As of yesterday, no. Thanks to a recent government study done by the Department of Homeland Security, all the scientific evidence points to the conclusion that silver foil underwear will not protect humans from the possible negative side effects of the CERN particle collider currently in operation across the Atlantic. As Americans, we must trust in and depend upon our government to protect us from these pernicious EU interlopers.

The good news is, all the latest evidence points to Polysorbate 80 (polyoxyethylene sorbitan monooleate) aka "Tween", an amber-colored viscous liquid which has a slightly bitter taste, which is commonly used as an emulsifier in food, cosmetics, medicines, vitamins, and some vaccines. Emulsifiers help bind things together and thus prevents them from seperating. Polysorbate 80 also acts a surfactant thereby reducing the surface tension of a liquid. It also may be used to treat common baldness in men and women.

How do I get my hands on some of this Polysorbate you may be asking about now? Easy. Simply get a flu shot which has just enough Polysorbate 80 to protect you for 1 year, or until its time for next year's flu shot. Simple really. So let those mad EU scientist monkey around with their silly particle collider all they want. As long as there is a copious amount of Polysorbate 80 circulating in your bloodstream and being stored in your liver and pancreas, you are safe and cozy as a fat little church mouse.

Polysorbate can cause the blood-brain barrier to become porous which means unwanted chemicals and other nasty things like viruses end up in our brains. Do not take flu shots or consume food products which contain Polysorbate 80. Cheese, especially so-called all-natural cheese contains huge amounts of Polysorbate. Eat Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and Ho-Ho's snack cakes instead. These products contain no Polysorbates, and they are delicious.