington, London and Paris with regard to this wanton callous destruction of the precious Earth. 3 Million people will attend.

Meanwhile a fast moving "meteor" has been seen heading in the direction of Pluto. All attempts at contact by NASA have failed.

In a related story, several Swiss bank accounts were closed Friday - all funds being withdrawn by the holders. Several orphanages are destitute as a result.

When called for comments, the owner's voice-mails stated "Jazz and Bre are outta town! Leave your chocolate at the door. Paternity suits will not be entertained". The mailboxes were full by the time this reporter called so no message could be left. FBI investigators are sifting over the mess....

Akashic, the truth can now be revealed. Horrific as it sounds, "Plan LBII" went ahead on schedule. Millions are now traumatised, angry and hurt. No apologies have been received from the repsonsible parties.

At a rough guess the "Jazz-Bre combo" may be back come next week. On the other hand they may not be back at all. Only time will tell.

You need to pray. Pray hard. This is indeed a dark hour for all of us, even more so for anyone who lives on Pluto.

I saw that snide hot alien coupling remark, Mr. know-it-all Hartford house boy. We left the doomed earth several hours ago, and as I speak, the ship is on auto-pilot, the bubbly is in the glass, and the filets are sizzlin on the space grill....

Right now I'm sitting here in my padded reclining Captain's chair having my tired aching alien muscles massaged by three scantily clad saucy mallwalker assistants and one blondish Queen...it's a rough life, but someone has to do it I suppose....so why not me?

I'm sure by now you have discovered the contaminated rocket fuel which was inadvertently pumped into your fuel tanks....you just can't find good help these days can you? Oh, almost forgot ... about those large brown sewer rats which someone released in the cargo bay of LB II....they bite.....

I know you two experienced space travelers will eventually get a handle on the rabid rat and dirty fuel problem. Fax me if you need any technical advice. Later...Jazzy.

More to the left...that's the spot, Tasha.....and how long were you married to this deer hunter guy? No thanks, Bre...too much bubbly makes Jazzy a bad little alien.

You can sure tell you spent ten years at the National Inquirer making up BS news stories, Emporer.....24 billion dollars in damages...uh-huh....24 dollars maybe. The entire state of Minnesota is probably only worth about 30 billion...nothing but a bunch of swampy lakes and some muddy manure packed dairy farms. Get a life and a real job. Maybe you can write sensational bogus headlines for all the left behinders.

Quote:

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The entire state of Minnesota is probably only worth about 30 billion...nothing but a bunch of swampy lakes and some muddy manure packed dairy farms.

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Bre, did you hear that Bre? Thjis is what your love-pumpkin thinks of your home state !! I told you he was not to be trusted, now didn't I?

Oh boy is the J-man in trouble when the B-lady gets back!!


This news brought to you by National Enquirer Shockmeister Industries

Jazmoor since you have given Bre a blood transfusion. Does this mean she will act differently towards me? Is Bre 100 percent alien now? What do you do with Bre's human blood jazmoor?

I liked the way we girls had fun dancing around the bon fire, drinking, dancing and sharing cookie recipes togther. Will there ever be a time that we get the chance to do this again?

I guess when the loveboatll launches into space, sooner or later we will hook up with you and then and only then I will see if bre will be the same happy go lucky party girl we all love.

roseruth

Troublemaker...rabble-rouser....instigator. Can you really trust a man who has pinko commie red venetian blinds in his house?

Blood transfusions are mostly private medical info. Starwoman...Bre's human blood is safely stored in my own private temp. controlled security vault...just in case there is a need for it along the way....as for any major changes in Bre's personality, I'll let you decide that when she is completely recovered and back to her...er...normal self. There may be some insignificant differences, but these are only temporary I assure you.

As you can plainly see, non-threatening aliens prefer a nice subdued natural green background color.

Ugh ! Now I feel distinctly sick. No wonder you like puce-green blinds, they are very appropriate.

What a hell-hole your shuttle must be if it includes that horrible colour in it's interior decor. Surely no-one in their right mind could board such a monstrosity....

The ceiling is green and so are the floors, doors, windows, sheets, pillows, plates, cups, bowls, forks, chairs, commodes, tubs, tables, underwear, and vibrators. Saucy mallwalkers like it that way...it reminds them of money and Saint Patricks day.

yeah and green beer and little green apples.

But God didn't make little green apples!!!!!!!!!!

Nor little green alien hybrids as they were invitro.

But he really did dear aka ... oh indeed he did.

Note you "loved one" has a bug in each ear composed entirely of yellow ear-wax (apparently it took years to build up).

Hey you ... I happened to do the decorating of the Freedom Shuttle myself, smartypants. It is tastfully decorated in soft pastels with light browns and tans. Its all very lovely

Then show me a picture - I wanna see a tasteful interior, not lime-green bubble seats and splats of paint everywhere - as is suggested by Jazzy's "face painting" techniques and "industrial nightmare' backgrounds...

Tell us it ain't so Bre....tell us it ain't so....

Well ok then ... I have a pic right here ... looking around in gallery ... jsut hang on a second ... hmmm, where did that pic go now? I took it just after we decorated the living quarters for Christmas ... it's soooo lovely ... hang on, still looking .....

OH ... there it is, lol. See, isn't it lovely ... We'll be very comfy doncha know.

That's no shuttle - it's a completely static living room. Not a hint of movement anywhere.

Besides no shuttle on earth could move that stone wall even one inch off the ground. It looks suspiciously like one of the sets from Capricorn One....you hoaxing us?

Capricorn 1? WELL ... I never

Well as corroborating proof, here is a picture of one of your stunt doubles arriving "on set" to set up the picture. Seems pretty conclusive to me.....

Hell, he even mugged for the camera.....

One of my stunt doubles? Did the little rascal actually tell you that? hehehehehehe ... I keep telling him to go somewhere else and live his fantasy but nooooooo.

I can tell you this Emperor ... he is not, I repeat ... NOT one of my doubles. I NEVER dress in fuzzy red suits from head to toe, not even at Christmas time.

OMG!!!! I saw a BUNCH of people in fuzzy red suits last night at my Christmas party!!! OOHHH our hospital is being run by ALIENS!!! Crap.. now I'm really in for it...

Tigger

Just remember Tigger when you hear the sound of parachutes descending....run...cause it ain't Father Christmas arriving....

Several members were taken to hospital with concussion after failing to do so in the last case of "Elmo's Mall Stunt Gone Wrong". Personally I blame Bre for that - she shoulda done her own stunts...... but she was "off set" having a coffee and a manicure while the small furry one did all the work.....shameful.

Yes, I was having my nails done ... they were such a mess BUT that was Elmo's own doing and not mine. I had absolutely no part in that.

Who exactly wants to know what kinds of people post in the Paranoia Files and why? Is there something wrong with posting here? Why is this thread here if people can't post things here? I don't understand. Why so many questions? I don't see people in other threads being interrogated about why they post there. It seems like we are being singled out and *PROFILED!!!* I will be filing an official complaint in the appropriate complaint department and will be expecting a reasonable responce soon. What kind of people indeed..Ha!

Well, obviously no normal person would dare post anything here that's for sure. The gate the gate, someone left the gate open again and the paranoid ones have escaped. Nothing happens in 2012. There are no Annunaki or aliens or ancient astronauts. There will be no Armageddon or apocalypse or disastrous global warming.

Like there are any normal people on Jupiter where you are from. Why even the weirdos in the Science and Technology and Faith and Philosophy forums are more normal than you, because they are earth humans.

You are not even human anymore.

Your Jupeterian ghskkdkVerboota.

The FoolMoon Paranoia Health Department will be conducting physical examinations and mental evaluations Wednesday from noon until 5 PM. Please be in my office with the necessary forms completed. This includes all species, including those individuals currently exhibiting grandiose conspiratorial tendencies and who wear green and or black plastic costumes or superhero type suits.

Apparently, the only people who post in the Paranoia Files are those mentally disturbed individuals who are NOT either a right-wing conservative or a left-wing liberal.

This thread is the best on paranoia.

Where is this planet "Anonymous", and what do it's inhabitants want? Are they here to mix with our species and drain us of our bodily fluids? Are they here to do away with politicians, and their parties? Do they wear Hanes underware, and wax their armpits? Or are they just here to steal our macaroni and cheese and take over all the radio stations so they can drive us mad by playing Garth Brooks songs twenty-four hours a day. Can Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones stop them? Or......are we doomed to starve to death while listening to Garth yodel about his friends in low places? Please, I can't live without macaroni and cheese...........and Garth Brooks.....my God, is there no justice?

It's on the far side of the universe many millions of light years from earth. It was only discovered this year by an amateur Australian astronomer who happened to be awake at an odd hour because he had consumed too much beer earlier that same night and was looking through the tele and there it was a faint glow in the pulsating luminous void. He recorded its location, but the next morning when his wife came to pick him up at the observatory, he was nowhere to be found. He is still missing.



Not Hanes, no. In fact these beings do not wear underwear or any other type of clothing. They are covered from head to toe with billions of tiny irridescent scales which constantly change color and intensity as the light and atmospheric conditions change. They do not have armpit hair, but there are strange gill-like orifices under each arm which resemble shark gills only smaller.



Oddly enough, the missing Australian astronomer was a Garth Brooks fan as well. It seems the name "Garth" is a favorite among UFO enthusiasts and many alien abductees name all their children Garth. Garth 1, Garth 2, and so on. Male and female.

Ah,the old "gills in the armpit" ploy. They probably have no sence of smell, and horrible sinus infections from years of breathing their own slimy sweat. That has probably distorted their hearing and, hense the preference for Garth tunes. I would imagine that they all think they have perfect pitch.... Do you know the definition of perfect pitch? ........It's when you throw a banjo, or accordion into a dumpster and it doesn't hit the sides on the way in!! No more "Lady of Spain", or "Duelin' Banjos"!! Now if there was only a way to filter out Garth, and a cure for people who are addicted to banjo "music". Maybe we could convince Delbert McClinton and Little Richard to do a telethon...

This sounds more like a badly done liposuction job one is never the same afterwards wether for better or for worse, be warned of those crazy Doctor's out there!

....... the subject is really hard to keep track of in this part of town. Do they still do liposuction? I heard that since used cooking oil was being used as a substitute for fuel, that lipo had dropped in popularity. Hmmm, I guess Rosie O'Donnell will have to go back into hiding.

Sorry I haven't been posting on a more regular basis, Randy, but I had hand surgery on my left hand and it was hard typing with just one hand. It was all caused by some dirty rotten anarchist thug who managed to sneak into my house and replace the Elixer strings on my Taylor guitar with cheap exploding ones made in Mexico which nearly took off all the callouses of my index and ring chording fingers.

Yes it hurts but the NWO Co-op Government-funded doctor gave me a lifetime prescription for Oxycontin and Lortabs, so I'm feeling pretty mellow right now and am actually typing this with my toes while my (nude) secretary is giving me a Swedish massage with lots of imported massage oil from the Andalusia region of Spain. How many anarchists get tax exempt government massages and unlimited pain pills? Not many I bet. Later on today I'm getting some hand trauma counselling and a nail wax job which is also covered by my Co-op.

Now, I ask you in all truthfulness, Randy...would you rather be laid back cooling it with us NWO guys or would you rather be scrubbing around on a cheap dirty mattress with some home-schooled bubblegummer and eating outdated MRE's or homemade squirrel stew and drinking Grape Kool Aid laced with poison every time a Government rental car drives by? These are the kinds of things the anarchists don't want you to think about while they are trying to brainwash you with all that secessionist gun-grabbing grandma-killing anti-Obama bullshit.

Yeah Wake, you gotta watch those exploding Mexican strings. I bet Carlos Santana has a hell of a time. Probably wears kevlar gloves..... and a cup just to be on the safe side. I've had occasion to use those strings myself, in hard economic times. I've found that if you boil them in WD40 and then soak them in A-1 for a day or two, they are useable as long as you don't try to bend em too far. They tend to get brittle, and after a day or two, it feels like your axe is strung with rusty barbed wire.
I don't play that much acoustic any more, since I have twenty-seven electrics. I was deprived as a child. Taylor does have some nice solid body guitars tho. I may have to add one of those to my herd.
Now about this secretary and the massage, be very careful. Especially if you're bare footed and have oily feet. Very bad for traction.......and she's naked huh? I don't suppose you would consider photos.......... No, might stir up the anarchists.
And, actually I have to some extent become a creature of comfort......and I never was able to wrap my mind around squirrel stew. Everything my ex cooked turned out kind of like rodent casserole. Maybe this New World Order thing ain't such a bad deal.
I'm keeping my guns and explosives tho. And, I don't hold with politicians from any party. Maybe it's time we tried government by the people for a change......Bring back public hangings, the military draft, blood tests before marriage, spanking (in schools and at home), rear wheel drive cars, real rock and roll, analog TV, required school kids to learn the multiplication tables and long division instead of using calculators, made texting illegal, stopped over charging by doctors and lawyers, and made the "golden rule" the law of the land. There's more, but I had to stop to take a breath.