Don't know, no, no, don't know, no, don't know, yes, I'm not a doctor, no, no, no.

Hope this helps.

Since there are no longer any aliens here in the Paranoia Files, then there is no longer any need for silver foil hats or other silver foil protective gear such as silver foil-lined mini-brief panties for women, and that includes silver thread woven socks, silver nail polish, silver shampoo, silver toothpaste, silver fillings, silver ear plugs, and silver tongue depressors. Oh, and I forgot about silver cigarette holders for those who smoke MK-Ultra cigarettes.

All this foolishness and idle talk about silver foil hats is all a bunch of malarkey. Hell, aliens ain't afraid of silver no more than they are copper or zinc or brass or titanium alloy for crying out loud. And what kind of woman wears silver panties? Ha! I never seen one wearin'em in all my years of looking neither.

Genuine Duck Tape made right here in Putney Vermont can help you control your anger, Anonymous. It really can. We tested it with mental patients in a study done back in 1992. Just tape everything in sight, furniture, dishes, silverware, your pets, books, the windows and doors in your home. Duck-taping is very therapeutic, and it's a lot less expensive than a psychiatrist.

Btw, I will be retiring at the end of this week, so from now on I will just be plain ole Milton Perkins like I was back almost 40 years ago. I guess I'll be changing my name from Mr. Duck Tape to Milton Perkins Jr. Yaw'll can call me Milton or Milty...or Milt. Won't that be special? I reckon this will be a new adventure for me. Life without Duck Tape. Sounds pretty scary. Be seeing you around probably.

Now where am I supposed to go when my ducks need taping?

Do they make silver thongs?

Yes, and gold ones and copper as well, but silver is normally what paranoid delusional females wear because they have erroneously been informed by those with an agenda that somehow silver thongs, like silver hats, silver helmets, silver earplugs, etc., offers some form of personal protection from highly invasive brain waves which are generated by aliens. Nothing could be further from the truth. Silver offers little or no protection from such mind waves.

And anyway, how could a silver thong protect one's brain from such phenomena, unless of course their brain was between their legs? Providing of course you meant THAT kind of thong as opposed to the shoe kind, which offers no mind wave protection either since it is worn on the feet. I hope this helps. As always, I can be trusted. Too bad about your friend WakeHolden dying like that.

Hi I'm Faith and I'm allergic to silver foil!

Non-ferrous metal allergies are quite common in certain segments of the population. I assume it is caused by long term exposure to heavy metals and other such substances commonly found in heavily polluted places like Northwest Arkansas, which, as you know, is the incestral homeland to the foul-smelling poultry industry which uses all types of silver in their processing plants and chicken houses. The average chicken house literally oozes leached silver and nitrates.

My advice to you is to sell everything you own except your car and a few clothes and personal effects and move up to the CoEA (Church of Enlightened Assumption) which is headquartered in scenic Trelona, Wyoming. Hundreds of people have done so already, including many right here at Fool Moon. You will be taken in and cared for and enlightened by the semi-divine light of Inner Tranquility. No more waking up and going to work at a job you hate, no more worrying about your mortgage payments or your retirement income...the CoEA takes care of all your needs.

I don't know what your circumstances are,, but whatever they are, you can rest assured that you will be in good hands up there in wonderful Wyoming. I know because I just spent two glorious months there being taken in and having my innermost being immersed in the light. My recent near death experience made me realize how fragile life is and how little time there is. Your soulmates at the CoEA are waiting. Don't disappoint us again, Faith.

WakeHolden Thanks But No Thanks! I am completely happy to stay here in Northwest Arkansas and suffer with everyone else. It is too difficult living at the Church of Enlightened Assumption especially since being on my own for many years. Although, I did visit the CoEA fairly often however visiting with and living at are two completely different things. Just like visiting someone in prison is different than being in a prison. Therefore, after giving it much careful thought, I must decline your offer. Thank you for your time and effort. I wish you and the Church of Enlightened Assumption well.