Marital Counseling

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

The Negligee

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500-- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Once upstairs, the wife thinks, I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well not be there. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked. I'll return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500 , they'd at least iron it!

He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at noon. Closed casket.

I've really missed this thread so I'm going to try reviving it with this contribution to all the horse lovers here at FoolMoon (just in case you all haven't seen this old video). Check it out at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teHfyby_veU

I loved it, Shedoni. Those two old guys and their pony, Patches, were having a lot of fun.

I just wish my dogs were that trainable!

*With the new school term approaching---*

The five-year old students are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,

'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'

Teacher took a deep breath, then asked...'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!'



And so it does...

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

If evolution is true, why do mothers still have only two hands ?

Mothers at times have more than two hands--they go along with the eyes at the back of their heads.

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.
She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asks.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offers. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.

I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,

‘Leave her alone now or you’ll answer to me.’”

St. Peter was impressed.

“When did this happen?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”