Bah! Mel Gibson couldn't sell a movie to a... well... someone who was desperately seeking to buy a, uhm, movie...

Look, if you want to make some campy movie about some guy being whipped half to death and hung up on a board to save the world from having to eat kosher meals or something, well, I still wouldn't pick him. But if you really want to make some money with this movie idea of yours, I'm your man! Don't even think otherwise! I know exactly what sells a movie, and if you want to know too, just check out Cinemax on Friday night around 3 a.m. I've worked with the biggest names in the biz, and I can make you a big name too!

My company (Joblo's Pics, Flicks, and Discount Cigarettes) has been responsible for some of the highest grossing movies on late night cable! Our movies include big name fare like-- Naked Amazons in the Jungle of Doom, Body Privates 2: Out for Justice, Bikini Law Firm, Body Justice 3: Out for Privates and of course our highest grossing film ever starring the lovely Shannon Tweed, Nightboob 2: Hard Desires.

I love this whole Sci-Fi psychic cat vibe too. It'll be like The Matrix but with cats and Shannon Whirry and Tanya Roberts.

Call me!

I don't want to burst your bubble, Migo or Cat man, but cats are not allowed to be superheroes because they have fleas. No superhero in the entire history of superheroes has ever had fleas. Fleas are unsanitary, and since I am the official FoolMoon health nurse, I must insist that absolutely no cats of any description be allowed to function as a superhero. What kind of message does that send to our young people? No, it will not be tolerated. Don't make me call Homeland Security.

Tarnation boy! What's all this crazy talk about some stupid cat being a hero? Are all the kids in Norway hung up on wacko psycho cats like you are? Why, when I was a youngster cats stayed down at the barn with the other farm animals and caught mice and behaved like real cats. Now you're telling me you allow the nasty critters to come inside and sleep on the couch? Huh! If that don't beat all. A talking Norwegian cat that thinks it's some kinda big shot.

Uhm... I want to tell you... what Migo did, may just be illegal, but let me tell you: What he did, I am forever grateful of.
If he hadn't, I would probably have gone mad and kill myself.
Really.
Now, neither me or Migo has ever called ourselves "superheroes". There's no such thing as someone being bitten by a radioactive cat, then suddenly, he can catch mice like a master... with claws...
At least that I know of...
No, no, what makes me able to do what I can, is knowledge ONLY.
Knowledge of how the brain works, and how it can be tweaked, makes me able to be a hell of allot stronger than I should be, along with being able to jump rather far distances... longest one of mine, without any runningspeed, was 10 meters. Still standing!

Now, all cats know this. Or, atleast those of importance to their community. Sure, there ARE evil cats... and really, I am NOT allowed to talk about this... but those who are evil, are just like the US government.
The cats got their own government... and they are in contact with the US's government too... The leader of the cats... he's not a very nice one. He has yet to actually start a war against humans, but I think he might do so once... maybe even soon. His armies consist of humanoid cats... with armor and guns. Not someone you'd like to meet, I tell ya.
Now, most cats living outside of their community... and even most that lives inside it too, hate it. THESE are the cats that I "work for". Heck, their leader has to accept all that gets to know their secrets... he even accepted me. What my original purpose is, according to him, is to protect cats.
And that, I do... but along with that, I save human lives. Not something their leader likes at all, but he can't stop me... and he won't.
I'd NEVER take his side, and neither would the cats around him... but he has armies...

Now, a cat, as you may know, does NOT own hands. Therefore, he cannot actually hold a gun... not that he'd need it anyway.
See, Migo killed that man.
That man, was shooting random people on the street. Migo wanted to interfere, but as his "leader" told him to, he didn't. Why? Because the leader, who me and Migo call "Cat King" for jokes, would simply kill him for it. Then, when Migo noticed the girl, who I REALLY like, he stepped in. She was about to get shot by a machine gun. Shot into pieces... he wouldn't allow this, so he fought the man. Not with "Cat fu", but he DID fight him... He supposedly ran and jumped into the man, knocking him over and kicked him in his face. He looked like he was down for count, so Migo was about to let him go. The police was just around the corner too. Migo starts to walk away, but then, the man suddenly shoots at him. He then jumps at him and rips his head off with a well-placed kick.

Or that's what he told me, anyways. As you know, I wasn't there at the time.
He couldn't have made the man just shoot imself with mind-powers, cause he can't do that. He can only take control over someone who knows how the brain works... and the controlled HAS to accept... unless it will be impossible.

Most cats have the power to do what Migo did, but because they would get killed, or thrown to jail doing so, they don't.
Migo was arrested and brought to trial. I, acted as his defense attorney, and I saved him... how? I told the judge that if he hadn't saved that girl, I wouldn't be able to do my job... which is to be a "Cat-Man". I would have gone mad and killed myself.
Because of this, the judge let Migo go.

I could get arrested too, doing this... or, atleast they could have a REASON to do so... but I don't care if I'm wanted now... not when they need me to save the world anyway.
The cats got their own country, called "Salow Cut". I won't tell yuo where it is, but it is a large island. The cities (two) are underground, so they can't be found by just looking at them.
This is where their leader are at the moment.
He needs to die. He really does.
I believe you, "World HQ" guy, should know where this place is...
but let me tell you... you'd hate it... how it has become...
their leader sucks... big time... you need to get someone to assassinate him... I can't... it would kinda be against my oath...
Please!

And world guy... are there really super heroes? I'd like to meet some of them... I mean, my job are pretty similar to theirs...
Hey, maybe I could even become a real one... like Spider-Man... if he's even real...
I'd love to join some "team" or something.
Is this possible?
I mean, I think you could need me... my "powers", even though they aren't powers, as in superpowers, are more powerful than anything else. With my knowledge, I can do ANYTHING.
The knowledge I've got, is rather simple:
It's tricking your brain into, for example, making it believe you're stronger than you are. I'm still in training though, so usually, logic stops me, if I try to fly, for example.
I can fly when I finish training, but that isn't too close yet.
I can't tell you HOW to be able to use this knowledge... and it's a rather hard process, but helpful, nonetheless.


Now, once again, World HQ guys... you said that it's a violation what Migo did... and as I've explained, yes, it was.
But, if you've been at your job a long time, you should probably have remembered this... heck, you should have remembered my name and what I do, even. Or are you just not allowed to talk about it?
Hey, you know... thinking about it, me killing Edgar (who's their leader) wouldn't interfere with my oath, cause he IS a danger to the cats... but I can't do anything big like killing him, because ... tat'd be like some of Bush's men killing him, without being told to do so... hint hint... xD
I'd like to talk to you personally too... will ye PM me? Please?
World HQ guy, that is.

Thank you... and cats, again, are not evil... not the ones that are on my side.

Well, well, well...so you want to be a superhero, young fella? Hmmmmmmm....you and about a million other youngsters just like you I reckon. There's a stack of requests on my desk here at World Headquarters at least a foot high, and I've only looked at the first dozen or two and they were not even remotely qualified to be a SH First Class.

It's a really big responsibility being a superhero and all, and then well there's the question of your country of origin and your age. You see, there has never been a Norwegian superhero before. No sir. I can't name one Norwegian who made it to the top of superherodom, and there aren't many superheroes under the age of 18.

However, I do have the authority under Article 21, sections 3b, paragraph 13 to make an exception IF, and this is a really big IF, I determine that the aforementioned individual exhibits exceptional courage, intelligence, and imagination under pressure. Then he or she may be seriously considered for the superhero position. But first, I must ask a few eligibility and motivational questions.

1. Have you ever smoked marijuana with a cat, and if so did either you or the cat inhale?

2. If you were called to a house fire, who would you rescue first, the people or the cats?

3. This so-called "cat army" you mentioned in your post...is there also a cat navy, a cat air force, and cat marines by chance?

4. Who is the current president of this cat country island of Salow Cut, and have you sworn allegiance to him and his regime?

More of these type questions will be posted at a later date. Please answer them to the best of your ability. A file is being created and all your personal information is now being placed into that file. My decision will be made based on this information and research done by the investigative team here at World Headquarters. Thank you Migo Robin Hoyland aka Cat Man. I am THE World Headquarters Man and this post is originating directly from World Headquarters.

Wow! This is cool! Now, considering some of the answers these questions will show, I'm forced to PM you.

Your PM has been received and security is processing it now. It will be screened and checked for viruses and other malodorous attachments. I am after all THE World Headquarters Man, and as you may or may not know, I must take all the necessary precautions for someone who is in my world class administrative and decision-making position. All incoming PM's, e-mails, faxes, phone calls, etc. must be thoroughly screened. I will respond to your inquiry in due time.

Meanwhile, I suggest that you conduct yourself according to rules of conduct found in the ancient code of superhero protocol, aka "The Merlinian Pathway" which will be explained to you in a subsequent PM. Yes, there are many heroes in the world, and all are legitimate licensed superheroes with a mission or missions to perform. The bigger the superhero, the higher the mission priority number. The top ten supers only get numbers 1, 2, and 3 mission numbers.

Btw, after carefully checking the rules pertaining to the creation of a new untested Norwegian superhero, I discovered that only the owners of pedigreed Norwegian Forest Cats can apply for superhero status. But not just any NFC will do. It must be grey in color and descended from cats belonging to Freya, the Norse God of love. These are the rules. I'm sorry. I do not make THE rules of THE World, I only enforce them.

Grey... I... Kalle... he was, and is grey... when I say was, I mean, before he died. His reincarnation, who is living in the very house is also grey. He is also a "NFC" as you call it... I see no problems here... but... may I ask... why is this?

And... if I where to continiue practicing what I'm doing now... would it be illegal? Would I get some guys after me?
And still... I would like to meet someone... like me... who does the same as me... is this still possible?

At World Headquarters we see things and know things that the average person on the street is not aware of, and this includes seeing possible problems existing where none are obvious....like reincarnated cats for example...a definite problem when it comes to granting superhero status to someone. You see, a reincarnated cat may not be an actual cat, but some other animal who has simply shape-shifted into cat form. Suppose your cat is in reality a hippopotamus or a crocodile or a spotted hyena or something much worse?

None of those offensive creatures can be granted superhero status. Therefore your cat must be examined by our team of World Headquarters Cat Inspectors which will be arriving at your front door very soon. Please have the cat in question ready for their inspection along with it's veterinary records, a sample fur ball, and a complete and accurate list of its major kills, including but not limited to mice, gophers, toads, salamanders, lizards, and large crickets.

As I mentioned in my recent PM, you are seriously being considered for the position of Superhero, more specifically the first Norwegian Superhero, but this honor cannot be bestowed upon you until we have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that your cat is NOT a reincarnated creature. Reicarnation errors cannot and will not be tolerated. Do not despair. As always I am THE World headquarters Man who is in charge of The World, which includes Norway.

Anything is possible here at THE World Headquarters. There seems to be a slight problem among some of the council members concerning the issue of your cat possibly being a reincarnated creature. Personally, I am willing to issue a waiver in the matter considering the fact that you have already proven yourself by eliminating 30 of the enemy, but there are some in the council who are more conservative about such things and are not as willing to bend the rules as I am.

As for meeting other Superheroes, well...I'm afraid that is not allowed until the issue of the reincarnated cat in question has been adequately resolved. You see, Superheroes are by nature a very sensitive lot, and to allow you to fraternize with other Superheroes when there is even the slightest issue of elegibility hanging over your head...well, I hope you see my point.

Until the issue has been resolved I suggest that you engage in some type of creative stress-reduction activity like drawing, finger painting, ceramics, or maybe orgami. These type things have a way of working themselves out eventually. Do not despair. There are much worse things than NOT being a Superhero...although....I can't seem to think of one right now. I am as always THE World Headquarters Man who is firmly in charge of THE World.