I wonder if Mary's house got burned by the wildfires in California. Was there a Temecula fire? It sure seems like we should have heard from her by now, but then professional solipsists aren't known for their dependability, or very much else really.

I don't know or care what happened to Mary. I never liked those uppity solipsist types anyway. I'm employed now, and I have a new boyfriend. I got a nice job waitressing at a diner in upstate New York, and they all love me here, which is more than I can say about where I was living in Roswell, New Mexico. People here are nice. Mary? Who cares what happens to her? She's probably in some solipsist treatment center or something.

I've sent e-mails to all the homeless shelters in the Temecula, California area, but so far nobody has seen or heard from our dear sweet Mary. I talked to a sheriff's deputy who said they didn't have anyone who fit Mary's description living in Temecula. I even ran a hello Mary ad in all the local newspapers, including Bakersfield, but so far no luck. I suspect foul play.

I've contacted a private investigator who has agreed to look into the matter. Yesterday he visited all the Carl's Jr. locations in the region and asked about strange women who are especially fond of the Carl's Jr. super mushroom burger with mushroom and onion gravy on top. If there is any progress in the investigation, I will keep those individuals interested in Mary's welfare updated on this thread. I...that is, we miss you Mary.

Dear Mary from Temecula,

I hope you are doing well these days, and I hope you finally finished your thesis and got your degree in feline medicine from the University of Bakersfield Veterinary School. I know it was a big pain driving over to Bakersfield every day for six years running. Thanks for keeping the payments up on the cryogenic storage unit I had you to rent for me two or was it three years ago? I finally will be using what's inside.

Look, Mary, I'm real sorry about your cat dying like it did, and no, I don't mind you sticking it in one of the spare cryo-units just in case they learn how to bring cats back to life down the road a few years. I know how much you miss the little scudder. There's something I have to tell you. I'm not an alien. I know, I know, you always said I was the best looking alien you had ever been abducted by, but it was all just a big put on to trick those Temecula aliens into showing up and getting themselves zapped by the mobile Alienator hidden in the back of my van. Yeah, it was me that pulled the trigger and killed them all except those three sample aliens in the cryo-unit that I just stunned.

Remember that uppity Hyman Hayden character and his brown-nosing shadow assistant woman, Helice? They're still around taking full credit for wiping aliens off the face of "Planet Earth" as he put it. What a jerk! I really miss you Mary. It's just not any fun around here without some dizzy-headed solipsist cat woman to fuss with. Wish you'd come on back and help me get even with Helice and Hayden. Why is it that people whose names start with an H are always such pains in the butt? Thanks again, Mary. I love you.

Sincerely, Grady Jazmoora, the ex-alien imposter.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Mr. WarpHolder, but Jazmoora and this crazy Temecula Mary woman are in the same rehab facility thanks in large part to you and your cantankerous meddling, you you Mega-meddler!

Mary, I thought you might like to know that the alien Jazmoora and his son Alien MoonBoy were terminated by Aunt Hildegarde. In less than 72 hours, his alien spirit will ascend to the nether realms of the alien afterlife. I know you and the other solipsists out there in Temecula, California will be happy to hear the news. And for what it's worth, today I stopped at Carl's Jr. and had a big honkin' Monster Burger in your honor....with mushrooms on top just like you like'em. How's the cat these days?

Now I'm cured. I no longer care one way or the other what happened to Mary. Bitterness, cruelty, and anger cured me when kindness, understanding, and compassion failed. I hope I remember this in the future with other Marys. I have learned a valuable lesson.

I had a friend disappear like that on the internet once myself. I talked to her every day for two years, and then one day she just vanished. Never heard from her again. It happens more than you think.

Then again, this Mary woman might not have been an actual person you know. I've heard there are people out there who create cyber people and inject them into websites like this. It posts things and acts like a real person, but it's actually a software program which installs itself in the server. It's cloaked so well nothing can block it. It even makes typos, gets angry, posts fake photos of it's fake family, and sends PM's to people who it thinks are its friend.

Nobody really cares anymore what happened to Mary. They ought to move this thread to the "Fun House" where it belongs. What does a woman who eats at "Carl's Jr." know about solipsism anyway? Not much I bet.

I refer you to PAPP report #73732 3/15/08:

[THE PERSON KNOWN AS MARY] perfected the art of solipsism to such a degree that she was able to imagine her own non-existence and thus made it a reality.

For further information contact me via PAPP

H.H.