Funny... see, Migo wasn't born yet


Now, Migo... a demon?
Maybe... I mean, if he is, he's not an evil one, atleast.
See, my cat isn't by any means controlling me.
He has infact, never asked me to do anything that I've not wanted myself.
He's not my master. Neither am I his. We are friends, and we're as close as friends can get... without having a sexual relationship... xD
I do not sense any evil in Migo, however, I just met a cat that I did sense a large amount of evil feelings.
I didn't want to talk to him, so I walked away, but I can tell you, there's NOTHING evil in Migo.

I've never actually said I looked at him as a religious being either. Neither has he ever told me that he is.
However, I get the feeling that he is, indeed, important to the fate of not only me, but the entire world, maybe. And I mean in a good way.
This, is something I've not been told by HIM, but by my old cat, Kalle... which is dead. The one that's named Kalle now, isa reincarnation, I believe, of Kalle.
I look at Kalle as my mentor in life. He thought me how things work. He told me everything I know. I owe him alot...
Sadly, I couldn't save him when he needed it.
He died, not too long after I saw that blue light.

That's because they have the uncanny ability to take control of your thinking processes and make it seem like it's you that's thinking stuff when in reality it's the cat that's in charge of your decision to act or not act. I'm telling you from past experience, cats are evil entities which have powers beyond anything we humans can imagine. My cat liked to go bowling, so it convinced me to take up the sport so that it could enjoy watching the pins fall over. I hate bowling and always have since childhood.

Pretty scary, huh? It also had a penchant for sardines, but I hated the things, or I did until he took control of the food preference region of my brain and then I found myself at the store with a grocery cart full of canned sardines.



Ahem! Well,be that as it may, it is my duty to inform you that one cannot truly be friends with a cat since friendship is a mutual thing between two like-minded creatures, and humans and cats are not alike. For example, a human usually does not bury his or her poop in the front yard, nor do we insist on controlling those around us. And of course we are not descended from saber-tooth tigers. jaguars, pumas, and panthers. Oh, and it is never a good idea for friends to have sexual relationships or even thoughts of the subject. Lusting after a friend will almost always end a wonderful relationship.



That's just his way of convincing you that he is more important than he really is. He's playing a game with you to see how far he can push the limits of his conceit and feline narcisscism. No doubt he is trying to impress some female cat (or cats) with this ruse. That's pretty dogone bold to try and make you think he is some big wheel in the universe. Snap out of it, man and stop listening to this feind's evil imagination.



No, but I'm willing to bet that's his next move. Have you been saving his things and putting them in a special place in your home? Did you have his kitty toys bronzed? Do you have a family cat album on the coffee table? Do you sometimes see a warm amber-colored glowing aura around his head or body? Cat worship is almost as bad as Satan worship you know. I checked. They have exorcists in Norway. Find one before it's too late.

Hmm... Well... if that's how it is then.
As my name suggests, I am on the cats side.
I am the Cat-Man. I'm already under an oath. That oath is to protect all cats and possibly other animals, if they are in need. Humans too, if it is important for me and my personal thoughts only.
That said, you must understand that if what you're saying is really true, I am your enemy.
I was hoping that you guys where to believe in what I said and listen to me. I was looking forward to a cooperation in war against those who threatens earth and other foul souls.

I must tell you, my cat, Migo has NOTHING evil inside him. AT ALL. I KNOW he's speaking the truth when he's talking to me.
You guys just don't understand the gravity of what I'm telling you.

Look at this as some kind of prediction:
We are in grave danger. What is about to happen, will easily be one of my biggest challenges in my life. I've fought baddies before. You know, when I first really got in contact with the cats like I am now, I was fifteen. Back then, I was so interested in superheroes, like Spider-Man. Heck, I even made myself a costume. I fought robbers. I beat guys with weapons, like guns and machineguns. WITH MY BEAR HANDS!
I've never told anyone on the web about this before. I am aware that you can easily find my real name now. Infact, I've already stated it even. Not that it matters... no one really knows of me. Whenever I've saved, or stopped someone from doing something bad, I've never really gotten credit for it. Never has the papers stated "Masked character stops robbery".
Only "Vigilante stops robbery and runs away".
Never has anyone seen the connection that one guy is doing this.
Heh, even a 15 year old kid. Now, two years later, I've grown pretty much. I now almost know my full destiny.

I'm warning you: Armageddon is almost here.
Wether you want to think that the cats are evil, that will be your problem. I will not let you stand in my way. If you don't wanna help me save the world, then don't. I know that I will bever give up.

When I joined here, I thought you guys might actually have some sense and actually believe me... seems I was wrong.

Well, whatever happens, I guess we might meet some day.
I just want you to remember me when it's over.
I don't want any credit for what I might do... I just want the world to go on... I just want the ones I love to keep on living...


Now, I will once again try to give you one piece of advice:
Stick with the cats. They are NOT the evil ones. They are NOT the ones with foul souls. The cats CAN and WILL protect you, if you protect them. The cats have an extreme understanding of how brains work. I told you earlier... I learned that from them. I learned something that makes me be able to do anything. Maybe, one day, if you're in need and you've helped them... maybe they will then teach you the same. The cats are forgiving creatures. They will forgive you, if you stop this crazy blabber about them being evil.

That is my words on that case.
So, are you enemies or friends? I'd personally like to have you on my side... not that'd would stop me if you wasn't... it's not like a threat or anything... but you won't be of much of a challenge for me.

Anyways, the first thing I'd like to do when this is over, is to heavily question the US government. I guess someone would listen to me if I save the world, am I right?
Any that are willing to come along, are welcomed with open arms.

-Robin Høyland AKA. Cat-Man of Norway

Hello, Robin aka the "Cat Man of Norway." You are indeed one brave lad there my friend. We here in the USA could sure use a few young men like you. But, well..the only problem I see with your situation is that you have become too close to...cats. Personally, I do not consider you to be "the enemy" because I already know who the enemy is, and they have been here much longer than you have...much longer.

You mentioned those who threaten earth and the inhabitants who live here, including all the animals, except of course...cats. The real enemies are those misguided humans who oppose aliens and for no good reason have consistently sought to destroy them. Aliens are not the enemy. Cats are the enemy and those who prefer cats over aliens.



Oh but we do, honest. Cats have taken control of your mind just like Edgar said. Poor Edgar. Did you know all four of his ex-wives disappeared at sea off the coast of Maine? And did you also know that there was one important thing that stands out in all four of these strange and unexplained disappearences? There was a cat on board Edgar's boat, and all four women had petted that same cat a few minutes before they fell (or jumped) overboard and drowned..in spite of Edgar's valiant efforts to save all four. A coincidence? I think not.



That's typical cat thinking, Robin. Always wanting to be rewarded and always wanting and needing positive reinforcement from others, whether they deserve it or not.



Once again...cat thinking. Cats have always played the old Armageddon card...when all else fails, they try and scare you into doing what they want by filling your head full of horrific endtime apocalyptic Armageddon imagery. Do you sometimes hear battle noises and the thunder of horse's hooves where there are none? Cat-induced endtime sounds courtesy of your frisky feline friend. Ignore it. It does not exist outside your own mind.



Now hold on there, Robin. We guys have lots of sense. It's a mandatory requirement you know...having sense....if you don't have sense, well, the persnickity admin. people who run this site simply will not tolerate senseless people, that's all. And it doesn't matter how much money you or your parents have or how popular you are there in your town, if you don't have good sense, well, I'm afraid you won't be around here very long. Did you know some people in here have exceptionally high levels of sense?



Robin. Cats do not have souls. Only people have souls. Cats have lots of free range cat air, but in no way can it nor should it be considered a soul.



So would the rest of us, but that is impossible because...the US government is run by...yep, you guessed it...cats. Bush, Cheney, Rice...congress....the Supreme Court...the Pentagon...all the rest...the entire Federal Government...is run by a few cats who spend most of their days and nights in an underground cat bunker in Washington D.C. It's not Bush's fault like you Europeans seem to think...Bush is controlled by the family cat, just like Bill Clinton was controlled by his evil cat, "Socks."

You are so wrong, that I'm crying.
No, really. Stop blaming those who in reality, only would like to help. The cats are indeed a REALLY advanced spieces, but does NOT make them evil.
They cannot MAKE you do something you don't want to do.
And by the way, cats really do have souls... just like very other creature on this planet. How do I know that?
I saw one, once. When my old cat died. He was miles away, but still I saw his sole coming onto my bed, talking to me... telling me allot that I didn't know. I really miss that guy...

Anyways, I really do care for everyone on this planet. I want to do my best to help everyone, but it's not so damn easy when everyone's pointing fingers... and if you REALLY have to make a "war" against the cats, I WILL take the cat side... and you won't stand a SINGLE chance... no way!
But hopefully, that won't have to happen.

Anyways... heard about "Planet X"? I'm sure you have... Nibooru, or something similar, it is also called.
Anyways, in a few years, that planet with pass us. This is when we make the first world-wide contact with these beings, living on this planet.
I want to tell you something... that I just got told... by a cat.

The beings on this planet, are demons. OUR demons. "Planet X" IS "Hell". This is where we all go when we die... that is, if we don't deserve to join the good guys in heaven. They will ram us hard with forces we simply can't stand up against, without me, and the cats help.
They've also got creatures like the ones I've drawed, and posted here on page one.... I think these might be a challenge for even me, but as I've said, if we work TOGETHER, we WILL win!
But if we don't, we simply won't.
If everything goes bad, I do have a plan b. What it is?
Well, I'd like to begin everything anew... in a new dimension. Bringing only the ones I love and those that stand close to me.
I suggest you do the same.

Now, I NEVER EVER said that I WANTED credit for the "hero" deeds that I've done. When I have stopped big armed bank robberies, I've NEVER WANTED to get the credit. I tend to like it alone. In the shadows... I don't want people to know who I am... but now, it looks like there's no other choice.
Cats are not greedy. You are... you, as in humans.
Yes, including me.
Humans are the only race on this planet, that will do it any harm in the future.
Sadly...

Now, belive me, or not... But I'll tell you this: I WILL NOT allow discrimination of cats. EVER!
No killing of innocent cats. No shutting them out. No shunning them.
Respect them as fellow earthlings. Cause as you said... they where here FIRST!
If they wanted to, they could throw us into the grabage can in no time... So listen to me, and the cats.

Thank you. I hope you make the right choice...

Good morning Cat Man in Norway...Robin. Look, I did not mean to make you cry ok? Thing is, cats are so evil even highly intelligent Cat Doctors with PhD's don't know how evil they are. And cats DO NOT HAVE SOULS...trust me on that. They do have a very loose permeable form of vaporous cat essence but in no way can it be considered an actual soul. It's similar to cat blood in that it circulates throughout the cat's nervous system and brain, but once the cat dies, it is quickly disseminated into the environment kinda like the hydrocarbons in a can spray deodorant.

Sometimes a cat's essence will briefly hover over an area, but it's usually not recognizable as a cat...it sorta resembles an elasticized semi-translucent and somewhat faded cat cartoon drawn on cheap newsprint paper with no clearly defined outline...like a graphite drawing that's been mussed over with a paper shading stump. Then it disappears into the air like exhaust fumes from a diesel engine.

I am very familiar with Planet X. In fact, that is where my alien friends came from. If you research the Paranoia Files going back almost five years you will discover that Planet X was discussed at length as being the home planet of Jazmoora and the other aliens which posted here. Planet X is not "Hell." Hell is located on a different planet, one which is an extremely long distance from either Earth or Planet X. Hell is indeed the homeland of demons, and it is governed by a bizarre form of eerie hybrid human-like cat beings known as Wampus Cats.

Their leader is a giant evil dark-furred cat-human known as Margon Gamorrang aka The Cat Who Drinks the Juice of Meteorite Stones. The other cats and cat demons worship him and make spirit sacrifices to him. I see you mentioned shunning. It's the other way round. Cats often shun humans. That's the first step in the process of abandonment and desolation. I hope this helps clear things up for you. Beware of demons in cat skins.

LISTEN to me. My name, is Migo. I am a cat. I do ot care for materialistic goods. I do not care, if my friend think of me as any religious figure. Which I am not.

First off, I want to say that I am right now taking control over my best friends body. This isn't something I LIKE to do, but he can't seem to tell you good enough himself.

We, the cats, are NOT "out to get ya". No, as a matter of fact, we are only trying to cooperate, but you damn people with your damn minds can't seem to understand the great deal of the situation. you can't seem to get yer minds off of "Oh noes, the cats are evil!". This pisses me off. I have never hurt a human being in my entire life, that didn't deserve it.
I'm gonna be honest... I've killed a person before. But this guy... He was going to kill someone that's very close to my best friend. Which is Robin. Robin was out on a vacation, so he had no chance to do it. I stepped in and saved her, and her family's life.
Now, WHAT'S wrong with that? Taking ONE life to save 10!

I'm gonna tell you, simple and straight forward: There are forces out there, that are coming towards us at hugenormous speeds.
When they reach us, we will have to surrender. We won't be able to fight them at all... Not even the best fighter cats we've got down in Salow Cut.
No, but there's one that can. His name, is Robin. He will defeat the evil forces... he will save us. So, even if you don't want to believe that we aren't out to harm you.... can you atleast give your support to Mr Nice guy here? Cat Man... He will save us.
And let's hope we won't have a war sometime in the future... you'd be crushed by us... no offence
That was it. I'm now gonna bring my SOLE back to my own body, where I can rest once again... for that's what we should do... we should be prepared for something big... just you remember this... Thanks...

--Migo Høyland

Hello Brother Migo Hoyland or Robin or whoever it is I am talking to right now. Amen? I am the right Reverend Luv D. Money, Televangelist extraordinaire, and until recently I was the resident clergyman here in the FoolMoon Paranoia Files, but I was not appreciated for my many services so I moved on to greener pasture$. I was contacted by Mr. Wakeholden and he requested that I return here to the P-Files and counsel you concerning your above confession wherein you have admitted taking another human being's life, which is a BIG no-no even in Paranoialand. Amen?

You see, Migo, as the founder of the Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar (and its affiliated mission to the heathen idolators of FoolMoon) it is my duty and responsibility to serve those offenders in need such as yourselves. Normally I do not come in contact with very many Cat people, but I shall do my best to set you upon the righteous pathway which is free from evil cats and cat sympathizers, etc.



Well, in the first place, you had no business meddling in Robin's affairs like that, and one wrong does not make 10 rights! So there! I am more than a little shocked to hear that a cat actually murdered a human being. In fact, I seriously doubt that you did commit such a horrific act. Cats are not allowed to own handguns in Norway, nor are they allowed to carry knives or other dangerous weapons.

I assume you have falsely confessed to this heinous crime in order to spare the real culprit, Robin. I suppose now you're going to tell us that you killed this guy with your bare paws and that you have a black belt in one of the oriental martial arts...like Kitty Cat Kung -Fu maybe? Ha ha-ha. Gimme a break, Migo. Just admit that you made all this up to protect your master, Robin.

You'll feel much better after you confess, and of course you can send me a nice donation which will be used to put a new sound system in my stretch Limo and if there's any left over I will air condition my wife's poodle's doghouse. Amen? Btw, have you seen my TV program there in Norway? "The Olde Time Money Hour" with me, Reverend Luv D. Money?

Migo, honey, now just you shush and calm down a little and have yourself another big bowl of Kibbles n' Bits. Everything is gonna work out fine eventually. You see, I am a BIG cat person. That's right. There are three cats currently living in my house, there's Winky and Dinky and Stinky, and I love them all three to bits and pieces. You really didn't kill anyone did you? Be honest now. A mother of three kitty cats knows these things. Wanna see a pic of my 3 kitty cats? Hmmmmmmmmm?

It is a violation of World Headquarters protocol for a cat to participate in the harming or destruction of human life regardless of the reason or reasons. As the official spokesperson for "The World" it is my duty to inform you that cats are also not allowed to imitate a superhero or to claim to actually be one. Why? Very simple. Only humans and cartoon characters can become superheroes, and it is plain that you are neither.

Therefore and forthwith I am issuing World Order # 45927-799-LSMFT-PDQ/cancelcat.pet which instructs you to immediately desist and refrain from any such unauthorized behavior in the future. Superman and Batman are watching, and they will enforce this WO if called upon to do so. I am THE World Headquarters Man and this memo is being sent to you directly from World Headquarters, which is NOT in Norway by the way. Heavens no!