A woman named Mary has disappeared from FoolMoon without a trace, and noone knows what happened or why. There needs to be an investigation into this matter and some questions need to be answered.

A person doesn't just vanish into thin air like this for no reason. I suspect some kind of fowl play. And not only that, Mary's cat also has also gone missing. It's no coincidence that both disappeared at the same time. All my inquiries into this matter have fallen on deaf ears. Each time I bring up the subject of Mary's disappearance, I am either ignored or given the old FoolMoon runaround.

If anyone knows anything about Mary's whereabouts, please post your information here on this thread which is being monitored 24-7 by me and several of Mary's friends. We have printed up posters and are leaving them in all the businesses in and around Bakersfield, California where she lived. I just submitted a help-us-find-Mary t-shirt design to a local graphics firm, and we plan to have 1,000 t-shirts printed with Mary's last avatar pic and bio info on the front.

We have also founded a FoolMoon Mary foundation and will be drafting a manifesto soon. There are some who want to establish a FoolMoon Mary fan club, and they have asked me to be the fan club president, and I have agreed. If you are out there somewhere reading this Mary, we understand why you aren't able to post here...but one day all that will change whenever you are found and your abductors captured and punished. Until then, hang in there. We care, and we miss you. Your old friend, Wakeholden.

I seriously doubt Mary was kidnapped by some evil chicken. She was a cat lover, and cat's usually will not tolerate chickens, but of course Mary's cat was an especially dumb animal, so it is entirely possible that it was a low-down chicken-livered fowl- loving Northern California kitty cat which allowed the evil bird to gain access to her home. I said we all liked Mary, I did not say she was perfect. Even so, we want her back.

Who gives a rat's ass about Mary some might be asking? We do. You see, Mary had a way of pushing our buttons that was special. Some of us have more buttons than normal, buttons that need pushing from time to time. What good is a button if you don't have someone around who knows when and how to push it? Oh, Mary knew alright..you bet your sweet a** she did. How many t-shirts do you want? Btw, is your avatar some kind of lavender skunk?

So this bird loving cat has an accomplise (SP)? They must work in pairs, they leave evidence.. they shall be found and brought to me so they can be fried in deep batter goodness! Gah, now I'm hungry..

No T-Shirts for me, I've got plenty.. and yes, tis a lavender skunk I be. ^-^

My amazing powers of perception (and deception) are allowing me to sharply focus in on your current location there in that dusty polygamist compound in the isolated remote rural Utah countryside.....I'm seeing that you are wearing the same blue and white ankle length cotton print dress that the other 11 underaged and mostly home-schooled women are wearing.

Now I see a man....your husband (ditto for the other 11) his first name begins with an "H"....Harv....Harol....Henr.....no, it's Homer.....Homer Smythton. Right? Isn't it amazing how my gift allows me to quickly focus on you in spite of being hundreds of miles away? Like I said, it's a gift. You are posting online using an old laptop that you found abandoned at a rest stop along the Utah Interstate. You keep the laptop hidden under some boards out in the chickenhouse, which is why you keep talking about chickens, right? Those chickens must be the only real friends you have.

You really love detective stories and reading mysteries, but Homie won't allow any non-religious literature in the compound, but once you watched an entire week of old Columbo episodes while you were holed up in a Motel 6 in Southern Missouri while Homie was out scouring the countryside for three more underaged virgin wives.

Even though you are not Homer's favorite sleeping wife, he does like your cooking because you have a penchant for deep frying everything you cook, and he loves fried. How am I doing so far? Isn't this amazing how I can see right into your life like this? Sometimes I am amazed beyond words at my own abilities....gift..it's a gift like I said earlier. I sure hope you'll keep on posting here. When are you recharging the laptop? Don't let the other wives know you have it. Hang in there. Are you interested in being rescued? How old are you again? Does Home allow his wives to wear shoes? Have you ever been to a mall? Good luck.

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I've never met this Mary gal personally, so I'm just spewing hot air.

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So is practically everyone else in here, Lershyath, especially Wakeholden, but we all like him because...because he's a good speller and he was once in charge of pushing the big red fart button, but now someone else has that job. It takes a LOT of hot air to keep a red fart button functioning properly plus you have to be responsible, and Wake is not responsible...never has been, never will be.

About this Mary person....you see...the truth is...noone knows the truth about Mary. She just showed up one day claiming to be a loving wife and a part time student living near Bakersfield, California. She changed her avatar every couple of days, animated cats usually, which strangely enough resembled your lavender skunk. I suppose it is possible for two people to have access to the same collection of pastel cartoon animal avatars. Anything is possible.

My own private opinion on mysterious Mary is that she wasn't a real person at all, but was instead another one of Helice's multiple personalities created to discipline and embarress Wakeholden and teach him some internet manners. As you can see, it obviously did not work. I could be wrong of course, but I don't think so. Mary was just too quick on the trigger with her responses to be a doting Bakersfield housewife who just happened to be studying linguistics while at the same time spending 3 or 4 hours a day here at FoolMoon. There just isn't that many hours in the day.

Having said all that and not knowing or caring why, I have to admit I did like the Mary personna. It was witty, funny, intelligent, creative, and a bit eccentric, but still, for some reason, it never really came across as a real live person to me. Oh sure, she had a few undeniably human characteristics, but after reading one of her posts, I always had an odd empty feeling that something was not quite right about her...call it my female intuition kicking in, or whatever it was...I just never completely swallowed the Mary entity.

Then there was her claim that she was an old repeat FoolMoon veteran from a few years ago who just decided to show up again unannounced and practically take over the relationships thread. Between her and Wakeholden they turned a normally sane thread into complete chaos, and finally ended up getting my lovely complaint thread moved to the Funhouse dump. I cried like a baby when that happened, but what can one person do? Not much.

My advice is to enjoy yourself and have a good time here in the paranoia files. Neither mysterious Mary nor pushy Wakeholden can screw this place up because...because...it's already that way. This is where you post when you have been shunned and ostracized everywhere else. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. This is the final destination....the end of the internet...when you end up here, it means you no longer matter. Welcome home.

I liked Sister Mary. She was friendly, personable, and at times downright charming. We were quite close at one point. I took her for a spin in my stretch limo, and we hit all the classy line-dancing country and western joints around Bakersfield...we had a blast. Her husband was out of town, and it was just the two of us. Then we drove over to Benny Hinn's place and had a chat with him. Mary and Benny got along great. I don't know why she stopped coming to FoolMoon. Too busy probably. Mary was sharp all right. Amen? And those bright red cowgirl boots she always wore....and those skin tight jeans. Aaaaa-men!

You people are all a bunch of yoyos, especially you, Reverend Money! And so was that bimbo Mary lady. She wasn't funny and she wasn't from Bakersfield either. I'm from Bakersfield, and we don't allow people like her to live here. So there. Bunch of losers! Mary my pet rat's ass. Ha!

What does a troll know about anything? Mary was a nice girl. Not perfect, but nice. Trolls are big pains in the butt. Go back under your bridge and play with your goat friends, you dumbcluck.

reminds me of song lyrics...

Hey everybody where did Mary go?
Where did Mary go?
And where's my only cigarette?
Please think for me I can't bare to
I'll just lie here for a while
Wet myself wet my bed
I've readied it all for her you know
Clean sheets incense a lots of fluffy pillows
Now soiled
And where's my cigarette?
Did you check the bathroom the bathtub?
She sleeps there sometimes
Water cleanses you know
Washes dirt away, makes new
Maybe she, maybe she, maybe she, maybe, maybe she swam away

what better place for em?