I see Tarzan is doing those infomercials for the wine industry there in Spain. That doesn't exactly go along with his image as a health-minded all natural exotic jungle food man does it? He still looks good for his age though. Btw, what's his golf game like these days.

Recently I went to the bookstore and asked about your book "Hey Dude Who Stole My Tuna Fish on Rye Sandwich?" and I was told they had never heard of it. So what's the deal, Conspiracy Man? They checked Amazon dot com and several other bigtime booksellers, and nada-nothing-zilch-zero. You did write this book, right? Well?

Tarzan wrote a book once and so did Jane. Jane's is out of print now, and there are dozens of books out there about Tarzan by this Edgar Rice Burroughs guy, not to mention several movies. I can't seem to find any Conspiracy Man movies either. What's the deal on that? Something is fishy and it's not the tuna, pal.

The ski instructor is no longer in the picture with Jane. I think she plans on getting back together with Tarzan. She may be holding out for some type of pre-nupti agreement. She does not want to live in Spain though. France maybe. A farming village close to the sea.

I read somewhere that Tarzan is seriously considering leaving Spain and moving to a country where the economy is better. The Chinese have been talking with his agent, and rumor has it that they made him a very lucrative offer to live in China and co-star in a series of jungle adventure movies featuring a much younger Chinese Tarzan figure named "Number 1 Son". Instead of monkeys like Cheetah, there will be a Panda named "Ling Lang."