Hello!
My real name is Robin. I live in Norway, right outside the main capital, Oslo, with my cat Migo and Kalle.
Why do I call myself Cat-Man? I'll get to that later in this post.

First off, I want to say that when I was a young boy (I'm 17 now, so I'm still young, but you know what I mean) I got a message. From who? I'd like to believe that it was God who showed himself telling me this.
When I say god, I don't think of him as a guy sitting in his throne in the sky. I think of god as "the universe". Nothing special about it, but it's "alive" to a certain extent.
Anyways, the message came to me when I was biking towards my friends house quite late at night.
A big blue light came flowing out from the woods. When it hit me, I was knocked of my bike. The light covered the entire area. I picked up my bike and biked as fast as I could away. I was scared. But after this, I've felt that I've got an assignment. When that blue light hit me, I got a message telling me that I'm important to the plan of the universe.

I don't have many people that believes me on this, but I've got one:
My cat, Migo. I used to have my other cat too, Kalle, but he died. I later got a new cat, which I believe to have the same sole as Kalle, so he got the name too.
But anyways, I know you guys are more or less scared of cats. I know they can be scary, but let me tell you this: They're not harmful.
Sure, I can believe that some of them is acting like dolls for the aliens, but really, there are some that aren't.

This is where "Cat-Man" comes into the story.
See, I get a very unusual connection to cats. I mean, spiritual connection.
I swear, Migo isn't acting like a camera for the aliens. I know this, cause I can connect to him like no one else can. same goes for alot of cats... I can connect to almost any cat. I can instantly make them listen to me, even if I've never met them before.
But there are some, that won't allow me to connect to them.
When I connect to a cat, I get their feelings, thoughts and everything else... even visible things, like gender. There's a few cats that don't let me connect like this.
Just like when you try to connect a web cam to your computer, but when it doesn't have the drivers, it won't work.
I get this, when I try to connect with the "new" Kalle.

He's almost never home, and when he is, all he does is eat, then he rushes back out. Migo, on the other side, is home at almost all times, protecting me from something I don't know yet.
He's my protection. And what I find particularly scary, is that Migo and Kalle always fight. Or, not always, but Migo and Kalle both gets very uncomfortable being around each other.
I feel that Migo's trying to protect me from him. I'm not scared of Kalle. Just worried. I don't want him to be in touch with my possible enemy. Is there a way I can stop this, maybe?

Anyways, I've learned a lot from cats. Thins that I never thought was humanly possible.
By learning from certain cats, I'm now able to lift a car over my head. Seriously, I can do that. I can also jump rather long distances.
Apart from that, I'm also very acrobatic and I fight well.
How?
Well, that will remain a secret between me and the cats.

After reading some topics on your forum, I believe I might be the Savior.

As far as I can tell, I've never met any alien face to face. I've seen things that might be something, but I can't be sure.
If this is my mission, to save the planet from alien scum, I will accept it. But I'll need some help doing it.

I need to know how these things work. What are they? Are they skilled in fighting? Do they use weapons? And so on.
I'll also need to have people on my side, when the time comes.

See, I've also heard that they're coming. In great numbers.
To invade us! Why? Because we aren't doing what they want.
This will sound silly, but I know that we where placed here by them a long time ago... we where cloned from them, and placed here to do tasks for them, like digging gold, and preparing the planet for them, so they could live here. We, as you can see, didn't do as we where told, and made it on our own.
They're coming back soon. To take back "their" planet.
Where, or from who, did I hear this? Cats.
The cats really know more than you know. If there's anyone that can really help us on this, it's them.

They've also told me that there are more alien races out there, bent on helping races in need. Like us.
They have not only tried to contact out government, but also our animals, that are capable of receiving mind waves. Like cats.

Now, I think we might be able to get help from them. I've been told that they're ready to help us, once we ask for it.
I don't know if it was them who made that light years ago, making me realize my destiny.
I promise you that I'll do my very best to stop these foul and greedy beasts from destroying us. It might get messy, but we HAVE to stop them.

But now, I'll need help.
I'll need information on these aliens. All the info you can get.
Does anyone have pictures?
Cause, I do... maybe.
See, some time ago, I suddenly got the urge to draw aliens.
I asked Migo what he'd think they looks like. He told me that I have the ability of looking into the future. Or, kind of. He told me just to let my hand draw, and not my eyes. And I did. And what I got, was remarkable. Maybe this is it?
I have no idea. It COULD just be something I drawed... but I want to get this confirmed: If you've seen one of them, did it look somewhat like this:









Also... I've noticed one thing. I don't know if you know of it, but in Norway, we have these bugs that sticks onto animals and humans, drinking blood for a longer period of time. They grow bigger and bigger over time... they can sit on a cat for weeks, even. Waht do you call them?
Anyways, I've noticed that Kalle, after being out, he ALWAYS has one of em on... while Migo, on the other hand, NEVER has any... last night, I saw one TRYING to crawl between his hairs and into his skin, but it was shunned. Like there was some kind of shield protecting the cat. He just coudn't bite. He soon gave up and I stepped on it. I've never seen this happen before.

Anyways, my main thing is:
I may be your hero. Me, and my cat, Migo.
I will need help, but together we will defeat this darkness threatening us. We will win eventually.

And here's a picture of Migo... your Saviour:



And no, he wasn't hiding. Believe it or not, me and him was playing hide and seek... so in one way, he was hiding. But not as in "Ima gonna spy on ye all humanz!"

thank you for reading!
I hope to get some help and feedback on this!

Robin and Migo.

PS: Any questions? To me OR Migo? Or maybe Kalle? I CAN talk to him, but he usually ignores me, or runs off when I try to contact him.
Feel free to ask. I'll do my best to answer! I'm sure Migo will to.
Thanks!

Tell Migo and Kalle, Pywakit says MEOWWWW!

Thanks to the efforts of my organization PAPP, there are no longer any benign humanoid aliens threatening earth.

However your blue light experience and association with God makes me think you might be interested in the Church of Enlightened Assumption.

Although I have not yet completed my investigation of the Church, I feel at this point it is safe to say they have, if I may state it in such explicit terms, found the key to the universe.

While I am not permitted to give the URL here, I'm sure a quick search for the Church on any search engine will find it for you.

May you and your feline familiars have peace, joy and bliss.

Hey Robin.

That sounds really crazy! However, you may have given me a movie idea. I'll see what I can develop and get back to you. Naturally, you would share in the creative money if anything came of the project.

All the best,

Mel

Hey! Thanks for the replies!
Now, Hyman, I can understand that. I mean, who am I to say that there aren't any aliens left on our planet at the moment?
All I know, I hear from my feline friends. And they don't lie.. but a little too often, they keep their mouth shut.
It's very rare that I discuss these kind of things with Migo, cause I usually hear stuff about aliens from other cats, but today I've been talking to him about this.

What I heard, was that there are some creatures that are readying themselves for an invasion right now. Though, they've been doing that or the last few years, they are almost ready.
I don't know if these are the same as the ones you are talking about, but I do know that I've never had a cat lying to me. It has kept the truth away from me at times, but they've NEVER lied. EVER.
So read this as a warning: They are coming.

I feel that the cats really have importance in our future.
I've also heard rumors of a secret society of cats. And, hey, maybe we, the humans, aren't really the rulers of Earth? Have you ever concidered this? That the cats may be the smarter one?
They SURE know a lot more than we do at the moment.

Now, Mel Gibson, you must understand, I'm having some hard time believing that you are, infact, the real Mel.
But if you are... I wouldn't need any money... but I'd like to be a part of making the movie... I mean, I have ALOT of ideas...
Infact, I have one idea, which would absoloutley rock.

It is about Cat-Man, but not about me. Though, it's based off my discoveries, if you could call it that.
Though, it's more of a super-hero movie than anything else... I could give you some character backrounds if you want...
And even though I'm having slight problems believing that you are infact Mel Gibson, that doesen't say it isn't true. I just need some kind of proof... you know, like a short video clip with you (Mel Gibson, obviously) confirming this by saying something like "hello Robin, see? I really am Mel Gibson!"
xD

I'd really like to discuss this over with you though... the movie, I mean. I'm a guy with ALOT of fantasy.
So... yeah, why don't you contact me through PM's or something?

-Robin

My husband's cat, Pywakit is truly his familiar, mine is my adorable feral named Theophile (after Steinlein the belle epoque artists). Cats choose people...people do not choose cats. If you find one that likes you, keep near and dear to you!

Hello, Cat Man,

I am replying publicly to your private message, as it said essentially the same thing that your public message does.

I'm afraid I rather overstepped my privileges in my last post. I don't come to Fool Moon very often, but when I do, I come to relax and enjoy the Paranoia Files and some other topics which I read but do not respond to.

When I first arrived here some time ago, I promised the site owners that I would not do business of any kind here, nor promote their site or my films, nor do any celebrity chats or anything like that. I told them I wanted to be here as myself in a relaxed and non-professional way. They agreed, and I've been enjoying FM ever since.

I regret that my previous post mentioning a movie idea went beyond the boundaries I had set up here with Helice and Dax. I must apoligize if I have given you any false hope, or encouraged you that a film might be made from a specific idea.

Approximately one percent of all ideas submitted for movies get past the wastebasket stage. Of those that survive, approximately .7 percent are sent to studios or producers for approval. Of those, approximately ten percent are greenlighted for screenplay. Of the screenplays submitted, another ten percent make it to first day of shooting.

I hope you are not offended by the realities of the motion picture industry, and I do not mean to discourage you from submitting any ideas you may have to the proper agencies, a good idea is a good idea. I just hope you will understand that nothing that happens on this site will be considered professional, and I cannot accept any ideas except via my business office through valid, licensed theatrical and film agencies.

All the best,

Mel

Hello Robin in Norway. I was just reading over your post while I was lying inside the clinic's imported state-of-the-art catscanner getting my brain circuitry magnetically realigned and correctly polarized...the direct result of recently coming in close physical contact with a Chupacabra while consulting with my long time friend and employee, Alejandro in Chiapas, Mexico.

This particular model catscanner has a large rotating titanium plated cylindrical device in which my head is securely positioned, and according to the technician, there are no less than 12 adult purring cats inside this cylinder, and they have been trained to both purr and march (and run when stimulated by a very mild electric shock) round and round inside on what appears to be a raised teflon-coated imitation cat litter jogging track.

As you may or may not know, when cats purr they generate some type of biologically energy or force field which when applied to humans in small doses actually cures certain mental states and or neurological disorders. But not just any cat combination will do. It has to be an even 6 males and 6 female adult cats, and all the females must be in estrus. Under normal conditions, one might expect that many tomcats in close proximity to six female cats would produce some rather undesirable cat noises not to mention a huge amount of cat testosterone, and no doubt it does, but thanks to those wonderful German engineers who sound-proofed and odor-proofed this thing, I have thus far neither heard nor smelled anything noxious.

Already my spelling has greatly improved, and I am now able to correctly tell Doctor Miguel who the current president of the U.S. AND Mexico is. As for your cat being some type of religious figure, I'm afraid I cannot accept that claim. You see, cats are always trying to convince people they are something special when in reality they are just another self-centered pet. Surely you can see thru this cat's ruse. He's using you! And look what it's got him. His picture on the internet among other things no doubt. Cats cannot be trusted. They must be taught to obey their masters and not the other way round. Stand up for yourself, man, and stop being manipulated by this narcissistic furry fiend.

Down through history Cats have been known to use gaudy blue lights to get what they want from their masters. They did it with the ancient Egyptians and look what it got them...they were pampered by the Pharoahs and then worshipped. How disgusting is that? Worshipping a deity that covers his poop with sand and barfs up hairballs? No way, Jose'. Look under your cat's bedding sometimes and see if he isn't hiding a blue light bulb or a piece of blue tinted glass. Ha!



Cats are not acting like dolls for the aliens, they ARE aliens!



Cats don't have souls or spirits, Robin, but they can be possessed by evil demonic entities which have been wandering the earth for millions of years inhabiting one life form after another, including cats and humans! Cats in turn can carry these demonic spirit beings inside their bodies, and they can pass them on to humans ususally when the victim is asleep.

The cat hops up onto the bed and curls up next to the person and begins purring, and over the space of a few minutes the entity migrates from the cat into the person. The old tale about a cat having 9 lives came from ancient Sumerian legends about Babylonian cats which had 9 demons of Baal living inside them. Cat owners are the ones who spread the lie about cats being living cameras for aliens. Trust me. Do you really want to live around an animal that can change your sexual orientation anytime it feels like it?

Robin...the two black spots over Migo's eyes? They are an exact replica of the ancient Sumerian cuniform letters for the demonic entity known as Baal. Obviously, the demon Baal has been reincarnated as a cat in a popular city in Norway and is currently living inside your house. You are in grave danger, my friend.

Trust me. I know evil demonic entities when I see, hear, and smell one, and this cat is definitely one such entity. By posting it's image online, you have participated in heathen idolatry, which is a serious offense in any culture, especially the one here in the USA. You need an exorcist, Robin, and you need to move away from those cats and free yourself from their influence and demonic power. Hearing cat voices is the first sign of possession. Next they start giving you instructions on how to take over the country and then they might ask you to do other horrible cat things. Get out while you still can.

Funny... see, Migo wasn't born yet


Now, Migo... a demon?
Maybe... I mean, if he is, he's not an evil one, atleast.
See, my cat isn't by any means controlling me.
He has infact, never asked me to do anything that I've not wanted myself.
He's not my master. Neither am I his. We are friends, and we're as close as friends can get... without having a sexual relationship... xD
I do not sense any evil in Migo, however, I just met a cat that I did sense a large amount of evil feelings.
I didn't want to talk to him, so I walked away, but I can tell you, there's NOTHING evil in Migo.

I've never actually said I looked at him as a religious being either. Neither has he ever told me that he is.
However, I get the feeling that he is, indeed, important to the fate of not only me, but the entire world, maybe. And I mean in a good way.
This, is something I've not been told by HIM, but by my old cat, Kalle... which is dead. The one that's named Kalle now, isa reincarnation, I believe, of Kalle.
I look at Kalle as my mentor in life. He thought me how things work. He told me everything I know. I owe him alot...
Sadly, I couldn't save him when he needed it.
He died, not too long after I saw that blue light.

That's because they have the uncanny ability to take control of your thinking processes and make it seem like it's you that's thinking stuff when in reality it's the cat that's in charge of your decision to act or not act. I'm telling you from past experience, cats are evil entities which have powers beyond anything we humans can imagine. My cat liked to go bowling, so it convinced me to take up the sport so that it could enjoy watching the pins fall over. I hate bowling and always have since childhood.

Pretty scary, huh? It also had a penchant for sardines, but I hated the things, or I did until he took control of the food preference region of my brain and then I found myself at the store with a grocery cart full of canned sardines.



Ahem! Well,be that as it may, it is my duty to inform you that one cannot truly be friends with a cat since friendship is a mutual thing between two like-minded creatures, and humans and cats are not alike. For example, a human usually does not bury his or her poop in the front yard, nor do we insist on controlling those around us. And of course we are not descended from saber-tooth tigers. jaguars, pumas, and panthers. Oh, and it is never a good idea for friends to have sexual relationships or even thoughts of the subject. Lusting after a friend will almost always end a wonderful relationship.



That's just his way of convincing you that he is more important than he really is. He's playing a game with you to see how far he can push the limits of his conceit and feline narcisscism. No doubt he is trying to impress some female cat (or cats) with this ruse. That's pretty dogone bold to try and make you think he is some big wheel in the universe. Snap out of it, man and stop listening to this feind's evil imagination.



No, but I'm willing to bet that's his next move. Have you been saving his things and putting them in a special place in your home? Did you have his kitty toys bronzed? Do you have a family cat album on the coffee table? Do you sometimes see a warm amber-colored glowing aura around his head or body? Cat worship is almost as bad as Satan worship you know. I checked. They have exorcists in Norway. Find one before it's too late.

Hmm... Well... if that's how it is then.
As my name suggests, I am on the cats side.
I am the Cat-Man. I'm already under an oath. That oath is to protect all cats and possibly other animals, if they are in need. Humans too, if it is important for me and my personal thoughts only.
That said, you must understand that if what you're saying is really true, I am your enemy.
I was hoping that you guys where to believe in what I said and listen to me. I was looking forward to a cooperation in war against those who threatens earth and other foul souls.

I must tell you, my cat, Migo has NOTHING evil inside him. AT ALL. I KNOW he's speaking the truth when he's talking to me.
You guys just don't understand the gravity of what I'm telling you.

Look at this as some kind of prediction:
We are in grave danger. What is about to happen, will easily be one of my biggest challenges in my life. I've fought baddies before. You know, when I first really got in contact with the cats like I am now, I was fifteen. Back then, I was so interested in superheroes, like Spider-Man. Heck, I even made myself a costume. I fought robbers. I beat guys with weapons, like guns and machineguns. WITH MY BEAR HANDS!
I've never told anyone on the web about this before. I am aware that you can easily find my real name now. Infact, I've already stated it even. Not that it matters... no one really knows of me. Whenever I've saved, or stopped someone from doing something bad, I've never really gotten credit for it. Never has the papers stated "Masked character stops robbery".
Only "Vigilante stops robbery and runs away".
Never has anyone seen the connection that one guy is doing this.
Heh, even a 15 year old kid. Now, two years later, I've grown pretty much. I now almost know my full destiny.

I'm warning you: Armageddon is almost here.
Wether you want to think that the cats are evil, that will be your problem. I will not let you stand in my way. If you don't wanna help me save the world, then don't. I know that I will bever give up.

When I joined here, I thought you guys might actually have some sense and actually believe me... seems I was wrong.

Well, whatever happens, I guess we might meet some day.
I just want you to remember me when it's over.
I don't want any credit for what I might do... I just want the world to go on... I just want the ones I love to keep on living...


Now, I will once again try to give you one piece of advice:
Stick with the cats. They are NOT the evil ones. They are NOT the ones with foul souls. The cats CAN and WILL protect you, if you protect them. The cats have an extreme understanding of how brains work. I told you earlier... I learned that from them. I learned something that makes me be able to do anything. Maybe, one day, if you're in need and you've helped them... maybe they will then teach you the same. The cats are forgiving creatures. They will forgive you, if you stop this crazy blabber about them being evil.

That is my words on that case.
So, are you enemies or friends? I'd personally like to have you on my side... not that'd would stop me if you wasn't... it's not like a threat or anything... but you won't be of much of a challenge for me.

Anyways, the first thing I'd like to do when this is over, is to heavily question the US government. I guess someone would listen to me if I save the world, am I right?
Any that are willing to come along, are welcomed with open arms.

-Robin Høyland AKA. Cat-Man of Norway

Hello, Robin aka the "Cat Man of Norway." You are indeed one brave lad there my friend. We here in the USA could sure use a few young men like you. But, well..the only problem I see with your situation is that you have become too close to...cats. Personally, I do not consider you to be "the enemy" because I already know who the enemy is, and they have been here much longer than you have...much longer.

You mentioned those who threaten earth and the inhabitants who live here, including all the animals, except of course...cats. The real enemies are those misguided humans who oppose aliens and for no good reason have consistently sought to destroy them. Aliens are not the enemy. Cats are the enemy and those who prefer cats over aliens.



Oh but we do, honest. Cats have taken control of your mind just like Edgar said. Poor Edgar. Did you know all four of his ex-wives disappeared at sea off the coast of Maine? And did you also know that there was one important thing that stands out in all four of these strange and unexplained disappearences? There was a cat on board Edgar's boat, and all four women had petted that same cat a few minutes before they fell (or jumped) overboard and drowned..in spite of Edgar's valiant efforts to save all four. A coincidence? I think not.



That's typical cat thinking, Robin. Always wanting to be rewarded and always wanting and needing positive reinforcement from others, whether they deserve it or not.



Once again...cat thinking. Cats have always played the old Armageddon card...when all else fails, they try and scare you into doing what they want by filling your head full of horrific endtime apocalyptic Armageddon imagery. Do you sometimes hear battle noises and the thunder of horse's hooves where there are none? Cat-induced endtime sounds courtesy of your frisky feline friend. Ignore it. It does not exist outside your own mind.



Now hold on there, Robin. We guys have lots of sense. It's a mandatory requirement you know...having sense....if you don't have sense, well, the persnickity admin. people who run this site simply will not tolerate senseless people, that's all. And it doesn't matter how much money you or your parents have or how popular you are there in your town, if you don't have good sense, well, I'm afraid you won't be around here very long. Did you know some people in here have exceptionally high levels of sense?



Robin. Cats do not have souls. Only people have souls. Cats have lots of free range cat air, but in no way can it nor should it be considered a soul.



So would the rest of us, but that is impossible because...the US government is run by...yep, you guessed it...cats. Bush, Cheney, Rice...congress....the Supreme Court...the Pentagon...all the rest...the entire Federal Government...is run by a few cats who spend most of their days and nights in an underground cat bunker in Washington D.C. It's not Bush's fault like you Europeans seem to think...Bush is controlled by the family cat, just like Bill Clinton was controlled by his evil cat, "Socks."

You are so wrong, that I'm crying.
No, really. Stop blaming those who in reality, only would like to help. The cats are indeed a REALLY advanced spieces, but does NOT make them evil.
They cannot MAKE you do something you don't want to do.
And by the way, cats really do have souls... just like very other creature on this planet. How do I know that?
I saw one, once. When my old cat died. He was miles away, but still I saw his sole coming onto my bed, talking to me... telling me allot that I didn't know. I really miss that guy...

Anyways, I really do care for everyone on this planet. I want to do my best to help everyone, but it's not so damn easy when everyone's pointing fingers... and if you REALLY have to make a "war" against the cats, I WILL take the cat side... and you won't stand a SINGLE chance... no way!
But hopefully, that won't have to happen.

Anyways... heard about "Planet X"? I'm sure you have... Nibooru, or something similar, it is also called.
Anyways, in a few years, that planet with pass us. This is when we make the first world-wide contact with these beings, living on this planet.
I want to tell you something... that I just got told... by a cat.

The beings on this planet, are demons. OUR demons. "Planet X" IS "Hell". This is where we all go when we die... that is, if we don't deserve to join the good guys in heaven. They will ram us hard with forces we simply can't stand up against, without me, and the cats help.
They've also got creatures like the ones I've drawed, and posted here on page one.... I think these might be a challenge for even me, but as I've said, if we work TOGETHER, we WILL win!
But if we don't, we simply won't.
If everything goes bad, I do have a plan b. What it is?
Well, I'd like to begin everything anew... in a new dimension. Bringing only the ones I love and those that stand close to me.
I suggest you do the same.

Now, I NEVER EVER said that I WANTED credit for the "hero" deeds that I've done. When I have stopped big armed bank robberies, I've NEVER WANTED to get the credit. I tend to like it alone. In the shadows... I don't want people to know who I am... but now, it looks like there's no other choice.
Cats are not greedy. You are... you, as in humans.
Yes, including me.
Humans are the only race on this planet, that will do it any harm in the future.
Sadly...

Now, belive me, or not... But I'll tell you this: I WILL NOT allow discrimination of cats. EVER!
No killing of innocent cats. No shutting them out. No shunning them.
Respect them as fellow earthlings. Cause as you said... they where here FIRST!
If they wanted to, they could throw us into the grabage can in no time... So listen to me, and the cats.

Thank you. I hope you make the right choice...

Good morning Cat Man in Norway...Robin. Look, I did not mean to make you cry ok? Thing is, cats are so evil even highly intelligent Cat Doctors with PhD's don't know how evil they are. And cats DO NOT HAVE SOULS...trust me on that. They do have a very loose permeable form of vaporous cat essence but in no way can it be considered an actual soul. It's similar to cat blood in that it circulates throughout the cat's nervous system and brain, but once the cat dies, it is quickly disseminated into the environment kinda like the hydrocarbons in a can spray deodorant.

Sometimes a cat's essence will briefly hover over an area, but it's usually not recognizable as a cat...it sorta resembles an elasticized semi-translucent and somewhat faded cat cartoon drawn on cheap newsprint paper with no clearly defined outline...like a graphite drawing that's been mussed over with a paper shading stump. Then it disappears into the air like exhaust fumes from a diesel engine.

I am very familiar with Planet X. In fact, that is where my alien friends came from. If you research the Paranoia Files going back almost five years you will discover that Planet X was discussed at length as being the home planet of Jazmoora and the other aliens which posted here. Planet X is not "Hell." Hell is located on a different planet, one which is an extremely long distance from either Earth or Planet X. Hell is indeed the homeland of demons, and it is governed by a bizarre form of eerie hybrid human-like cat beings known as Wampus Cats.

Their leader is a giant evil dark-furred cat-human known as Margon Gamorrang aka The Cat Who Drinks the Juice of Meteorite Stones. The other cats and cat demons worship him and make spirit sacrifices to him. I see you mentioned shunning. It's the other way round. Cats often shun humans. That's the first step in the process of abandonment and desolation. I hope this helps clear things up for you. Beware of demons in cat skins.

LISTEN to me. My name, is Migo. I am a cat. I do ot care for materialistic goods. I do not care, if my friend think of me as any religious figure. Which I am not.

First off, I want to say that I am right now taking control over my best friends body. This isn't something I LIKE to do, but he can't seem to tell you good enough himself.

We, the cats, are NOT "out to get ya". No, as a matter of fact, we are only trying to cooperate, but you damn people with your damn minds can't seem to understand the great deal of the situation. you can't seem to get yer minds off of "Oh noes, the cats are evil!". This pisses me off. I have never hurt a human being in my entire life, that didn't deserve it.
I'm gonna be honest... I've killed a person before. But this guy... He was going to kill someone that's very close to my best friend. Which is Robin. Robin was out on a vacation, so he had no chance to do it. I stepped in and saved her, and her family's life.
Now, WHAT'S wrong with that? Taking ONE life to save 10!

I'm gonna tell you, simple and straight forward: There are forces out there, that are coming towards us at hugenormous speeds.
When they reach us, we will have to surrender. We won't be able to fight them at all... Not even the best fighter cats we've got down in Salow Cut.
No, but there's one that can. His name, is Robin. He will defeat the evil forces... he will save us. So, even if you don't want to believe that we aren't out to harm you.... can you atleast give your support to Mr Nice guy here? Cat Man... He will save us.
And let's hope we won't have a war sometime in the future... you'd be crushed by us... no offence
That was it. I'm now gonna bring my SOLE back to my own body, where I can rest once again... for that's what we should do... we should be prepared for something big... just you remember this... Thanks...

--Migo Høyland

Hello Brother Migo Hoyland or Robin or whoever it is I am talking to right now. Amen? I am the right Reverend Luv D. Money, Televangelist extraordinaire, and until recently I was the resident clergyman here in the FoolMoon Paranoia Files, but I was not appreciated for my many services so I moved on to greener pasture$. I was contacted by Mr. Wakeholden and he requested that I return here to the P-Files and counsel you concerning your above confession wherein you have admitted taking another human being's life, which is a BIG no-no even in Paranoialand. Amen?

You see, Migo, as the founder of the Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar (and its affiliated mission to the heathen idolators of FoolMoon) it is my duty and responsibility to serve those offenders in need such as yourselves. Normally I do not come in contact with very many Cat people, but I shall do my best to set you upon the righteous pathway which is free from evil cats and cat sympathizers, etc.



Well, in the first place, you had no business meddling in Robin's affairs like that, and one wrong does not make 10 rights! So there! I am more than a little shocked to hear that a cat actually murdered a human being. In fact, I seriously doubt that you did commit such a horrific act. Cats are not allowed to own handguns in Norway, nor are they allowed to carry knives or other dangerous weapons.

I assume you have falsely confessed to this heinous crime in order to spare the real culprit, Robin. I suppose now you're going to tell us that you killed this guy with your bare paws and that you have a black belt in one of the oriental martial arts...like Kitty Cat Kung -Fu maybe? Ha ha-ha. Gimme a break, Migo. Just admit that you made all this up to protect your master, Robin.

You'll feel much better after you confess, and of course you can send me a nice donation which will be used to put a new sound system in my stretch Limo and if there's any left over I will air condition my wife's poodle's doghouse. Amen? Btw, have you seen my TV program there in Norway? "The Olde Time Money Hour" with me, Reverend Luv D. Money?

Migo, honey, now just you shush and calm down a little and have yourself another big bowl of Kibbles n' Bits. Everything is gonna work out fine eventually. You see, I am a BIG cat person. That's right. There are three cats currently living in my house, there's Winky and Dinky and Stinky, and I love them all three to bits and pieces. You really didn't kill anyone did you? Be honest now. A mother of three kitty cats knows these things. Wanna see a pic of my 3 kitty cats? Hmmmmmmmmm?

It is a violation of World Headquarters protocol for a cat to participate in the harming or destruction of human life regardless of the reason or reasons. As the official spokesperson for "The World" it is my duty to inform you that cats are also not allowed to imitate a superhero or to claim to actually be one. Why? Very simple. Only humans and cartoon characters can become superheroes, and it is plain that you are neither.

Therefore and forthwith I am issuing World Order # 45927-799-LSMFT-PDQ/cancelcat.pet which instructs you to immediately desist and refrain from any such unauthorized behavior in the future. Superman and Batman are watching, and they will enforce this WO if called upon to do so. I am THE World Headquarters Man and this memo is being sent to you directly from World Headquarters, which is NOT in Norway by the way. Heavens no!

Bah! Mel Gibson couldn't sell a movie to a... well... someone who was desperately seeking to buy a, uhm, movie...

Look, if you want to make some campy movie about some guy being whipped half to death and hung up on a board to save the world from having to eat kosher meals or something, well, I still wouldn't pick him. But if you really want to make some money with this movie idea of yours, I'm your man! Don't even think otherwise! I know exactly what sells a movie, and if you want to know too, just check out Cinemax on Friday night around 3 a.m. I've worked with the biggest names in the biz, and I can make you a big name too!

My company (Joblo's Pics, Flicks, and Discount Cigarettes) has been responsible for some of the highest grossing movies on late night cable! Our movies include big name fare like-- Naked Amazons in the Jungle of Doom, Body Privates 2: Out for Justice, Bikini Law Firm, Body Justice 3: Out for Privates and of course our highest grossing film ever starring the lovely Shannon Tweed, Nightboob 2: Hard Desires.

I love this whole Sci-Fi psychic cat vibe too. It'll be like The Matrix but with cats and Shannon Whirry and Tanya Roberts.

Call me!

I don't want to burst your bubble, Migo or Cat man, but cats are not allowed to be superheroes because they have fleas. No superhero in the entire history of superheroes has ever had fleas. Fleas are unsanitary, and since I am the official FoolMoon health nurse, I must insist that absolutely no cats of any description be allowed to function as a superhero. What kind of message does that send to our young people? No, it will not be tolerated. Don't make me call Homeland Security.

Tarnation boy! What's all this crazy talk about some stupid cat being a hero? Are all the kids in Norway hung up on wacko psycho cats like you are? Why, when I was a youngster cats stayed down at the barn with the other farm animals and caught mice and behaved like real cats. Now you're telling me you allow the nasty critters to come inside and sleep on the couch? Huh! If that don't beat all. A talking Norwegian cat that thinks it's some kinda big shot.