A woman named Mary has disappeared from FoolMoon without a trace, and noone knows what happened or why. There needs to be an investigation into this matter and some questions need to be answered.

A person doesn't just vanish into thin air like this for no reason. I suspect some kind of fowl play. And not only that, Mary's cat also has also gone missing. It's no coincidence that both disappeared at the same time. All my inquiries into this matter have fallen on deaf ears. Each time I bring up the subject of Mary's disappearance, I am either ignored or given the old FoolMoon runaround.

If anyone knows anything about Mary's whereabouts, please post your information here on this thread which is being monitored 24-7 by me and several of Mary's friends. We have printed up posters and are leaving them in all the businesses in and around Bakersfield, California where she lived. I just submitted a help-us-find-Mary t-shirt design to a local graphics firm, and we plan to have 1,000 t-shirts printed with Mary's last avatar pic and bio info on the front.

We have also founded a FoolMoon Mary foundation and will be drafting a manifesto soon. There are some who want to establish a FoolMoon Mary fan club, and they have asked me to be the fan club president, and I have agreed. If you are out there somewhere reading this Mary, we understand why you aren't able to post here...but one day all that will change whenever you are found and your abductors captured and punished. Until then, hang in there. We care, and we miss you. Your old friend, Wakeholden.

I seriously doubt Mary was kidnapped by some evil chicken. She was a cat lover, and cat's usually will not tolerate chickens, but of course Mary's cat was an especially dumb animal, so it is entirely possible that it was a low-down chicken-livered fowl- loving Northern California kitty cat which allowed the evil bird to gain access to her home. I said we all liked Mary, I did not say she was perfect. Even so, we want her back.

Who gives a rat's ass about Mary some might be asking? We do. You see, Mary had a way of pushing our buttons that was special. Some of us have more buttons than normal, buttons that need pushing from time to time. What good is a button if you don't have someone around who knows when and how to push it? Oh, Mary knew alright..you bet your sweet a** she did. How many t-shirts do you want? Btw, is your avatar some kind of lavender skunk?

So this bird loving cat has an accomplise (SP)? They must work in pairs, they leave evidence.. they shall be found and brought to me so they can be fried in deep batter goodness! Gah, now I'm hungry..

No T-Shirts for me, I've got plenty.. and yes, tis a lavender skunk I be. ^-^

My amazing powers of perception (and deception) are allowing me to sharply focus in on your current location there in that dusty polygamist compound in the isolated remote rural Utah countryside.....I'm seeing that you are wearing the same blue and white ankle length cotton print dress that the other 11 underaged and mostly home-schooled women are wearing.

Now I see a man....your husband (ditto for the other 11) his first name begins with an "H"....Harv....Harol....Henr.....no, it's Homer.....Homer Smythton. Right? Isn't it amazing how my gift allows me to quickly focus on you in spite of being hundreds of miles away? Like I said, it's a gift. You are posting online using an old laptop that you found abandoned at a rest stop along the Utah Interstate. You keep the laptop hidden under some boards out in the chickenhouse, which is why you keep talking about chickens, right? Those chickens must be the only real friends you have.

You really love detective stories and reading mysteries, but Homie won't allow any non-religious literature in the compound, but once you watched an entire week of old Columbo episodes while you were holed up in a Motel 6 in Southern Missouri while Homie was out scouring the countryside for three more underaged virgin wives.

Even though you are not Homer's favorite sleeping wife, he does like your cooking because you have a penchant for deep frying everything you cook, and he loves fried. How am I doing so far? Isn't this amazing how I can see right into your life like this? Sometimes I am amazed beyond words at my own abilities....gift..it's a gift like I said earlier. I sure hope you'll keep on posting here. When are you recharging the laptop? Don't let the other wives know you have it. Hang in there. Are you interested in being rescued? How old are you again? Does Home allow his wives to wear shoes? Have you ever been to a mall? Good luck.

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I've never met this Mary gal personally, so I'm just spewing hot air.

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So is practically everyone else in here, Lershyath, especially Wakeholden, but we all like him because...because he's a good speller and he was once in charge of pushing the big red fart button, but now someone else has that job. It takes a LOT of hot air to keep a red fart button functioning properly plus you have to be responsible, and Wake is not responsible...never has been, never will be.

About this Mary person....you see...the truth is...noone knows the truth about Mary. She just showed up one day claiming to be a loving wife and a part time student living near Bakersfield, California. She changed her avatar every couple of days, animated cats usually, which strangely enough resembled your lavender skunk. I suppose it is possible for two people to have access to the same collection of pastel cartoon animal avatars. Anything is possible.

My own private opinion on mysterious Mary is that she wasn't a real person at all, but was instead another one of Helice's multiple personalities created to discipline and embarress Wakeholden and teach him some internet manners. As you can see, it obviously did not work. I could be wrong of course, but I don't think so. Mary was just too quick on the trigger with her responses to be a doting Bakersfield housewife who just happened to be studying linguistics while at the same time spending 3 or 4 hours a day here at FoolMoon. There just isn't that many hours in the day.

Having said all that and not knowing or caring why, I have to admit I did like the Mary personna. It was witty, funny, intelligent, creative, and a bit eccentric, but still, for some reason, it never really came across as a real live person to me. Oh sure, she had a few undeniably human characteristics, but after reading one of her posts, I always had an odd empty feeling that something was not quite right about her...call it my female intuition kicking in, or whatever it was...I just never completely swallowed the Mary entity.

Then there was her claim that she was an old repeat FoolMoon veteran from a few years ago who just decided to show up again unannounced and practically take over the relationships thread. Between her and Wakeholden they turned a normally sane thread into complete chaos, and finally ended up getting my lovely complaint thread moved to the Funhouse dump. I cried like a baby when that happened, but what can one person do? Not much.

My advice is to enjoy yourself and have a good time here in the paranoia files. Neither mysterious Mary nor pushy Wakeholden can screw this place up because...because...it's already that way. This is where you post when you have been shunned and ostracized everywhere else. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. This is the final destination....the end of the internet...when you end up here, it means you no longer matter. Welcome home.

I liked Sister Mary. She was friendly, personable, and at times downright charming. We were quite close at one point. I took her for a spin in my stretch limo, and we hit all the classy line-dancing country and western joints around Bakersfield...we had a blast. Her husband was out of town, and it was just the two of us. Then we drove over to Benny Hinn's place and had a chat with him. Mary and Benny got along great. I don't know why she stopped coming to FoolMoon. Too busy probably. Mary was sharp all right. Amen? And those bright red cowgirl boots she always wore....and those skin tight jeans. Aaaaa-men!

You people are all a bunch of yoyos, especially you, Reverend Money! And so was that bimbo Mary lady. She wasn't funny and she wasn't from Bakersfield either. I'm from Bakersfield, and we don't allow people like her to live here. So there. Bunch of losers! Mary my pet rat's ass. Ha!

What does a troll know about anything? Mary was a nice girl. Not perfect, but nice. Trolls are big pains in the butt. Go back under your bridge and play with your goat friends, you dumbcluck.

reminds me of song lyrics...

Hey everybody where did Mary go?
Where did Mary go?
And where's my only cigarette?
Please think for me I can't bare to
I'll just lie here for a while
Wet myself wet my bed
I've readied it all for her you know
Clean sheets incense a lots of fluffy pillows
Now soiled
And where's my cigarette?
Did you check the bathroom the bathtub?
She sleeps there sometimes
Water cleanses you know
Washes dirt away, makes new
Maybe she, maybe she, maybe she, maybe, maybe she swam away

what better place for em?

Maybe she's hiding under the bed? lol

Mary was abducted for her own protection and well being. She is currently being held in a secure location and as soon as it is safe for her to return to Bakersfield, she will be released. Until then, it would be nice if some nice Foolmooner would volunteer to babysit her cat which was accidentally abducted.

Aliens are allergic to cats. The animal is being kept in an aluminum foil lined cage. Mary would like to return to FoolMoon, but right now that is impossible for reasons I cannot go into. She is being well treated.

If she's with you Jazzy, I know for a fact she's being well treated!

Prove that you have Mary. Go ahead, prove she is a captive. Ha! Just as I thought. Anyone can make such a claim. Our Mary was no pushover. However if you do have her, I suggest you release her at once. She always wore her aluminum foil hat and carried odorless mothballs on her person to protect against alien abduction.

Be warned, Jazmoora....Mary is a highly trained linguist with the ability to destroy alien mnemonic function. If that happens, you'll be completely disfunctional in the earth environment where enhanced memory is essential for survival. She is a very powerful woman, and will never be a submissive and obedient sex zombie like Tenderheart and...what was the other woman's name?

(whispers) She's back.... I've *seen* her!

I'm *sure* it was her... at least... it *looks* like her....


But I trust no-one.

Ha ha...very funny. I know she's back. I responded to her post already on one of the other boards. I'm not 100% certain if she is the REAL Mary yet. Time will tell. She seems to be mellowed some. Looks are deceiving. If it is Mary, I'll know shortly. If it's an imposter, I'll know that as well. So far she's only posted in the Interfaith threads...not like her to post there about religion...obviously she is still traumatized from her experience in the relationship folder. When she rips into the complaint thread a few times, I'll feel more confident about her alleged return.

Yeah, but... but... this unexplained disappearance.... the unaccounted for time. What about THAT Wake? Are you just going to make excuses for her? Let her off the hook?

Perhaps she's one of (gulp) theirs now. (looks around furtively) Is anyone listening to this? Are we safe here...? Listen -- you know she thought she was too smart to wear silver foil. You know she thought she was better than all of us. What if... what if... I don't like to think about it.

Can you devise a good test? So that we KNOW? But then again, what would that prove, because we all know that I...

Trust no-one.

Who's making excuses? It's not all that unusual for people to simply disappear here at Foolmoon and not leave behind a trace. It's also not all that unusual for them to show up again a year or two later acting strange and sounding like another person entirely....and with the same name and the same avatar. I could name names and cite such examples but I won't. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to suddenly launch into a long-winded literary discussion about Paradise Lost or The Odyssey...code for a deranged poster.

Anyone could download an avatar and repost it under an assumed user name which happened to be very close or even the same as the previous user name they used previously on numerous occasions. It happens more than we like to admit, whoever we are.

She was indeed too smart to wear silver foil which is why I recommended she use aluminum foil instead. I can't believe you said what you did about Mary thinking she was better than the rest of us. She was from Bakersfield for God's sake. She drove a Honda Civic with a floor shift. Her cat wasn't even neutered. Her Birkenstocks were 20 years old. Her hair was the color of steel wool. Better than we are? Gah! That's a stretch, Helice. Sounds to me like someone is jealous of a certain other person's linguistic prowess.

AM NOT!

Hey, it's me.

You know, I feel like a mushroom most of the time, kept in the dark, fed manure, you know.

But I guess I'm starting to act like a mushroom, too. Popping up unannounced, mushrooming into something enormous but actually lacking in real nutrition or substance, and then mysteriously disappearing as quickly as I appeared, probably giving the unlucky individual who chooses to digest me gas or stomach upset. Oh well.
Life as a mushroom. Sigh.

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I just never completely swallowed the Mary entity.

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Good thinking, ExSoccerMom. You probably spared yourself a long, agonizing death! Those poisonous shrooms sure look all pretty with their red caps and their cute little white polka dots but oh no, don't mess with them.

You're a smart cookie.

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This is where you post when you have been shunned and ostracized everywhere else. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. This is the final destination....the end of the internet...when you end up here, it means you no longer matter. Welcome home.

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Yeah, welcome to the mushroom farm.

Sniff.

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reminds me of song lyrics...

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How about this:

"And the wind cries Mary"

Jim Hendrix singing about mushrooms.

It's true. I was abducted by Jazmoora. Here is an artist's rendition of the incident. He was about to eat me but I stunned him with a mental attack.

Weh-hell looky looky here if it isn't our own Mushroom Mary again...come back to life again after her spores got a good long old fashioned drip soaking no doubt. Just blew in off the internet and landed here by chance? Quite an accomplishment, Mary.

Oh sure, you escaped this time, but there will be other times and other opportunities. You can't hide forever. Aliens are very familiar with your crummy little town (Temecula) and we'll be watching the streets and the places you frequent (mostly bars) and sooner or later we'll abdduct you again, and when we do, well, you'll find out soon enough. Your brain will be washed and devices will be implanted in your stem.

The person who calls himself "Wakeholden" cannot log in and post here from his remote location because because he can't find his password which was scrambled by members of PAPP who suspect he is an alien sympathizer. Nothing could be further from the truth. Wakeholdens computer was also sabotaged by PAPP agents as was mine. How many others have suffered a similar fate...I wonder....

Mary died a long time ago.

She'll be back Jazzy, At least I hope she comes back.

Mary Smary...who gives a rat's butt about some goofy broad from Temecula, California? She wasn't so special, always talking about herself like she was somebody important or something. That's one of the main problems in here, too many self-centered people who think the world revolves around them and their miserable little lives. Get real, people...wake up and smell the gunpowder. Get a life and stop whining on the internet like a bunch of slobs.

This Mary person was all show and no substance just like she said...a genuine imposter...a phony.....nothing real about her, but she was funny...and intelligent....and moody...and yes, at times she was even a tad arrogant and insensitive, but so what? Did she go round lecturing people about real stuff? Hell no! Mary was a pretender all right, and a damn good one. Also notice she isn't around anymore. Not real enough probably. Hell.

Wakeholden, there is no Mary. There never was. If you want documented proof, including photos, you may PM me, and I will be more than happy to tell you the whole truth and nothing but about this so-called Mary woman.

It's true, Mary is not a real person, she's a cliche, an empty shell, a photoshopped hodge-podge collage fake identity put here at Fool Moon to serve those in control. Mary was all about control and manipulation and ego. She never lived in Bakersfield or anywhere else. Why was this done? It's not so hard to figure out once you have all the facts at your disposal, and you shall have them soon enough.

Mary isn't the first, and I doubt she will be the last. There are dozens, perhaps hundreds of Marys out there and in here. They were created to keep tabs on you and me and all who visit here. You, Mr. Wakeholden, are only one of many whose name appears on *the list*, and as such, you are being monitored night and day 24-7...each time you post, your image is sent to the FM control room, located in the basement of an old Victorian house in rural Connecticut.

My advice to you is to forget about Mary and go on with your life like nothing ever happened, because it hasn't. There is no Mary..she never went to linguistics school...she never owned a cat....she does not have a husband or a tomato garden. I suggest you also change your password and purchase a firewall and a very good anti-spyware program, and never trust some sick programmer's techno toy which is pretending to be a real human being. BTW once your name is on *the list* it stays there permanently.

Makes you wonder what else this cat does when its masters are not home....watches TV maybe....tries out the NordicTrack...turns on the PC and sends e-mails to the neighborhood cats....opens the fridge and makes itself a tuna snack.....