http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php The Paranoia Files Fool Moon - UBB.threads(tm) http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/288111/Re_Miss_Fool_Moon_USA#Post288111 Posted by World_HQ_Man:
As the official spokesperson for the "Miss Fool Moon" contest, it is my sad duty to inform everyone that the Miss Fool Moon Beauty and Swimsuit Pageant has been discontinued. These contest things cost money, and the faltering world economy simply will not support such luxurious and expensive endeavors. There are judges to pay and consultants to consult, not to mention all the publicity of such an event. Over the years, I have received literally hundreds..no no, make that thousands of wonderful photos from around the world of all the exceptionally beautiful women out there who entered this pageant. I am at a loss as to what to do with these amazing images, and I can only say that it has been a privilege to have been involved with such an important and rewarding event. Someone suggested that I post them here as a tribute to all those who participated, but unfortunately there are far too many to do that. Instead, I shall make a few copies and store them in the World Headquarters Archives. ]]> Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:28:03 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/288106/Re_I_ve_got_some_information_g#Post288106 Posted by World_HQ_Man:
Due to circumstances beyond our control, and mainly for budgetary and cost overun reasons, The World Headquarters will no longer be in the Superhero selection business. Superheroes are simply too expensive to locate, investigate, and designate. And very often, once a Superhero finds out he or she is one, they stop doing the very things that Superheroes are supposed to do. They become couch Superheroes. The World Headquarters apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause those who depend on Superheroes to save them from various life or death situations. When the world economy turns around and Superhero superfund money is more plentiful, we will once again invest in this market. Thank you, and as always, I am THE World Headquaters Man who is in charge of the entire world, including all Superheroes and their pets.]]> Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:09:29 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/288103/Re_Blank_Spaces#Post288103 Posted by WakeHolden:
[quote] Are you sure these voices you're hearing in your head at 2:00 am aren't some sort of, you know, paranoid manifestation or something?[/quote] Not 100% sure, no. At first I thought it was simply someone in the FoolMoon admin., perhaps an eccentric moderator, who concocted this "Heelllllll-oooooooooo!" thing as a way of amusing themselves, but now...I'm not so sure because thus far I have not experienced the munchkin version. Are there other versions, and if so, how many? Might these greetings be individually tailored for certain poster profiles? Is it based on the stuff I put in my profile I wonder? Is there some type of hidden subliminal message imbedded in these strange hellos? [quote]Are you sure it isn't your wife trying to get your attention, etc. [/quote] My wife seldoms tries to get my attention these days, and when she does, she usually regrets having done so. I'm not sure what I meant by that, but it was the first thing that popped into my head. At least it's reassuring to know she also hears the voices, or does she? Another thing I've noticed is that for several minutes after hearing the hello voice, I suddenly begin to mispell common words, often reversing all the vowels and sometimes the consonants as well. Of late I also have developed a late night craving for cashew nuts and large bottles of cheap Australian wine, especially the ones with stylized kangaroos on the label.]]> Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:49:49 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287943/Re_Will_the_CERN_particle_coll#Post287943 Posted by Anonymous:
Where did you find silver foil underwear? Do they sell it online? Isn't it scratchy as all get out?]]> Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:10:57 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287942/Re_Wear_the_silver_foil_for_th#Post287942 Posted by Anonymous:
Would you be angry if my alien friends and I came over and abducted you late one night?]]> Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:06:47 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287939/Re_Elvis_impersonators_Elvii_m#Post287939 Posted by WakeHolden:
Elvis quotes: 1. Just because you look good don't mean you feel good. 2. Folks always look good in their coffins. 3. My songs are a way of caressing people with my voice. 4. People who read sex into my music have dirty minds. 5. The world is more alive at night. It's like God ain't looking. 6. Ain't nowhere else in the world where you can go from driving a truck to driving a Cadillac overnight.]]> Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:41:33 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287878/Re_I_think_I_might_be_paranoid#Post287878 Posted by Anonymous:
I just ducked into the library for a few minutes to post this. I am being followed by two men. I do not know why they are following me, but it might have something to do with the woman I talked to last weekend while I was standing in line at Starbucks. She handed me a small package and asked me to mail it that afternoon. She left and I have not seen or heard from her since. I followed her instructions, but when I got home from work yesterday my house had been ransacked. I'm afraid to call the police. Now I'm getting these phone calls at all hours of the night. They never say anything and just hang up after a fewe seconds. Can someone here help me?]]> Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:21:56 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287877/Re_Nudity_or_no_nudity#Post287877 Posted by World_HQ_Man:
Public nudity on a public forum such as this is not allowed under the umbrella of World Headquarters sponsorship. Please refrain from discussing such issues in the future. Although it has been determined that you are not a real human being, the same rule applies to all non-human entities as well. ]]> Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:08:44 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287738/Re_Chupacabras_Mexican_Reptili#Post287738 Posted by WakeHolden:
Emilio, one of our tech guys, just informed me that using extra smiley faces with your posts sometimes disables the Bertha DeeLush troll simulation program. Anything is worth trying I suppose. :mad: :cry: :crazy: :confused: :sick: :sick: :mad: :mad: :sick: :sick: :mad: ]]> Sun, 16 Nov 2008 22:54:17 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287440/Re_Black_Eyed_Children_And_Who#Post287440 Posted by WakeHolden:
There is no need for alarm, anonymous. Steps are being taken at this very moment to insure the safety and well being of all those who have come in contact with these Black-eyed Children entities. There is a BEC hitchiker alert in effect in all 50 states and Puerto Rica. Should you encounter one or more, please do not attempt to capture or detain them. Simply use your cell phone to make a BEC report to the nearest Federal BEC monitoring Office which is of course connected to the Homeland Security Department.]]> Fri, 14 Nov 2008 01:42:51 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/287012/Re_I_m_Baaaaack_Where_s_Jazzsc#Post287012 Posted by WakeHolden:
The Paranoia Files Code Blue Technical Team is currently busy with other paranoid issues and cannot terminate the DeeLush test program. We apologize for any inconvenience or irritation this may have caused. As soon as the other matter is resolved, the Blue Team will erase and or delete the DeeLush troll simulation test. Meanwhile, please continue posting or reading other posts which have not been contaminated by the defective troll simulation program. This has been a paranoid public service announcement from our Paranoid Public Service Department. Thank you.]]> Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:59:25 EST http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/285996/Re_What_exactly_is_the_CoEA_an#Post285996 Posted by WakeHolden:
The formula P (H/E) P (H) P(E/H) + P(E/H) + P (E/ not H) = AeP (H) x AeP (H) + P (not H) = P (o/y) x P (y/o) do = P not y scientifically forbids the practice or use of nudity on this site. Your nudity hypothesis cannot work because it is a null hypothesis with no prior probablity or conditional probability or even a marginal probability especially when you consider the posterior probability that y is always clothed when H is given as E. Go ahead. Post a survey if you must, but the results will be meaningless. ]]> Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:34:57 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/285631/Re_Messages_from_the_entity_kn#Post285631 Posted by Chocolategenii:
How right you are, I should have listened to this advice last week! :( ]]> Sun, 26 Oct 2008 00:28:13 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/285563/Re_Help_Save_Abama_from_the_Fe#Post285563 Posted by TheUnaposter:
Obviously Russian Republican pr men like this cannot be trusted. And not only that, how can you be sure of getting good pr results when the entire country is run by the Russian mafia these days? Putin is like the national Godfather. There is no law and order except that approved by the KGB. And most rich Russian mafia businessmen are into S&M and snort cocaine. They drive around Moscow in big black Mercedes and drink vodka right out of the bottle. They shoot anybody who lifts a finger against them. Say NO to Russian pr men. I say we re-hang the iron curtain so these guys can't waltz across the border and screw up the rest of the world.]]> Fri, 24 Oct 2008 22:39:22 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/285558/Re_Alien_Funeral_Notice_Jazmoo#Post285558 Posted by WakeHolden:
[quote] I know some day he is gonna come back to me, etc.[/quote] I'm afraid that isn't the case. Jazzmoora the alien has been permanently eliminated. If you simply must have some type of sick security blanket to hold onto, might I suggest you place an order for one of our alien inaction figures. You can use it to amuse yourself. They're washable, and they have a 27 word vocabulary. They require 4 AA batteries which we do not supply. Have fun. It will fit right in with your other battery-powered stimulation toys.]]> Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:35:44 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/283215/Re_New_CoEA_Retreat_Center_ope#Post283215 Posted by WakeHolden:
MoonWing, I am very disappointed that I did not get to talk with you while I was at the Light Center in Trelona, Wyoming these last three weeks. Maybe next time. I just want you to know this was the best decision I ever made...going to the CoEA renewal retreat that is. Now I'm off to Mexico with Alejandro to study and capture chupacabras. Thanks again. I can't remember when getting taken in felt so meaningful. ]]> Fri, 26 Sep 2008 22:02:02 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/282561/Re_Did_WakeHolden_die_or_was_h#Post282561 Posted by Dax:
[quote]WakeHolden: Visualize a red door inside your Dax consciousness. Open that door and step into the light. Your journey will begin only after you open that door and take that first immportant step. [/quote] I tried that once and found myself at a Wendy's in Lima, Ohio. ]]> Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:59:11 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/281517/Re_What_happened_to_Mary_and_w#Post281517 Posted by ExSoccerMom:
My female intuition tells me that dear little Mary will be showing up here in Paranoia once again. I can't explain how or why I feel this way. I just do that's all. It's like a little bird that lights outside on my window ledge on a cold snowy winter morning and starts chirping its little chirp-a-lirp-a-pirp song. Too bad Wake's not around to welcome her back. Dear sweet soulful Mary from Temecula, California.]]> Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:01:38 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/278423/Re_Post_your_own_conspiracy_th#Post278423 Posted by TheUnaposter:
KFC is owned by the ku Klux Klan and they have been putting chemicals in their chicken. These chems make African American men impotent. Archaeologists recently discovered a huge cat library in Egypt near where the pyramids are located. Thousands of manuscripts were stored inside sealed clay vessels. Cat mummies were also found, along with a large blue stone of wisdom once used by the Pharoah's magician. The discovery is being kept secret because the Egyptian government does not want people to start buying and hoarding millions of cats. The earth's magnetic poles keep shifting due to deep underground Chinese Iridium mining operations. The Chinese have disccovered a huge deposit of Iridium nodules 5 miles beneath the earth's surface, and are removing the ore which is so hot it has to be cooled before it is brought to the surface. ]]> Wed, 13 Aug 2008 12:10:58 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/275912/Re_Insider#Post275912 Posted by Dax:
[quote=Anonymous]Not literally brains, but metaphorically it does make sense. AIDS spreads through sex, which humans are almost incapable of thinking rationally about. And it seems to prefer groups of people who are discriminated against. It's not that big a stretch to suppose that centuries of viruses with various infection methods and various demographics would converge on the ideal usurper of the human body. It makes a lot more sense than assuming the existence of secret government knowledge. [/quote] AIDS also spreads through contaminated transfusions and shared needles. Knowing that the AIDS virus is primarily spread through sexual contact, and realizing that secret government knowledge exists are not mutually exclusive. ]]> Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:28:05 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/270000/Re_Shadow_Government_Agent_Sig#Post270000 Posted by WakeHolden:
Lizbeth, your mind is currently being monitored 24-7 by members of the Red Gummy Bear Squad, which is like a special anti-liberal branch over at the domestic wing of Homeland Security. Your liberal-biased posts triggered the scanning software which monitors all activity on the worldwide internet. You see, each time you log on and sign on to the net, a satellite in geosynchrous orbit directly overhead picks up the signal from a tiny implant inside your bottom right jaw tooth. It was put there by your dentist when you were 14 because even then you showed signs of being a troublemaker and a non-conformist. Yes, most American dentists are either working for the Shadow Government or else they are paid consultants in implant technology. But what about those people who have never been to a dentist in their entire lives you may be asking yourself? Yes, there are people out there who fit that description, and the answer is they either had their implants done when they got their first colonoscopy or their first cardiac stent (like me for example) or some other equally invasive medical procedure. Little did I know at the time I was getting two drug-coated stents and one tracking implant instead of three stents like the cardiac guy said initially. I am currently planning to sue this dentist as soon as I can find an non-government funded attorney to take the case. My advice to you is to go to a non-government dentist and have the implant removed asap and replaced with a proper filling. As always, I am only telling you this out of genuine concern as a concerned citizen and fellow FoolMooner, and obviously I have no affiliation with any government agency or defense contractor. ]]> Mon, 26 May 2008 03:20:32 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/268522/Re_Paramount_P_A_P_P_Problem#Post268522 Posted by WakeHolden:
[quote] And about this WakeHolden who has spent the past several months, etc.....A thinly veiled cry for acceptance...I'm sure I don't trust him....[/quote] In an attempt to refocus attention away from one's own organizational failures (the overall PAPP mission) it is fairly easy to initiate a baseless fault-finding witch hunt directed against innocent bystanders like myself who just happen to post here in the illustrious FoolMoon Paranoia Files. I won't take up precious and costly web space by chronicling the rather lenghty and dismal record of PAPP (Paranoiad Alliance for Personal Protection), but needless to say the PAPP record speaks for itself. It's not so hard, is it, to understand why Hayden might entertain joining the CoEA? After all, total organized failure is a most difficult condition to overcome from a leadership perspective. As a certified licensed card-carrying 10 year member of Fool Moon, I am to say the least taken aback by such erroneous and misleading accusations which have been made against me...but however distasteful and false these assertions may be, it will not deter me from continuing to be an unofficial observer of what goes on in the Paranoia Files AND elsewhere. It has also been my observation that certain ex-PAPP'rs (Ray, Helice, Hyman Hayden, da Spook, Harvey Fierstein, Jack Diddley, etc.) who are in the UFO tour bus business have been forced by high fuel prices to park their worn out fleet of diesel guzzling tour buses in the dusty litter strewn parking lot behind the Roswell Motel and apply for unemployment compensation from the already overburdened state government of New Mexico. In contrast, my alleged "flitting" has not cost the owners and contributing members of FoolMoon the first dime thus far. I remind all of you that I received the Paranoid Award for Most Suspicious FoolMooner in 2004 and was briefly honored in Las Vegas at the Paranoids Anonymous annual Convention. ]]> Mon, 12 May 2008 00:02:43 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/266957/Re_The_Recession_United_States#Post266957 Posted by WakeHolden:
You're just trying to stir up a hornet's nest Mouse. Important stuff like Televangelism is good for the economy, and anything that's good for the economy deserves a nice big fat tax break. Would you rather have a bunch of ragged unkempt preachers running around driving Neons and Cavaliers? Of course not. What kind of message would that send? Would you rather see the clergy living in double wide trailers in Pine Bluff, or big nice homes in Southern California? Snap out of, man. This is America, not some rinky dinky third world place where preachers ride donkeys and eat stale fish and bread sticks.]]> Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:32:51 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/265767/Re_It_May_Be_Too_Late#Post265767 Posted by Grandpa_Grump:
Dadgummit boy, what's that thing they're putting on your head? Are you in some kind of loony bin or something? Tooth fillings is just tooth fillings. How in tarnation can they hide spy stuff in a filling, and what happened to all the pretty women that used to post in this thread? You PAPP fellas ain't got nothing against women have you? When that crazy alien was around, the women were thick as flies on a chunk of roadkill. This ain't one of them bisexual forums is it? All this talk about hidden mini-cams and amalgamated fillings. Sounds asexual alright. What'd you ornery sidewinders do with the women? To hell with spy cams and fillings!!!]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:48:16 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/264158/Re_Starchild_Skull_Alien_Human#Post264158 Posted by Kudzu_Moonstein:
Were other things found in the cave near these skeletons...like pottery or tools or jewelry? They were probably murdered and put there to hide the bodies.]]> Tue, 01 Apr 2008 23:55:37 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/264154/Re_Hi_to_all_my_paranoid_frien#Post264154 Posted by TheUnaposter:
No, there is no hope for you. There never was. You see, there's only a certain amount of hope in the universe, and each person is alloted X amount, and if you use up your supply early on, you might end up in a bad way later. If I had any extra hope, I'd loan you some, but I'm told I only have enough to get me through the next ten years or so. I like you, Faithfulkisser, but not that much. Sorry.]]> Tue, 01 Apr 2008 23:36:54 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/263653/Re_Where_is_the_famous_Alien_J#Post263653 Posted by WakeHolden:
[quote]Misteria has since passed away...visited by a "chupacabras", etc. [/quote] I vaguely remember the one who called herself Misteria, and unless I am mistaken, she was a bit too chummy with the late alien Jazmoora. I assume this is at least in part why she is no longer with us. You see, Seawitch, aliens and chupacabras have a lot in common. Both are short green or grey two-tone slimey disgusting creatures which cause disharmony and strife on wholesome discussion websites like this, and as such both should be eliminated at any and all costs. A new era has dawned, or haven't you heard? [quote]Now to serious matters...I recognize you, are you who I think *it* is? [/quote] Let me see if I can explain this right. Any so-called "serious matters" are simply not discussed here in the paranoia files. I don't make the rules, but I could if I was a rulemaker, but I'm not, and for good reason probably. It's always been that way long before I showed up. It works in reverse as well. You cannot discuss unserious matters up there in the serious threads. Trust me on this. As for recognizing me, I doubt that's the case since I have no idea who you think it is that I am if I am an it to begin with which I am not. If you think the it that you think I am is Jazmoora, then I am sorry to disappoint you because he is no longer a who or an it. He's just a few wispy smidgens of powdery alien dust blowin' in the wind somewhere. He's not coming back ever. Trust me on that one. Aliens, chupacabras, reptilians, reptoids, and other such vermin have no place here in the neo-paranoia files. They will be hunted down and eliminated by the Hildegarde entity.]]> Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:49:41 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/263430/Re_Silver_foil#Post263430 Posted by Yvonne_Moonfinger:
Oh, if only my life were as simple as a few rolls of duck tape.]]> Thu, 27 Mar 2008 20:51:31 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/263136/Re_Rev_Money_s_Health_Wealth_a#Post263136 Posted by Aunt_Hildegarde:
Good riddance, you no account money-grubbin' internet preacher!]]> Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:17:11 EDT http://foolmoon.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/263126/Re_Strange_Noises_on_the_Phone#Post263126 Posted by Edgar_Gene_Gormann:
I realize it's been four years since she posted here, but last night I dreamed about Blue Girl, and in the dream she was being chased down a wet n' rainy street by a blood-covered naked and deranged Korean man with a large silver meat cleaver in his right hand. At the end of the street was an abandoned building with a sign out front that read "Repent...The End of Everything Is A Lot Nearer Than You Think." Blue girl hid inside behind a huge pile of yellowed crumbling newspapers, and far in the background I could hear a young Bob Dylan singing "Buckets of Rain." Buckets of rain Buckets of tears Got all them buckets comin' out of my ears. Buckets of moonbeams in my hand, I got all the love, honey baby, You can stand.... Then the Korean serial killer man walked up to the door (it was painted red and peeling) and said "Come out, come out, Blue Girl, Blue, honey I think I'm in love with you." Suddenly the Dylan background singing got nearer and the old newspapers started rattling with Blue Girl fear. Little red wagon Little red bike I ain't no monkey but I know what I like. I like the way you love me strong and slow, I'm takin' you with me, honey baby, When I go.... Then the phone rang and woke me up. The woman on the other end said "Ernie, is that you sugar darlin'?" and I said "This ain't Ernie, honey, but it's rainin' in my dreams." I could tell she was gonna hang up on me by the way things got really quiet right there before she did. ]]> Tue, 25 Mar 2008 22:23:59 EDT