Is that cook's position still open at the OBH?

I'd like to help out as many animal shelters around the world as I could. Those commercials make me sad.

If I had a million dollars, naturally I'd send it to either Benny Hinn or Robert Tilton, two of my favorite televangelists. They deserve it. I don't. This is what happens when you turn your life around and start doing good for a change. I learned to think like this on the internet. Before, when I was living a normal life on the outside, I too would have been willing to spend a million dollars on expensive cars and houses and Mediterranean cruises, but the web has changed my life. It can do the same for you.

Stuff a sock in it, Wakey. And you can tell yer big-haired televangelist buds, I said so, too. How'd ya like them apples??

I don't really expect Birkenstock earth women who live in the desert Southwest with gila monsters and coyotes to understand all the nuances of 21st century prosperity televangelism. Some of us here at the Old Bastard's Home have chartered a tour bus to go out to California for a big televangelist seminar which includes a tour of TV preacher luxury homes. These guys are role models for the rest of us, WindDancer. It's about time you repented and got on the bus and stopped all this unwholesome cynicism.

Lets see .. if all bills were paid and I had a home and kids were well taken care of what would I spend a Mil on .

I would have a tummy tuck and body lift and boob tucks and lifts then I would travel to every beach I could find so I could lay out on it and watch the sunset in a different place and get drunk as a skunk while being served bottomless drinks by some cute muscled cabana boy in tight shorts.
After enjoying that I would buy every electronic gadget that I drool over and build a building to house them all in just like the rich men do with their fancy cars. and I would buy me a new Dodge Ram 4 x 4 Pick up truck and a 4 wheeler.

How's that for dreaming big?

If I had a million dollars, I would first give 10% of it to my church, then I'd like a new car, house. I'd have to spend some time in the emergency room with chest pains due to having a heart attack.
After that I'd go to Ireland, my dream vacation!! Of course, I would not fly or go on a ship, by the time I win a million someone would have built a super highway there.
I am not hard to please.

Gosh Scg, what's happened to you since we talked last? All this lifting and tucking and stretching stuff can't be good for you. You looked fine last time I looked at your family photo album in the gallery. Don't they have cute muscled cabana boys in Gadsden?



That's what I like about women from the South, they're so sensible and down to earth. I bet you still like bologna on white bread too.

HEY Wakey!! That's "Arkansas Steak" yer talking about! Have you ever had the deluxe, i.e. fried bologna, lettuce, tomato, and Miracle Whip on white bread? Damn, that's a GOOD sammich

Scg and I have similar taste in vehicles. I actually prefer a pickup truck, especially with a stick shift.

In rural Mississippi, bologna on white bread is considered a delicacy which one indulges in on those special occasions when your cholesteral numbers are below 200, or when you are celebrating important events like your wedding anniversary or that big whitetail buck you shot during deer hunting season. You walk into the country store and tell the sandwich fixing lady to "burn the bologna on both sides and stick it in white bread with mayo, lettuce, and tomato." Then you sit down on the loafers bench and tell at least six deer hunting lies in less than 5 minutes.

Then some rich country and western singer from Podunk Georgia (Alan Jackson) writes a song by the same name and makes a million dollars off it. Nothing's off-limits anymore. Before that song, a bologna sandwich really meant something, but now it's just another wore out cliche in the consumer driven pop culture. Never again will I be able to eat bologna without that song popping into my head.

In 2006 I made the unforgivable mistake of buying a truck with an automatic transmission. All my others were stick shifts. The shame has been almost unbearable, and the sad part is I told myself an automatic would be easier for other people to drive in case something heart-attackish happened to me, which is true, but trucks are not supposed to be easy to drive. An Alabama woman would never have allowed me to make such a dumb transmission decision. I deserve an automatic for being so non self-centered.