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#286966 - 11/09/08 03:54 PM
Nov 9, 2008
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Untrue News Editor
Registered: 12/14/05
Loc: Somewhere Out There
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McGuffin's Untrue News.
Nov 9, 2008
"If we say it's Untrue, there's no way you can sue."
READ MY BRIEFS
- SARAH PALIN THINKS AFRICA IS A COUNTRY. But knows penguins come from Australia.
- McCAIN CAMPAIGN SPENT $12,000 ON DEPENDS. Staffers won't say for who.
- GEORGE AND LAURA BUSH WILL RETURN TO CRAWFORD. Until he can finally sell that damn ranch and stop pretending to be a cowboy.
EDUCATION
SWITCH FROM DAYLIGHT TIME TO STANDARD TIME BAFFLES STUDENTS.
by Kiamesha Lake
"Is it 'spring forward and fall back?' or the other way around? Because you know, it could go the other way too." said Faith Kaiser of Duluth, a sophomore at Michigan State University, speaking about the resetting of the clocks that occurs in the United States twice a year.
"Twice a year! who can remember something like that? It's confusing, and frankly a bit frustrating." said Ms. Kaiser, who is 19. "I mean is it my eight o'clock class or my nine o'clock that I'll be late for? It's like when they change the time of tv shows. Why do they purposely try to make things difficult for us?"
Other students confess to feeling the same way. "It completely fucked up my automatic coffee maker" said Jay Gerber, a senior at Brockport (NY} State College. "All of a sudden it's eight o'clock and I'm smelling coffee. I say to myself 'what the hell?' "
"I totally forgot to set my car clock back" said Amy Preister, a Boston College junior. "What a mess. My house clock says four, my car clock says five, I thought I was going crazy."
Stupid students looked forward to the change "as a way of adding an hour to your life" but most were baffled. "There must be some way of changing the number on my digital clock, but I'll be damned if I can find it." said Les Brewster, a student at Dartmouth.
About eighty five percent of students interviewed complained that the time change was difficult to remember and inconvenient.
Ms. Kaiser later confessed it didn't matter which class she missed, since she usually slept through her early classes anyway. "But changing the time? That's really asking too much." She is majoring in politics and government.
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If you call within ten minutes of viewing this ad, we'll include absolutely free a deluxe pocket comb. (Just pay shipping and processing.) Michelle Obama and the children are not included. You can buy a "family adaptor" for only $29.95 plus $79.99 shipping
GOV PALIN WILL APPEAR AT ANNUAL ALASKAN RELIGIOUS HUNTING FESTIVAL
by Finian Feinsein
The Skin and Dress A Moose for Christ Festival will be held in Ketchikan this year. A record turnout is expected. Participants kill as many moose as they can in 24 hours, clean and dress the animals, sell the meat to restaurants and canners, and offer the entrails as a sacrifice to Christ.
"I think Our Lord is pretty happy that we think about him and honor him in this way" said Tim Kegan, a longtime Ketchikan resident and festival participant. "Last year I was able to contribute about 200 pounds of moose offal to the sacrifice."
Former Vice-Presidential candidate and current Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Tod are expected to attend.
"We honor Jesus whenever and wherever and however we can" said Gov. Palin. "That's what this moose hunt is all about."
YOU CAN SKIP THIS PART
Publisher: Fool Moon LLC
Editor in Chief: Mark McGuffin
Art direction and layout: Do you see any art direction or layout here?
Contributing editors: Shirley McGuffin, Melanie Meineke, Finian Feinstein, Fats Abruzzo, Richard Millicent Mile, Avon Proctor, Jean Salt, George S. Prohegan, Dr. Mel E. Levine, Kiamesha Lake, Ken Pofter, Janet Arapico
Costumes: Jamie Mondrian
Subscriptions: Nell Kutulabendalakshmanen-Rose
Not that interested in pig iron: Lisa A. Axlerod
Choreographer: Sheridan "Sherry" Lalouette
Counsel: Faulk-Mehan-Diaz of New York
Circulation. Arthur Crowne, MD.
McGuffin's The Untrue News is Copyright 2008 by Fool Moon LLC.
Compilation Copyright 1997-2008 by Fool Moon LLC. All rights reserved.
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