My friends, I am breathlessly excited to share with you the opening of our newest retreat center in Trelona, Wyoming (Goshen County)!

Retreats are free, but you must pay for your own food and transportation. Church members and potential members are housed in single rooms, (couples in double rooms) with private bath and shower. The cafeteria is open all day.

Contact moonwingdove@church-ea.com for more information. We welcome your inquiries, and we will gladly answer any questions you may have.

Please join us! Our church extends it's arms to you. Your life will never be the same, and your old life will seem like a bad dream from which you have awakened into a living paradise. We can't wait to take you in!

MoonWing! I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am to hear of your much-awaited return here to Paranoia. You have been missed (darn second hand infra-red Starlite sniper scope was not zeroed in properly I guess) A lot has been happening while you were absent.

The two aliens or alien imposters or whatever they were ended up dead with 4 silver dum dums to the head...an all around nasty sordid affair, and as if that weren't bad enough, a poor canine therapist (see avatar file photo) named Psych Pup was run down by parties unknown and left for dead, which was exactly what it was...dead as in a doornail.

I'm pleased as punch to learn of your continued affiliation with the COEA, and not a minute too soon I might add, as I am sure you are aware that the incorrigable Rev. Luv D. Money has invaded our little obsessive compulsive community of peevish paranoidians and is currently spreading his vile manifesto of Mammon both hither and yon.

His main emphasis is as always money money and more money, and I hesitate to tell you this, but he seems to be making inroads here, especially with some of the female residents...like this Cherokee Cowgirl for example, who has more or less been taken in by this hayseed imposter and his so-called Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar. Her motives I suspect are mainly due to an insatiable desire to obtain excessive amounts of cash to feed her hat fetish.

My greatest fear is that Rev. Money's affluent influence will take root here in what can only be described as "fertile ground." Our little core group of COEA members and supporters has dwindled to a mere handful of disenchanted and apathetic followers who are wandering about like lost sheep in search of their shepherd, and here you are, polka dot dress, number 9 medium black heels, and that winning smile, and just in the nick of time. Welcome home, Sister MoonWing....will you take us in?

Ms MoonWing Dove...that name sounds Native American...what tribe are you affiliated with? I am the law here in this part of Wyoming, and I will need to see some kind of identification and a copy of the permit and liscense which gives you permission to open and operate a tax exempt religious retreat here in the state of Wyoming.

You aren't one of those weird wacky New Age universal brotherhood crystal ball and channeling church types are you...like the ones across the line in Bear Tooth, Montana...the ones who channel messages from aliens and other life forms via space wormholes in some other dimension?

Last week they channeled the spirit of a "highly evolved" 50 foot tall praying mantis-type extraterrestrial who alledgedly gave them instructions on how to transmute into a more perceptive earth dweller who will possess fourth dimension vibrational frequency abilities and skills...and they were able to do this due mainly to a molten liquid energy source which is buried thousands of kilometers directly beneath the Montana landscape where they have built their compound.

We are a peacable community of mostly ranchers, cowboys, and tribal business owners, and we intend to keep it that way. We take great pride in being the only state left in the union which is 100% alien free and 99.9% Waco type crazies free.

MoonWing Dove...you remind me so much of my own dear sweet Auntie Phyfa Laurabelle Berenstein. You wear the same kind of polka dot dress and number 9 medium black heels that she wore in 1959. Is this just a coincidence or are there even such things as coincidences if there ever was to begin with?

You know, MoonWing, I used to think I was the one who was in control of my life, but now I'm not so sure anymore..instead of me controlling my own life circumstances and being in control of my major decision making processes, it's beginning to look like it's the other way around....circumstances are controlling me.

Will the COEA theology and philosophy help put me back in the driver's seat, or am I destined to spend the rest of my life wasting away here in Ward 3B with Lynn Dove and all the other functionally impaired residents who live here?

Don't get me wrong...I really like Lynn and the others here in the ward, especially since she did that little broom closet belly dance the other night in her black g-string thingy (see file photo of exposed belly posted by her) but it sure seems like there should be more to life than belly dancing and late night beer parties on the roof in the rain.

I feel like I need to be taken in and enlightened...I mean really taken in hard and seriously enlightened for a change. Will the COEA finally allow me to once and for all possess the much needed "M" word? (Meaning) An inquiring mind wants to know.

Sister MoonWing Dove, I surely and purely do not understand how you managed to open a COEA retreat center in Wyoming when I have been totally frustrated and dismayed trying to establish a Health, Wealth, and Prosperity New World Order Church of the Almighty Dollar Mission there for several years.

I hate to say this MoonWing, but in my opinion, those Wyomingites are a stubborn bunch of people who simply don't understand how important Prosperity religion is to this country. And here you go just waltzing your little polka dotted hiney in there big as day and setting up shop like you own the place or something.

Looks like I'm gonna have to send Cherokee Girl back up there to charm the pants off some of those cowboy bankers and politicians....I'm not saying you did anything like that or nothing...but..well it sure does looks like you might have taken some people in, Moon Pie...you little operator you.

It was very rude of you, Reverend, to call Ms. MoonWIng's hiney 'big as day'!

Some wonderful news, MoonWing Dove. In your absence, I have to date received somewhere in the neighborhood of 1500 requests for information about the new COEA retreat which recently opened in the pristine wilderness of the wickedly beautiful state of Wyoming.

Almost every one of these inquiries made either a financial or a voluntary service commitment to the COEA, and some made both, and more than a few of these were long term commitments. I'd call that more than special....more like extra triple special.

I knew you would want to hear about this as soon as possible, and I do apoligize for disturbing you there in the inner sanctum where you have been meditating in the prone semi-lotus position for almost three weeks now without food or water. We have all been hoping and assuming that you could join us soon and take us in under the umbrella of the latest COEA shepherding guidelines.

I have been to the so-called COEA (Church OF Enlightened Assumption) retreat in Trelona, Wyoming and much to my surprise it turned out to be nothing more than a run down vermin-infested safe house for New Age animal rights activists who are on the run from the authorities. There was absolutely no sign of anyone called Sister Moonwing Dove or any of the other members of the COEA, and in fact there was no sign that they had ever been there.

I suspect this was simply a recruiting operation designed to lure unsuspecting religious pilgrims into the wild Wyoming wilderness so they could be used as guinea pigs in some type of medical research lab infiltration operation. My advice to anyone seeking to visit this place is to stay away for your own health and safety.

This mysterious Moonwing Dove woman has not been seen or heard from in several months, and neither have any of her COEA followers. This organization, if indeed it is even organized, is probably some type of cult. Look at this woman's photo...that face...that smile....that strange polka dot dress...that hairdo....those size 9 medium black heels....I suggest to you that something is not quite right with this situation.

This proves once again that many humans simply cannot be trusted, whereas almost all aliens can be trusted. Have you ever seen an alien in a polka dotted dress? Have you ever heard of an alien pretending to be the spokesperson for some type of polka dot dress-wearing cult based church? Of course not, and you never will. The truth is, there is no Moonwing Dove or COEA, and there never was.

That's odd. It seems the community of Trelona, Wyoming no longer exists. Trelona would have been located somewhere within Goshen County, but where? If Trelona was still there, it would be 4,560 feet above sea level.

Evidently there was a vibrant community at this location at one time, but that all changed a few months after this CoEA cult moved into the area. Someone has a lot of explaining to do. It just ain't right for an entire community to vanish from the face of the earth like that. And who is this MoonWingDove woman, and what has she done with a big chunk of Wyoming landscape? The ex-citizens of Trelona want some answers and soon.

Yesterday on the street, I saw a woman wearing a polka dot dress just like the one this MoonWingDove lady is wearing, and from behind, the hair and all looked just like hers, so I ran up behind her and said, "Excuse me, Miss, but are you MoonWingDo...?" But the second she turned around I could see it wasn't her. Then I thought, well hell, of course it wasn't her. This is not Wyoming and no woman would wear the same dress for almost five years in a row. I just assumed too much without thinking I reckon.