McGuffin's Untrue News.
Sept 17 - 23, 2008"If we say it's Untrue, there's no way you can sue." A MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR:
As you know, I was not permitted anywhere near a computer for 10 months, in accordance with what I consider to be a highly unfair court order. In addition, I was not allowed within 200 feet of any public swimming pool. I am happy to report that McGuffin's Untrue News (hereinafter referred to as McGuffin's Untrue News) is back, and my debt to society is paid (although I still owe Mrs. Nevins $35,000). We're happy to welcome ourselves back!
--Mark McGuffin READ MY BRIEFS
SOUTH KOREANS PROTEST IMPORT OF AMERICAN BEEF. US retaliates, banning kim chee, dog stew.
PETRIFIED TOMATO FOUND IN WISCONSIN. Although some experts say it's just a round red rock.
SPRINT, VERIZON AND TIME-WARNER AGREE TO BLOCK ACCESS TO INTERNET WEB SITES OFFERING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. Users flock to Comcast.
SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED ON CHARGES OF FAILING TO REPORT HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF GIFTED HOME IMPROVEMENTS. Tearful Senator says his legal bills will force him to sell his house.Inside:
LIEBERMAN VOTED REPUBLICAN OF THE YEAR.
- Is Sarah Palin Human (p.4)
- Survey: 44% of college students think the Monroe Doctrine had something to do with President Kennedy. (p.14)
- Dick Cheney refuses to pay income tax, cites "executive privilege." (p.22)
Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) has been voted Republican of the Year by the Republican National Committee. Speaking at a five million dollar a plate fund raiser for John McCain, Republican National Chairman Mike Duncan said Lieberman represented "all that is best about the Republican party, and by extension, America." Following the dinner, Lieberman was awarded the Rush Limbaugh Medal for Patriotism.FACE OF JESUS FOUND IN GRUENWALD PAINTING.
by Finnian Feinstein
Art scholars and collectors are bewildered as to the intent of painter Matthias Gruenwald (1480-1528) in his altar piece entitled "The Resurrection."
Cleveland art dealer Richard Wolfstein told Untrue News "I was studying a print of it one day, and I looked at the figure on the cross, and I was absolutely amazed! It appears to be, for all intents and purposes, the face of Jesus."
Other scholars who have since studied the piece have agreed. Art historian James O'Bannon is one. "We don't know why Gruenwald chose to put the face of Jesus on the figure of the man on the cross." he recently told a reporter. "Our best guess is that Gruenwald was attempting to convey some religious symbolism."
Other faces of Jesus found on tacos, fish sticks, ice cream bars and frozen canneloni are epehmeral, say students of the phenomena, but the one on the Gruenwald altar piece appears to have withstood the test of time, unlike the other items, which were either eaten or thrown away.
Most visitors who see the work agree that it does appear to be the face of Jesus, but some are skeptical. Rotterdam University art student Lars Wittenberg spoke angrily about it, but his comments were in Dutch, which nobody understood.
Gruenwald scholars hope to be in touch with the Vatican soon to authenticate the face. If found to be genuine, the Vatican hopes to send the piece out for display along with the shroud of Turin. Vatican spokesman Bishop Anthony Verinno said "People will flock to see these holy items. It should be a huge moneymaker for everyone."YOU ARE READING McGUFFIN'S UNTRUE NEWS
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Editor in Chief: Mark McGuffin
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Contributing editors: Shirley McGuffin, Melanie Meineke, Finian Feinstein, Fats Abruzzo, Richard Millicent Mile, Avon Proctor, Jean Salt, George S. Prohegan, Dr. Mel E. Levine, Kiamesha Lake, Ken Pofter, Janet Arapico
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